What info do I need before I meet him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
What info do I need before I meet him?
10
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 10:14pm
Let's say I meet a guy on the internet and he wants to meet me...

What kind of information should I have about him before I do that?

last name?

address?

where he works?

I'm new at this and don't know how this should work....

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 6:36am
Hello and welcome to the board,

First of all and that’s more important than any data about him, you should ask yourself “Do I really want to meet him?” because you should not just go to a meeting because he wants you to go.

For me it would be necessary to at least know him for a while and have already gone further than just knowing each other on a dating page, chat room or wherever the two of you have met. That includes to know his real mail address and through that his real name as well. Next step should be going over to phone calls and if there still is chemistry then, it could be time for a personal meeting.

That’s all you need. I would not give out my private address or place of work to any body before I know him in person. You know there are unfortunately weirdoes outside as well and you do not want to have them stalk after you later so better keep private information private until you know there is potential.

Of course you should meet in public and not arrange a whole dating day in advance so that there is a chance for leaving if you don’t like each other in person. Perhaps meet for a drink or a coffee and have the option of expanding it to dinner if things go well.

Hope that helped you and wish you success of course!

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 8:12am
Before I meet someone I've met online I exchange a few emails or chat online (eg. MSN messenger). I use an anonymous email account that does not display my real name. I will also have at least one phone conversation. I wait for him to offer his phone number. He does not get mine until after I've spoken to him. (If I get a bad vibe while talking to him on the phone, I don't want him to have my number). I try to meet fairly quickly (within a week of regular contact) so that unrealistic expectations are not built up.

By the time we meet I know

his phone number

the area he lives in/works in (not necessarily the physical address though)

what he does for a living (including the name of the company)

his work history

info about his family - where they live, how many siblings

who he lives with

education history

how he spends free time

why he joined an online dating service

what his online dating experience has been like

If anything seems to raise a red flag or feels uncomfortable I don't meet with him. If we do meet, it's during daylight hours. We plan for something short and casual and I meet him there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 11:59am
well, this guy started off real nice... seemed to be a normal guy...educated, etc. (we met on a dating site)

however, one thing he would do is he started calling me "baby" and "sweetie" within the first week of chatting...

...and then there was a lot of sexual innuendos initiated by him... he said he was just kidding and trying to have some fun but when i don't know a guy, it's impossible to respond to things said like, "are you going to work your magic on me when we meet?"

it just kinda turned me off and made me wonder...

all i really know about him is where he went to school and his first name and cell number...

i don't know, it just suddenly got very awkward for me after last night when he said, "wuv ya".... wuv? luv? WHAT????

and then when i wasn't chitchattering away he'd say, "you aren't saying much" or "you seem too busy to chat".

we talked on the phone last week but only once... he seems happy just typing all the time.

i don't know... this is all very strange.... our chat ended rather abruptly.

any thoughts? you've been so helpful so far...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 1:42pm
Welcome! Well, it would be nice to know his last name, address and phone number, but some people are private and do not give out such things right away. So, I would ask for the appropriate things, such as last name and then do a search on line to see his real information. Now, if you meet him, do it in a public place and then see how you feel. Now he doesnt have to tell you where he lives and stuff. That is personal until you know someone well. I would say a home number, last name and maybe a work number after you met. Too much needed information right away with the addy and such. Last name, and numbers, then after you meet if you feel comfy giving out the addy and other information, I say its okay. Just go with the gut.

Goodluck!

Gail:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 2:13pm
thanks, gail :)

i did ask him for his last name and he wouldn't give it to me unless i gave him mine...

this is way to complicated for me, i think...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 4:08pm
It is not complicated, this guy is making it that way cause he is a game player and he is a weirdo. lol Im serious. He sounds to me, like he might be looking for just a good time and not anything serious. He is using, Wuv you? Whatever! Run, Run as fast as you can. If it sounds really weird already and he gives you the willies now, well...I would cut this one loose ASAP! lol

Gail:)

Just my opinion. Go for someone who is willing be open and honest up front about themselves. No need for games.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 4:34pm
I haven't read the other responses, so if I am echoing someone else, sorry!

I think it's very important before you start meeting people off the internet, particularly dating sites, to map out exactly what you want. Just friends? A boyfriend? An clarify this some more- are you ok with a long distance relationship, or o you want someone local.

For me, I met about three guys through the personals. I was multiple ating an having lots of fun, but ultimately looking for that "match." (We found each other by the way, and he lives all of 10 miles from me. We're getting married next March.)

Back to you- I see some HUGE red flags. First, the sexual innuendos are NOT appropriate with someone you don't know. If someone you met in real life was doing this, wouln't you stop seeing them?? Second, ALWAYS trust your instincts, especially with internet dating. You obviously feel uncomfortable, so don't meet him. There are SO many fish in the sea.

My strategy was only to date men in my immediate city. I'd exchange a few casual e-mails. If he didn't ask to meet me, I dropped him. If he offered his phone number and wanted to meet, I'd call from an untraceable phone. If I liked what I heard on the phone, I'd meet for 20 minutes to an hour, usually for "coffee" at a Starbucks that I selected- I'd never drive all over town for some guy (just my opinion!). If I didn't like him, and he kept asking me out, I'd send a short and sweet e-mail saying I was "unavailable" and I didn't think we should continue talking. Short and sweet.


Lastly, I NEVER IM'd guys. To this day my fiance and I have never IM'd. Why? I think it's a lazy man's form of communication, and far too casual for dating. If he wants me, he'll pick up the phone and call.

Just my $0.02. I am obviously a fan of internet dating, but I always looked at it as just another way to meet quality men, not something to invest a lot of time or emotion in.


Hope this helps!


HS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 4:53pm
thanks, you guys!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 5:55pm
Mmmm...yeah - that doesn't sound too good.

I'm very suspicious of men who use terms of endearment/pet names early on. Extremely suspicious if they use them before even meeting me.

It sounds to me like he's looking strictly for a sexual encounter. A man who is looking to date a woman seriously and get to know her would not be making sexual references at this point.

-----and then when i wasn't chitchattering away he'd say, "you aren't saying much" or "you seem too busy to chat". ------

I've had men do this with me too. It makes me feel very uneasy. It sounds condescending.

My advice is to stop contact with this guy. I think you have the same feeling.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 5:32pm
This is a really good thread. Thanks for asking this great question!!!!

The last guy I dated said "Love ya" to me on the phone within 2 weeks of us starting to date. This was after a conversation where he lectured me on emailing him at work. Needless to say, I was like WHAT!?!?!?! I know I am fabulous, but not that fabulous. He can't possibly know you well enough yet to drop that significant statement! THat also puts a lot of pressure on you; that just kind of also puts up my intuition antenae-"why do you feel like you need to say that (wuv, luv, whatever.)

After reading this thread, I think I will opt out of IM'ing as well.

Good luck to you!K