What the he35 is up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
What the he35 is up?
12
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 9:48pm

Ok...here goes...i can't believe that i'm going to post this...I met a guy online in the "intimate" category. i've been out of a marriage for two years now and have two children, so i haven't had time for dating.

A guy stood out and we hit it off. i told him that i wasn't looking for anything serious and neither was he so we agreed on a FWB deal. iam 37yo...I've been around and i know the deal. We met for a drink and hit it off and agreed to meet that w/end. I should mention that i am plus sized...(i say that because I know that there are many men out there who would sleep with me, but many more who are not loking for anything more with me.) Well, honestly...he got in a car accident coming home from work out of town....I thought i was stood up, and told him in a text that that wasn't cool. He provided me proof in the form of a newspaper article that there really was an accident and everything added up. i made sure to follow up and honestly...everything that he said happened before the article came out...really did occur. We began talking again this past week. Honestly, the sexual chemistry was there. it was also obvious that the other stuff was there too. We had a lot in common. HOWEVER...i was still aware that our arrangement was FWB. We had over 60 text messages and 5 conversations within a two day period.

So, we had agreed to get together tonight at my house. It was understood i thought that this was just going to be fun. i decided to ask him a few more questions about him just so that i would feel safe. He refused to give me his last name. Anyhow, i get this text that he was "freaking out". "what happens if it doesn't work with us and is just a one night stand and I get upset? Maybe we should meet at a neutral place then we can just walk away and if we want to decide to meet again then we could." He asked me to book a room as he was still at work. "He'll call me in one hour."

Yeah... that was three hours ago. I didn't book the room as I knew something was up.

I text him asking if he was getting cold feet. No answer. I text him an hour later asking him if i was being stood up, and that if i was... that the decent thing would be to let me know. So, u guessed it...no call.

Seriously, i was not looking at this as anything more than what we had agreed to.What the he#$ is going on with this guy? He was very eager to get together with me and i have no idea what changed in his mind other than that he felt a chemistry between us and it scared him for one of several reasons: 1. I'm plus sized 2. He felt an attraction and that scared him, or 3. he really thought that i was going to fall for him.

Please, can anyone shed some light on this?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 10:06pm

I think he just sounds like a flake. That, or maybe he's married or involved and he couldn't get away for the evening after all.

I doubt it's because you're plus size...if that were the case, he wouldn't have met you in the first place.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 11:11pm
OMG... the guy just text me saying that he went to a wedding with his bro'. He is insane. i tesx him saying "Fine. i didn't deserve this." he texts back saying "can i come by...?" yeah...cause i'm fat AND desperate. Loser
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 11:14pm

Yeah, you don't need that. Plenty of other fish in the sea, esp if you're looking for something casual.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 11:42pm

Advertising for a "friends with benefits" deal sounds like a recipe for disaster and possibly a bit dangerous as well. The guy sounded like he got cold feet regardless of whether he's married, dating someone else or whatever other reason you want to guess.

And I doubt that you are any more desperate than any of the rest of us on this board. There are also people on this board who are plus sized. I need to lose 15-20 lbs. myself. So, don't let that be the reason that you are willing to settle for a FWB arrangement. I have never met a woman who claimed to only want such a thing. I suspect you would like more than that, and I know you deserve more than that. I am sure others will agree with me.

Me thinks you dodged a bullet here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 6:31pm
Or 4. He's married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 7:44pm

Why do you care? Here's the deal- he's not into you. Not for a relationship, obviously, so don't be fooling yourself with that "we had a bunch of text messages and conversations over a couple of days" crap. If he were into you and had real chemistry for more than sex, he'd tell you his LAST NAME, for crying out loud.

And he's apparently not even into you for just a FWB deal, either. I think he's made that perfectly clear- you have no idea if he was really in the accident he provided "proof" happened.

So what do you care? Move on. Wondering about it only wastes your time and energy and is likely to make you feel bad about yourself or about him. You deserve better, and he's not worth the time or energy.

He's just not that into you, even as a casual sex toy. Move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 8:07pm
Please be careful - I hope your children weren't home and never invite someone to your place. Also please use protection - there are all kinds of people with Cooties out there!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 9:13pm

Hey Ker!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 9:58pm

Ahhh!! a friendly face...R...NEVER for one minute would I invite someone into my life with my girls around. They were safely away from any of this. The reason why it fizzled is because I demanded info from him that would've given me a bit of safety. You're right...i know nothing about him...that's why i wanted to know more. From what i did see when i met for coffee...i liked.

What is so bad about a woman wanting a FWB deal? I will not fall in love with this guy. We as woman are always judged by our sexual values and that pisses me off. I have always enjoyed sex...but because i was in a abusive,sexually insatisfying relationship for 4 years, and out of it for almost three years...i have spent the last 7 years being basically sexless. Like you, i do want to re-marry. i'm not stupid enough to think that i'm going to meet him on the intimate section of LAVA. This girl just wanted a little fun.

Anyhow...glad to hear that things are good with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 10:22pm

Hi!

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