At what point do you....
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| Sat, 11-04-2006 - 6:10pm |
Hi there!
Welll I have 're-entered' the dating game after a 15 month hiatus. I am ready - so I sorta 'plunged' and put my info on a couple of dating web-sites...I have been thru this before so I know the alarms to look outfor and I listen for those subtle signs of DANGER MUSIC (you know the guys we are talking about).
In the meantime, I have 'met' only via the phone and IM, a really great guy...we seem very compatible, etc. He seems wonderful - not perfect - but I am not so that is a good match right? We are planning on meeting in the future, but he lives about 700 miles away, so we are taking it slow.
Here is my quandry, at what point do you disclose things about your past that you are not proud of...?
I realize that we all have a past..but do you throw these things out there before you actually get together? I have no issue with being 100% honest, I guess I don't know when the right time would be? Do I just go with my gut feeling and do it then or do I throw it out there at some random time and see what his reaction is...? I am not looking to saboutage the 'relationship' as it is now, but I also want to be 100% honest. I guess one approach would be to throw it out there, see what his reaction is...maybe see what kind of fiber he is made of...
ANY suggestions? Any perspective I would LOVE it...thanks

Wow, this all depends on what skeletons are in your closet. If it's herpes, no biggie, bring it up before you start heading towards the physical part of the relationship. If you murdered your mother or shot heroin for years, I'd probably mention that right away. ;-)
What are you worrying about telling him?
Chick
Thanks for the input...no its nothing that bad...I had to serve time in prison for Unemployment Insurance fraud! Believe me - it was a very harsh dose of reality and I was very fortunate. I have never done anything in my life wrong until the county/state that I live in decided to make an example of me!
So...that is my quandry....I am thinking that I will go with my gut instinct and tell him when I think the time is right...
What do you think...?
cheers
Ahh, don't worry. Explain it as a learning experience. You made a mistake, maybe tried to stretch things a bit, and ended up getting in trouble. I have an ex who was just the nicest guy, salt of the earth. His best friend started selling drugs, so he allowed himself to be a "business and real estate owner" aka a money launderer.
He ended up doing 7 years in federal prison. But I was dating him while this was going on. I warned him he'd get in trouble, but he said no, he was just helping out a friend. I broke up with him before it all fell down on him.
So now he's learned a big lesson. He'd never be a repeat offender. He was just naive. Explain it that way to your future bfs and hopefully they will understand you made a mistake and are never going to do that again.
Thank you so much for your support...I am still unclear as to how others may react to it... My friends and family are very supportive and as many of them have said 'the only difference between you and me, is that YOU got caught!'
I am trying to keep it all in perspective...I will see how things proceed and then go with my gut instinct and tell him when I think the time is right...
cheers
swh
Given the distance, don't bother mentioning it. I guess I don't get why a boyfriend 700 miles away has any appeal in the first place.