What the heck happened?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2010
What the heck happened?
16
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 1:27pm

So here's the situation...I met a guy on a dating website.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 8:49pm
I've met & dated 38 guys on dating sites over the
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 5:15pm

lol - I know, can you believe its been that LONG? Cripes ... THATS a record for me, miss FBW

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 3:12pm
Has Avery finally met him??????? 15 months????
sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 1:29am
I 4got that. Yes. Those follow up texts from her about "have fun" etc, boarderd on looking desperate for attention or contact.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 1:26am
Hey! Thats exactly what MY 2nd date was iwth my bf! lol
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 1:23am

I totally agree that a guy who is TRULY interested in you, & you sleep with quickly, will have no bearing on seeing them again. But a guy who is just in it FOR the sex, will pretty much walk once he has conquered what he wanted.


The ONLY way to figure this out? to wait to sleep with a guy. How long? Its all personal & its all a crap shot. My OPINION is at least 5 dates. Do i go by that rule? Rarely. eek. lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2010
Mon, 05-31-2010 - 8:08pm

I’m not so sure that he’s lost interest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sun, 05-30-2010 - 7:03pm

"I guess I just don't understand how everything could change so quickly."

Maybe he's still dating others and someone else piqued his interest. Or maybe he didn't enjoy the sex. Maybe he felt like you'd want an exclusive relationship now that you've had sex and that's not what he wants. Maybe he's overwhelmed himself with how much he likes you.

Or maybe he was just busy with friends and family that weekend.

Who knows?

What you do is continue dating and let him contact you. Make yourself busy so that if he calls you might NOT be available to him when he wants to see you, and maybe realize that you ARE dating others and he'll have to step up his game a little to get your time/ attention. If he doesn't contact you again, then you'll know he's not interested.


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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 9:34pm

I cannot speculate why the guy lost interest. I know there are "rules" that once you sleep with someone then us guys lose interest. For myself, I know I would lose interest if the woman does not want to sleep with me after a while (but don't have a timetable). I have slept with two women on the second date and both (and one still is) are long term, committed relationships.

There are a plethora of reasons why this guy has bailed. After such intimacy, he realized he could not handle intimacy in the non-sexual sense. He might have realized that he wanted to have more of a variety of women. He may have realized that you are not "The One" after all. Or after sex, he has gained enough self confidence to see if there are others out there he can try out.

Regardless, I am not sure if this experience should dictate your future behavior with the next guy and I would write this guy off.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 8:29pm

I've been at both ends of the spectrum.

I've slept with guys on the third date a couple of times, and still saw them for a while after that, but they seemed to evolve into FWB's without my "consent". Lots of texting, too.

My boyfriend (yes, I can finally say that word) of the last several months also "made me dinner" on our third date, with him being VERY clear that he wanted to sleep with me. All the requisite texting...which made me think I was having a repeat performance of the other guys. But as opposed to those other guys, I am still seeing him. We talk every single day, we are involved with each others kids, lives, met parents, etc.

The texting has died down to zero because he confessed he really hates to text, he was just using it to get my attention.

I guess what I am saying is don't beat yourself up. This does happen. But not all guys are crass and trying to get you into bed. Well, OK, they ARE ALL trying to get you into bed, but some have more long-term intentions than others. The trick is figuring out which ones are and which ones aren't. It's nearly impossible!

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