What will u do...????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
What will u do...????
9
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 5:41am
Hi all !, i'm back after a week of absence in here, lots of posts already some have tough issues ha.

Oh well, i have come up with this situation in my mind and i wanna hear what you all smart girls have to say..

heres the situation:

U met this guy online let's say for 7 months or so already. You both clicked instantly, shared same interests etc. so u exchanged pics, e-mails, gifts. etc. He calls u on phone and vice-versa, u are able to see each other too on webcams, talk almost daily and after that u both met face to face...You both fell in love deep with each other . And you have decided that he is the one for you and ready to build your life and world around him..But......the thing is you found out late that he is a Muslim and you and your family is a devoted Catholic...

What will you do? Still pursue the relationship eventhough you know ur beliefs are different , religion wise, and not to forget ur family will not approve it and will get mad.....reallllll mad....lol

ok i want to hear u allll

thnks.....Jen

Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 8:49am
Thats a very interesting question Jen....I honestly don't know what I would do. I think it would depend on how strong both of our faiths are and how strongly devoted we were to them. It could be a possibility for one of us to convert. Such a thought provoking question so early in the morning! lol

Lindsay

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 9:05am
Good MOrning Jen! Happy to see you again! Missed you...hugs!

Ok, so if the man of your dreams is Muslim and you are Catholic, I suppose it would depend on how well the two really clicked. I really wouldnt care what my parents or family thought of my relationship, since it is not they who are in the relationship. I love my family and such, but my personal choices are mine alone. So, I think I would discuss it with my man. I would think thought, after 7 months, religion would have came up and if it was that big of a deal to me, I would have ended it long before we met. Seriously, I think it depends on the compromise in the relationship. Two people can be from two totally different sides of the earth and still fall in love. Love is not discriminating. If you fall for someone, you will compromise on religion. Now with having children, there could be issues, but if the love is strong, the relationship will withstand any obstacles. SO, thats me. Differences are the interesting parts to any relationship in life. I embrace difference and see it as a challenge.

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 11:57am
I agree with Gail. I dont think theres anything wrong with interfaith relationships, so long as each partner respects the others beliefs. For me personally, religion is one of the first things I would discuss, not because I was concerned about compatability but simply because Religion is a huge interest to me. In regards to a Muslim and a Catholic specifically being compatable I think it would depend upon how fundamental each person was in their beliefs. Not to say that if one was fundamental it wouldnt work, it just seems it would take more work. My love and I, while we share similar views do not share the same beliefs. He draws his beliefs from a Buddhist/Gnostic view while I draw mine from a Taoist/Shamanistic view. Anyway it works for us :)

Winter

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 1:16pm


First of all wouldn't you know by his name,his religion?...esp muslims have lastnames(often first names too)that tell their religion....but in case that missed,then I'd say it depends on how important each's religion is to them.....as in can you'll live with the other's customs,traditions,faith,method of praying,number of times of prayer,.....if kids are born,what will they be raised as??....is anyone in for convertion and if not,are u willing to respect the other's beliefs even if you disagree about some point in their faith? ....Nowadays,religion is what you are born into and not who you are.... and ppl are looking beyond it..into the person's soul and nature and sprituality that trancends all religions....So I guess its not a big deal...I personally would not be able to go through with it and.....Maybe its my programming....but if its such a fundamental program in my system then I will need a lot of new programming before I take a chance....could be another 27yrs:)

Family is as important as you think it is..Are family functions going to be a stiff affair or will you be able to weather anything for the guy?Is he comfortable and can he be at home in a catholic house?..Finally if you'll love each other and still are at unease all the time around your close family,it takes a toll on the relationship....So you have to have that talk with ur family or with him about ur family....other than that..u don't have to give their opinion that much value if you want.

Just my 2 cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 1:45pm
I'd have to say no, you can not tell by a person’s name what they maybe. Religion is not something you’re born into. Speaking of myself, I was raised in a Christian household but as I got older I have tried Catholic, Buddhist, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and currently with non-denominational church. I soon want to learn more of Jewish since meeting Deena from the board. It is so many religions that I like to learn about them and it is usually against what my family has taught me and I have had to stand on my own in that stance with family.

As far a children my mates’ religion would be a big thing. If you both re different and disagree on when to worship or how what will our children learn. If you have someone non-religious and never goes to church, it is hard on the children. That plays a big part, in my own personal opinion.

This is a good discussion, I usually shy away from these because they are more personal to me. Sometimes I wonder if my opinion would be construed the wrong way. However, this is what is from my own experience.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 4:10pm
I agree Marie. So far as children are concerned, in such a situation I think compromise is essential. If one partner is so rigid in thier beliefs that they would not be willing to allow thier children to be raised with exposure and/or even practice of both faiths I think it would be a difficult union. Comunication and compromise, those I believe are truly the keys to most confilcts one finds within a relationship.

Winter

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 4:52pm
I agree with Marie. I would say that religion is important to the degree of how it affects the kids. Personally, I am non-denominational and although I do not attend church regularly, I have been a few times this year. I would like to take the boys soon, it seems I may be going this Sunday with them, but you never know with little ones how the day will turn out. lol Anywho. The church I attend is a very open-minded, spiritually grounded facility which doesnt seem to preach really. Just teaches you the right and wrong of the world. Sort of lessons in life. Not really alot of traditional church methods. It seems to fit for me better to have the freedom this church allows and I like the values they seem to share and would not mind my children being exposed to it. This church seems to keep a neutral standard as far as religion goes and that is the best for my kids. Personally, I would only date someone with similar religious values as my own. Like anyone else here, I am sure...it can be a problem if you dont agree on certain issues and with my kids invovled, this is one topic we would need to agree on totally.

Gail

P.S. Not saying there cannot be some compromise in the situation, but it would be hard for me personally is all I am saying. To each his/her own!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 4:56pm
I do agree with you that children are priority and should not grow up confused.

Speaking for myself:

I am a Hindu and have read a lot about buddhism as it comes closest and has origins in india and maybe also because I got to travel to Bodh Gaya where buddha was enlightened and that made me realise that every religion has a place and its uniqueness and should not be misused.........The hindu-muslim thing is a age old thing as you know and only recently have some barriers been broken among the two religions.....even then there is a lot of tensions...but I do hope one day,they do dissolve.....but as it is marriage is between two people and how they can deal with everything about religion and their families concerned.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 4:42am
Thanks for all ur responses...

I think Inter-religious marriage or relationship can be real hard, esp. if both of ur families will oppose..I guess it also can be based on the strength of a person. If the society believes its wrong or it can't work, but if the 2 are both confident and know what they really want in life then by all means they should pursue the relationship..But if they aren;t sure about themselves, then they should not.

They should both compromise and talk this kind of things. For me, religion will take major part of the relationship esp. when you'll both have kids. You both have to compromise which religion you will raise them. Open-communication, sharing, understanding and LOVE are the keys in here..And i think those ppl in it are really brave enough to pursue this kind of relationship.