What I've learned tonight

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
What I've learned tonight
16
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 11:29pm

Ok, so I'm jetlagged and forcing myself to stay awake by searching through match....

1. Men think it's ok to put in their profile that they only want a blue eyed woman

2. Men claim to be open about other religions unless that other religion is conservative Christianity

3. Men have no idea what voluptuous means (I mean, they put slim, slender, and voluptuous? um, ok)

4. In the same vein as 3, men are afraid that any woman over a size 4 is a blob

5. It's ok to be married and on match.com if you say you're married and that your wife is fat and you're leaving her

6. Many, many men need to learn that facial hair is not attractive on them

7. All men want a woman who "takes care of herself"

8. MEN IN DALLAS-FORT WORTH ARE SHALLOW

Ok, maybe it's time for some drastic jetlag cure measure. Sigh.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 6:40am

Well, if they'd rather meet a blue-eyed woman, it's easier if they just say it, don't you think ? I mean, if I want to meet athletic guys who look Nordic, I just write it down, and I don't care if it's politically incorrect. I know it is superficial (and so what ? as if the dating scene wasn't superficial anyway), but at least that way nobody wastes their times, and I meet people I actually feel attracted to.

It's true that people should be more straighforward about religion (and politics), though. If they can't stand someone who has any kind of religious affiliation, let them say it. Where I live, guys always freak out when I tell them that I'm a not-so-conservative Christian (around here it's fashionable to be an atheist) - I think that's just because they understand '...and I'm not having sex right away', although that might be true even if I wasn't religious at all (at least, I hope so.).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 10:10am

LOL - I will whole-heartedly agree with you on #8.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 6:56pm
See, I've just got to address the religion thing. My match profile doesn't say anything except that I consider myself a conservative Christian but am looking for a church. I certainly don't judge people and my profile doesn't give that impression, but it's amazing how many men judge me for being a Christian - and these are the men who say they're open about religion! I just don't understand the double standard - men are open about the religion of their date but when they read in my profile that I'm a Christian, they say that they don't want a boring, uptight Bible thumper. If that's not judgemental and hypocritical, I don't know what is.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 11:49pm
If you've said somewhere in your profile that you are Christain besides the check box then religion is important to you. You have made it loud and clear what your values are why should people who have vastly different values waste your time and theirs? There are a lot of profiles to go through you have to have some way of emlimiating them. If a guy said in his profile he was Christain that could mean a lot of things, he could attend Church once a week and to me that's not a deal breaker. But if a guy says he's a devout Christain that's another story. I don't want to raise my kids in a church, that is a major difference in values.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 8:34am

Sigh...I'm talking about men who mark Christian and say "I'm open to all relgions", when in fact, they mean all religions except conservative Christianity.

As for mentionining it twice, there IS a detail box in match for religion and I like to fill every single one out.

But thanks everyone for making me feel unwelcome AGAIN.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 10:04am

Wow, you're being really sensitive about this!

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 6:57pm
I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree. I simply don't think it's ok to judge a Christian just because you think they are judgemental.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 7:59pm

Emily, it isn't about judging, it's about knowing what type of person makes you feel comfortable. I grew up in a small town full of fundamentalist Christians who wouldn't dance or drink and I am a post-Vatican II Catholic, so I know I feel less free to be myself around someone like that. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy a conservative Christian as a friend, since I have many who are. It just means I don't think I would do well to seriously date one.

In the same vein, I don't want to date "first-born" sons, nor guys who have no sisters. I've done that in the past, and I didn't do well with these types. So I'm less apt to go running towards them in something as superficial as internet dating.

It's all about knowing ourselves and what type of person makes us comfortable. But let me state again, not as friends, but as a potential partner. There the stakes are higher.

And I agree, internet dating is FULL of shallow men. I've seen guys who say they don't mind if someone is 3'4" to 7'11", but she better not be "a few extra pounds"....it's silly.

Chick

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 9:25pm
I guess so but I am NOT judging a Christian because I think they are being judgemental!
heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 2:51pm

I think what Emily is saying is that people make unfair assumptions about what a "conservative Christian" is going to be like. If I understood her correctly, she is saying that she feels that a lot of times guys dismiss her as a possible date because they think she is going to be some kind of fanatic. Some of the comments we have made here about how many self-identified "conservative Christians" tend to be judgmental and tell you that you are going to hell, etc. seem to have confirmed her fears that people make this kind of generalization about "conservative Christians" without really checking out the individual. I can see her point.

On the other hand, I think that your point about not feeling compatible with a "conservative Christian" is a good one. It is not an unfair assumption that a "conservative Christian" is going to be (or is going to want to be) a regular churchgoer. It is not unusual for "conservative Christians" to want to talk about religion more than a "spiritual but not religious" person is going to. It is not prejudice to recognize that different religious backgrounds/values do not lead to dating compatibility.

I sympathize with Emily because I know how it hurts to know that something that is an important part of you is looked upon by others as a reason to avoid you. But the thing is that we choose these things about ourselves. I live in the South, in an area where being a conservative Christian is the norm. Often I have felt excluded and treated like an outsider because I am not a conservative Protestant Christian (where I live, many of the people don't seem to know that Roman Catholics are Christians too). It hurts. But I have chosen not to be a conservative Christian and they have chosen to be conservative Christians. We have had a choice.

The trick for all of us is to distinguish between a reasonable assumption (conservative Christians care more about religion that spiritual but not religious people) and an unfair generalization (conservative Christians are all moralistic fanatics). I hope that Emily can see the difference and that all of us will remember not to engage in unfair generalizations. That being said, I avoid "conservative Christians" for the same reasons that you do. I am practically an atheist. We would not be a good match.

Elsa

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