At what point do you just ask??
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At what point do you just ask??
| Tue, 09-06-2005 - 11:12pm |
I've read He's Just Not That Into You and I agree with that book, but with online dating I think it's a little different. I've been e-mailing a really nice guy (I'll call him traveller) for a bit over a week now. We seem to miss each other as far as IMing and I would really love to just meet him in person. I already broke the rule I set for myself and I asked him out for coffee. Now I broke rule #2 and I called him (argh!!!). He sent me a sweet e-mail that he was out until it was too late to call and that he'll call me when he's back in town to set up a coffee date

I think what you've done so far with the guy you're emailing is fine...but I'd let him take it from here.
As far as dating around (by which I assume you mean dating more than one person?), the guidelines (not rules) that I've worked out for myself after much trial and error are that I prefer to date someone steadily for 2 months, so I can get to know him over time, before committing to dating him exclusively. And for me, that means no sex for the 1st 2 months, since I am not comfortable sleeping with someone I'm not dating exclusively. I continue to meet and date others during that time, and I assume the other person is doing so also. If the topic comes up, I am honest about dating others, but I don't talk about dates or bring it up myself. If the sex issue comes up sooner (and it usually does ;-)), I let them know that while I'm attracted, I find it works best for me to wait for a couple months and get to know someone. I think I've gotten to that point with 4 men since I came up with these guidelines, and 3 of them have been fine with waiting...and the one who didn't, I wasn't all that sure about anyway. Those r'ships ultimately didn't work out but I was glad I waited in all of them.
Anytime I haven't waited, I've lived to regret it...so dating several people and forcing myself to continue to do so, even if I really like the guy, works better for me.
Sheri
I think HJNTIY is a super book and I don't see why it doesn't apply to online dating. The only thing about online is that things are more casual than in person but once a guy is into you, he is into you whether it is online or in real life.
The stuff in the book is still true when it comes to online guys. If they are into you then they should show it by behaving in ways that show it like emailing you when they say they will, calling when they say they will, asking you out, etc.
Even when showing they are into you is not a 100% gaurantee that they are. This is a good example of not putting all your eggs in one basket. Especially, if you had never met. I'd check the other guys out. They may think You are not into them.
Melanie,
I don't think you're rushing it. The consensus of advice you will get here is that you *should* meet pretty quickly after first contact. It's just a good idea in online dating. Otherwise unrealistic expectations start to build up, plus the longer email and IM's go on, the better chance the person can ghost.
After you meet - well, everyone has a different timeline when that is concerned. But it's probably a good idea to take your time and make sure you know he's the guy for you. :)
I tried to send you an email but it got sent back (I tried emailing thru your ivillage profile)...
Eric
Hi Eric!
Feel free to e-mail me at my "real" addy:
eatatmoms@comcast.net.