At what point do you stop "shopping?"
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| Mon, 10-03-2005 - 9:48pm |
I apologize if this has been brought up in the past -- I did a quick search but wanted more info. Feel free to pass along a link to a different thread if need be.
So the guy I met online (that I like very much) seems to be into me. We've gone out on four dates, and each time the conversation was great. Although there has been barely any kissing, etc (not an issue... yet) we do talk or text every night. I imagine there will be a fifth and possibly sixth date this week/weekend. Now, he hasn't come out and told me directly, but from a few things he says (and from the fact that he is always active within 24 hours on his profile) I strongly suspect that he's still "shopping" and perhaps talking to and even dating other people. Heck... I even had a date Friday night (that didn't go well). But I'm "shopping" half-heartedly because my hopes and interests are really with this guy. At what point should I (and should he) put it all aside and focus on each other? How do I tactfully bring up the fact that I might be a little irritated if he is still "shopping" after several weeks of dating? And do I even have a right to be irritated by that?
And have any of you had a guy with whom you were serious, who lied about the fact that they stopped looking on the dating sites?
Thanks, Tobi

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Two months is hardly "months on end"!
There's plenty of time to form that deeper connection once you've decided to date exclusively, and in practice that's how it works.
I hardly see how rushing into exclusively somehow makes the connection deeper.
Sheri
Hey Hal~I wish that more of the guys were like you!! "If I like you I will be with you and it is you and me together, baby!!"
I think the GENERAL experience of folks that have been doing OLD is that almost every single one of us has a story that went just like your example above, with a slightly different ending. Two people meet via OLD and get that 2nd, 3rd, 8th or whatever date "over with" (can't think of a more positive expression lol). They are spending time together, weekends, maybe meeting their dog/friends/gramma, being able to hang out on Sunday mornings reading the papers (with or without the sex stuff-heehee!), knowing what the inside of each of their house lookes like...get the drift? So, no real need for that exclusive talk right? Everyone is having a great time, no need to make an issue out of it because, well, if they WEREN'T exclusive then they wouldne't be doing all this nice "together" stuff.
BUTBUTBUTBUT...BANG! One of them find out that they AREN'T the only one doing this stuff with said other person, or that the other person is STILL communicating via email with other dating site members, or something of that nature rocks the boat. Then it always seems to get back to the "Well, we never talked about being exclusive. I know we were hanging out and stuff, but we never said it was exclusive. How come you thought we were exclusive? I thought things were going fine without having to be exclusive. I'm not ready to be exclusive (but certainly ready to have your penis in me/my penis in you anyway). ACK!!
Whew, stepping off my soapbox now. BTW.... ;~) Has anyone noticed that Hal's sense of humor is a wee bit like LG?? Mayhbe his little bro'?
This is not targeted towards you, Sheri, but is my own personal opinion.
Putting a sell-by date on male/female relations is just too calculated. This may be my age showing (upper 40s) but it seems like a woman saying to a man, I'll give you what I think you are really after once you promise to first give me what I'm after.
Ever wonder why guys have the rep for saying Anything to a woman? It's because women have a need to have things said to them. Conversation is so over rated, IMHO. Why not relax and live a life, have fun, forget the worry?
Am I that an unusual a case that the majority of the men I've been involved with were decent fellows? I am no longer with them, but I can look at the time we spent together as good times. Not everyone I meet is meant to go through life with me. Two months, six months, five years, whatever. Why spend more than a minute worrying about things out of your control, when your time could be so much better spent on important matters -- your family, your friends, your work, your education, your community, your favourite reality show.
Sorry for the rant, but I just can't understand why so much time is taken up in women's lives wondering, "where is this going?".
amjay
What do you mean by "sell by" date?
Sheri
Sorry, I wasn't clear...I know what it *means*, but didn't understand the use of the term in the context of this discussion ;-).
Sheri
>Hey Hal~I wish that more of the guys were like you!!
I don't. The less competition I have the better!
>Hal's sense of humor is a wee bit like LG??
>Mayhbe his little bro'?
I have just read his posts and think he is very entertaining, clever and handsome. A good catch one might say. The type of man that every woman would want. Yes, he is just like me.
>I'll give you what I think you are really after
>once you promise to first give me what I'm after.
>Ever wonder why guys have the rep for saying
>Anything to a woman? It's because women have a
>need to have things said to them.
I couldn't agree more. I read it often in these forums and they almost always end in disappointment. A man who just wants sex is NOT going to answer "Yes" when a woman asks, "Are you only after sex?” but many women still think that this is a valid question. Some women also seem to think that saying these things will help:
1) I am not into playing games
2) I want an honest man
3) I'm not *that* type of woman
4) I need commitment
Remember, "A locked door only keeps honest people out"
I have a question (and forgive me if the answer can be found somewhere in this post) but couldn't *active* simply mean that someone has been contacting/winking you.
Couldn't your account be active even if you aren't visiting the site?
I've always wanted to know this but have never seemed to find the answer.
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