What would you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
What would you think?
12
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 2:00pm
Ok, let me give you some background. I have been speaking with a guy that I met over the internet for over five months. I let my feelings get the best of me and I fell for this guy, at least the image I created in my mind. During this time my family has been going though some very, very rough stuff and I unfortunately live 3000 miles away from them. In about three weeks I am moving back home and this guy lives around there too. He knows about my family and what they are going through because we do talk so much. Anyway, we were planning on meeting when I returned home. But this weekend he tells me that we should hold off on meeting because I really need to focus on my family and my focus should not be on him. I am not at all sure what to think. My family's problems have been going on for a couple of months and he has asked me before if I thought it was necessary that we hold off on meeting so I could take care of my family. I told him that I wanted and needed to meet him so that I could decide if I wanted to pursue him further. Well he has decided that we will not meet when I return home and that he does not want to meet me until my family situation is worked out.
What do you guys think? Do you think that my family is an excuse for him not to meet me? or do you think that he seems genuine? Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry its so long:)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 2:43pm
Hey there!
I definitely think it's a bit suspect that someone who you've been talking to for the past five months wouldn't be dying to meet you, especially if you're moving close to where he lives. While there is a possibility that he could genuinely be concerned about your family matters, I'm not sure what the two of you meeting has to do with that. There isn't a family in the world that at one point or another hasn't had some sort of problems and this shouldn't be a reason for the guy to not want to meet you. Unfortunately, there are some people who aren't on the up and up about themselves. There are several reasons that the guy could be avoiding meeting: he's married, lives with a woman, etc...Have you reassured him that you still want to meet up regardless of your family situation? If you have, and he insists on not meeting, then you should confront him. If he's lying, he'll probably continue to say that he's concerned about your family. At that point, you have to decide if you're going to believe him or cut him loose. Besides, if he feels as strongly about you as you feel about him, he'd be anxious to meet you.
Good luck
Mali
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 3:15pm
IMO, he is not who he has said he is in some way.
heather 5-18-10
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 4:58pm

Yep, that would be my guess as well...he's not who/what he says he is.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 7:23pm
I have assured him that I want to meet him, and I know that he feels as strongly as I do. He slipped an "I love you" once. And no it was not my imagination, I asked him and he confirmed it. On one hand I think he is scared because his last GF, whom he had planned on marrying, cheated on him. But on the other hand I just don't know. Just a couple of days before he said he wanted to hold off on meeting he was saying how excited he was to meet me, and that he just wanted to be with me. So I am truly, truly confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 8:19pm
Hey.
I certainly see how you're confused. However, the clarity lies in the fact that someone who professes to love you would want to see you, dear. I won't be negative and say that he doesn't love you; however, his actions are speaking louder than the words and the actions aren't showing much love. It's possible that he has feelings for you but, because of something he's been keeping from you, he cannot see you. It's important for you to prepare yourself for the possibility that this man you feel you've grown to love may not be who you think he is. I hope that you're able to find the truth and move on from this if that is indeed what ends up being what you have to do.
I wish you well.
Mali
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 8:37pm
I think that you are right and thank you for the advice. I guess I will just have to see what happens. Thanks:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 6:11am
I think that this guy needs to be straight up with you. It could be that he just wants to make sure you want him for him and not because you need someone right now. Realistically, I think he is using the family situation as a cop out, otherwise he would have brought this up sooner. Just my opinion. Kim
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 5:19am

Well, to ME, that confirms it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:21pm

I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

"I told him that I wanted and needed to meet him so that I could decide if I wanted to pursue him further."

Maybe he is afraid that you will not like him in person and, thus, will not want to pursue him further? Not to say he is NOT who he said he is, but people can come across differently in person while still basically being who they said they are. For example, he may be more reserved in person. It is easier to let down your guard when you don't have to look at the person you are talking to. He may have idiosyncrasies that he is afraid may bug you and turn you off to him. Maybe he is losing his hair or he's picked up weight and you've only seen older pictures of him. Who knows. Remember that men have their insecurities too, even if they try to pretend that they don't.
Like others have said, though, he COULD be misleading you in some way. Then again, any guy could for that matter, regardless of if you know him in person or not; however, I would not automatically jump to that conclusion. Give him the benefit of the doubt for now, but if he continues to refuse to meet you, I'd start asking questions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 2:00am
The guys is either married or involved and that's why has given you the lame excuse of "the family affairs". I'd move on and forget about him.

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