At what stage would you let it slide?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
At what stage would you let it slide?
9
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 11:15am

Let's say someone says they'll call on a specific day or at a specific time

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 11:25am

I tend to be too forgiving, but if someone did one of those things at ANY stage of dating I'd be worried that he wasn't that into me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 11:54am

I am okay with an occasional missed phone call or cancelled date if -


1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 1:25pm

>>At what stage are you more willing to let it slide? Before you've even met? After a couple of dates? Once you've been dating regularly? Never?<<

If a person from OLD or RL cancelled a date because they were too busy or tired then I'd say *Next* because it would seem that they weren't really that into me! If it were postponed because of say work or something like that, then I would be OK and reschedule. But if it became a pattern I'd say Next also!

With a persn I am seeing regularly, I would know them somewhat better and probably know if they were lieing or not about why they are cancelling. But lieing is not tolerated with me and good reason for ending a relationship.

>>Are you more/less flexible with other people in your life - friends, family, etc than you are with your dates?<<

The people in my family I know better and so I know this one is always late, this one usually doesn't follow through with anything, this one is always early, etc. So I guess yes I am somewhat flexible with them.

Friends who constantly cancel plans we had made together, especially because of late in the week dates with guys, are usually filtered out of my life because it's important to keep that friendship bond going and with someone who cancels a lot for stupid reasons, you can't count on them and I hate that. I don't do that to them and expect the same from them. I feel like a friend who cancels a lot is not a true friend.

Sunshine

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 1:30pm

Pre-date, I would give them the opportunity
to "mess up" twice. After the second time,
I personally would fear that this is the norm
for this particular person and, I wouldn't
have the patience for such behavior.

Post-date, it's difficult to say ... again,
earlier on (couple of dates) I tend to
think I'd be less patient than if we had
built up to having some kind of history
where, I knew such scenarios were a rarity.

Friends and family, it would depend on the
scenario. A missed call- no big deal unless,
we had scheduled a call in which we needed
to discuss something important. If that were
the case, I'd just hound them until I got
them on the line ; ) Cancellations, once
again, after two, I think I would suggest we
hold off on making any further arrangements
until their schedule permits.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 2:35pm

Hi Hoov,

I am a "third time's a charm" kinda girl. If we have not met,that is okay for three in a row. If we have Just met, then those 3 'hall passes' Need to be evenly spaced out--otherwise, I figure there is some other woman in the check-out line before Me. If we are in a relationship, that 3 times goes much further, especially if they have let me know in advance that there is a big meeting that might run over, etc. Communication is the key to my patience.

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 7:21am

Depends on circumstances. You can usually gage if someone is sincere and has a valid reason, or did they just get a better offer. I would trust my insticts and then decide.

If they cancel or are late early on, I would probably not rule them out completely, but I would make it clear that it was not acceptable and my needs are x.

Like I mentioned in another thread, the second date I had scheduled with my SO was "supposed to get together around 7pm, I will call you that afternoon".

Well at 7:10 he called. WTF? That annoyed me because it was (sort of) passed the time we were going to get together and clearly not the 'afternoon' and secondly, I was assuming at that point, he was blowing me off so I had made tentative plans elsewhere since I had already gotten ready to meet up with him.

But I ended up meeting up with him and made it clear, without being to serious or 'can we talk' about it, that he almost blew it with not calling until after 7.

It worked. We had plans to get together the next Saturday and he was going to be running around all afternoon (car shopping) and wasn't sure what his timetable would be, but he called every couple of hours to check in starting at noon! Cracked me up, I was like, Ok, OK- just call me when you are heading back to the city, I get it, you aren't blowing me off today :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 8:29am
I had a friend who was dealing with this recently. Her SO kept her waiting by the phone all day one day and it infuriated her. She started realizing she was wrapping her life around some guy, so she started making other plans. He would call at the last minute and she'd say, "Sorry, got plans." It drove him crazy. And, guess what? All of a sudden he miraculously started calling when he said he was going to. My thing is, I spent most of my teen years sitting by the phone, blowing off friends if a guy came along. Not anymore. If you don't call when you say you're going to, don't expect that you'll get me when you finally do get around to it. And if you do, I may just be out with someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 9:03am
lilah, what a sweet story! Sounds like a keeper.
Avatar for cyclegirl36
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 10:31am

At what stage are you more willing to let it slide?

Probably, once I had been dating regularly. I am pretty strict with my "rules" at the beginning because I think the person needs to go the extra mile to earn my trust (and I his). Actions speaker louder than words.

Are you more flexible with other people in your life - friends, family, etc than you are with your dates?

More flexible because they have earned my trust!

Cyclegirl