What Makes him "Too Nice"
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| Sun, 10-22-2006 - 9:34am |
I think we've all said it or at least heard a friend say it - He's too nice!
I met a man through online dating last spring. We met two or three times and talked on the phone a few times and then both were busy and it fizzled. He is about the same age as I am, is intelligent and articulate, is reasonably fit, has a solid career, is connected with his children, and doesn't seem to be bitter towards his ex-wife even though he readily admitted that it was her choice to separate. There was no great spark which is likely why we didn't make a great effort to continue to see each other.
I noticed he was on msn a week or so ago and sent him an e-mail to see what he'd been up to over the summer and yesterday we met for lunch after talking on the phone for a while. He is a very nice guy and after I left, I was thinking maybe "too nice". I've read quite often that women don't want the nice guys, they want the bad boys and started wondering if I was falling into that trap. I mean, here is a nice, intelligent guy that seems to have his life on track, who isn't searching frantically for someone but would like to be in a relationship and I was thinking about it. Could it be that he seems to be too sensitive which comes across as not masculine enough? He isn't effeminate in any way, in fact he seems to be a natural in sports.
When making friendships with other women, we would never consider a person to be too nice. So what is it that makes women put a man into the "too nice" category? Are we just using this phrase to mean something else?

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Thank you all for the responses and discussion. It seems I'm not the only one thinking this way.
The bad boys I've always seemed to end up with aren't all that bad but most of them seem to drink more than the average but not enough to interfere with their jobs/careers. They usually have issues about forming emotional connections or just aren't overly emotionally available or they start out gung ho and then it tapers off because although they really want to feel strong feelings, they don't and can't continue to convince themselves.
The man I was talking about is in no way effeminate. He's actually quite tall and muscular. As I read through the responses, I thought maybe it was that he seems to have stronger feelings for people in his life than I do. He bought country property and plans to build a summer home for himself and his two boys. He talked about how he'd like it to become the family place and eventually the kids and their families would be able to use it. He bought a boat and is fixing it up so they can have toys to make it more fun for the kids to go to the cottage. He has been separated/divorced for about a year and a half or two years and said that he had adjusted to the change with the exception of not being used to only seeing his sons 3 or 4 days per week instead of every day.
He's a really nice guy and the more I think about it, the more I am looking forward to going out for dinner and getting to know him better.
rlch and biochic, I hope it works out well. It sounds like you both have something worthy starting out.
clb
It might not be that he's too nice; maybe it's just that he "doesn't do it for you."
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