At what point do you stop "shopping?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
At what point do you stop "shopping?"
64
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 9:48pm

I apologize if this has been brought up in the past -- I did a quick search but wanted more info. Feel free to pass along a link to a different thread if need be.

So the guy I met online (that I like very much) seems to be into me. We've gone out on four dates, and each time the conversation was great. Although there has been barely any kissing, etc (not an issue... yet) we do talk or text every night. I imagine there will be a fifth and possibly sixth date this week/weekend. Now, he hasn't come out and told me directly, but from a few things he says (and from the fact that he is always active within 24 hours on his profile) I strongly suspect that he's still "shopping" and perhaps talking to and even dating other people. Heck... I even had a date Friday night (that didn't go well). But I'm "shopping" half-heartedly because my hopes and interests are really with this guy. At what point should I (and should he) put it all aside and focus on each other? How do I tactfully bring up the fact that I might be a little irritated if he is still "shopping" after several weeks of dating? And do I even have a right to be irritated by that?

And have any of you had a guy with whom you were serious, who lied about the fact that they stopped looking on the dating sites?

Thanks, Tobi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 3:12pm

We discussed it Friday.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 3:25pm

I think a more reliable indication would be to do a "fresh" username search on match.

He may in fact have tried to take it down...I know a number of people have posted about thinking they hid their profile but it didn't "take", so it is a viable glitch on match.

But if it hasn't come down by the next time you see each other, then I'd definitely bring it up.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 4:08pm
Maybe I'm over-generalizing here, but I'd say the odds are much greater for a guy to be reluctant to take his profile down or hide it after the woman he's seeing has taken hers down. I think the whole internet dating process has gotten a bit screwed up with people's minds and their "ethics" about dating in general. All too often, it becomes an addiction for people...just to "see" what is out there, irregardless if they're actually dating someone steady or not. While it's a great way to meet people, it's also a great way to lie and deceive people. You can quite easily create a new profile with new user name and continue to surf the sites, even without a picture. That's just one aspect about online dating that bothers me. A lot of people are searching for someone who is 100% matched to them. Like I told the one guy I had 3 dates with; you can have your profile online for the next 20 years and probably not meet anyone perfectly matched for you. You have to be willing to compromise and give and take. But, always looking for something that "might" perhaps be better is not going to land you the person of your dreams. That is a horrible way to have to live and is not fair to whoever you're dating.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 4:30pm

I'm not sure I'm getting your point. Did you mean to direct your post to me?

Are you saying we shouldn't even bother discussing it because the guys are just going to lie anyway?

Sheri




Edited 10/4/2005 4:35 pm ET ET by northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 4:35pm
It was sort of a general post to whoever. Just an observation in my limited time in the world of online dating. Perhaps I am foolish to think that there are any men worth having online who are honest, want a long-term relationship and aren't into games. I've been disappointed several times now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 4:37pm
It's possible that they could lie anyway, sure. But, that goes with both men and women. I will say again, it's important to know what you want in a person and not lead people on. I personally don't want to be talking to several different men online if I'm dating one in particular. I don't know how many men would feel the same way though.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 4:38pm

Well, I know there are such men because some of my guy friends have profiles online. And I know women who've married men they've met online who meet those criteria.

That said, I do think such guys are the exception not the rule, but hey, it only takes one ;-)!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 4:43pm
True, it only takes one. I was thinking that very thing just yesterday. For all the bad experiences we've had, ONE good one could possibly make up for a lot of past heartache. I guess I'm just not to that point yet...hopefully will be one of these days. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 4:25am

mitsy2,

I have been using OLD for a little over a week and have realised that it isn’t the boon I thought it would be. It is labour intensive, exhausting and frankly, very disappointing. I doubt I will find my match but if I did meet someone that came close I would never log on again. My attitude is this. If you find someone that you like and have done everything "right" then you should remove your profile and stop shopping the moment *you* feel ready, no sooner no later. There is no minimum (arbitrary) period and there is no need to do it by mutual agreement. I think this attitude of "I'll take mine down if you take yours down" is childish and pointless. Even if they do take down their profile, will you then start wearing disguises and following him/her around to make sure they aren't "cheating" in the real world? If you are dating someone that you don't trust and must resort to clever and/or devious ways to check if they are still using OLD then the relationship will never work, EVER.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 7:53am

I agree and disagree.

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