What should I say to ghost?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
What should I say to ghost?
13
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 5:51pm

Hello,
I read some messages about ghost here. I need some advice on it.

Here is the background, I am 34, he is 39 and divorced with 2 kids. I met this guy from a dating service in middle of January. We started to see each other every weekend until last weekend. I could sense the attraction between us is physically chemistry. I like him. But I feel we are completely opposite person. I read some messages here; it said that you at least need 6 month to know a person well. So I decided to give myself more time to see if I really want to date him exclusively. We did not have exclusive talk. We only talked to each other once during the weekday to set up the date for weekend. We did have sex after 6 dates. It seems everything was going great. I called him last Wednesday and didn’t get reply until Thursday. He emailed me. He said he was very busy and would talk to me later. So I did not contact him during the last weekend. It is Monday now. I have a feeling that I might have been ghosted. But I want to leave a message to him and let him know what I feel. I want to call him and ask what’s going on. If he doesn’t want to see me any more, I am fine with it but at least let me know. If this kind of things happened before, I usually let it go. I was very passive on the beginning stage of dating. If the guy calls me and I like him, I will see him. Otherwise I won’t call him often. But this time, I really want to have a closure from him.

I need someone give me some advice what I should say in an appropriate way. I never did this before and I am not good on it. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 9:44pm
I had one cheeful lunch meet send me the "I look forward to developing our friendship". I couldn't end the email fast enough. I take people right at their word and as soon as I hear the friend word I'm gonzo. Let them find someone else to be their male girlfriend...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 11:42pm
yup, yup, my last OLD guy did the same - we dated for a few months, slept together, and had this ocassional several "not hearing from him" days - on the third time I dumped him, when he said, "let's remain good friends." hmm.. I haven't heard from him ever since, though - how odd... !!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 2:09am

>> I can’t believe how pathetic some people can get when they offer such a thing when the breakup isn’t really mutual. After all, real friends don’t leave us – do they?<<

Hang on a minute. Just because someone isn't into being a romantic partner with you doesn't mean they are abandoning you, or that they can't be your friend.

I'll admit, it's a hard thing to pull off; all too often one person or the other is unable to accept things on a friendship-only level. But even in a totally one-sided breakup, the "let's just be friends" thing CAN be heartfelt and honest.

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