What's up with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
What's up with him?
6
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 8:57am

Hey- guys, sorry I hae been MIA, but with school and my son- I have been pretty busy. Let me preface this whole post, by saying that Teddy and I are still dating, slowly but surely.... Our last date lasted 5 hours, we just sat over dinner and talked and talked and talked. He texted me later and said that he wanted to spend more time with me, and said he really enjoyed my company. -- okay! GREAT! I want to spend more time with him as well. We have never kissed or been intimate. We simply go out, talk, laugh and have a great time. We do not see each other as often as I would like for several reasons. He and I are both single parents to toddlers, neither of our EX's are involved in our children's lives, he just bought a house that needed major renovations, so he has been living out of a hotel for the last few weeks, I have been involved in a nasty custody/child support battle with my son's father. His job schedule has him working 11-9 tues- Sat... which throws our dating off a bit. Now I do believe he is genuine in his feelings and intentions for me, but this whole weekend went by and he didn't even call. I know that he is busy, and I may be making excuses for his behavior- in fact I know I am. But I feel like dropping him a note or something. I don't even know what I would say, except that this is not how you show someone that you want to take things to the next step.

The thing is, I can hear most of you now, discouraging any type of communication like that with him and even just waiting for him to make contact and then be "busy" to show him that I am just not at his disposal... but I really feel that he is confused about me. Because I kind of have been giving off mixed signals- like Hot/Cold responses. And part of that is b/c I am confused by his behavior. One date he doesn't even hug me or iniate contact, and then the next he tries to be affectionate, and then he isn't. I know that is partly b/c I have not been very affectionate or openly touchy. Does that make sense? I am afraid to get close to him, if he is not going to pursue me or if we are not going to be more than "friends"... I am used to the guys I date or go out with to pursue me and to play the cat-mouse game. But it's like he is waiting for me to hail a big flag.. and I don't know how. So that is why I want to say something to him but I don't know how or what?

I like him, he is a great guy, but I think he is holding back for the same reasons I am. He doesn't want to embark on a relationship if it's not the real deal. We both have children and we both want marriage and more kids, but I think he and are good for each other. I am not saying that I want to marry him, I am simply saying that he is good for me. He is responsible and funny and has his head on his shoulders. He's great on paper, but I have yet to feel a spark. I know that there is chemistry, but with out more physical activity or more time together- how can that be developed? What do I do about this? It's like letting a great guy go with out really ever having him...
So, what's the concensus????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 9:28am

You say:

"he just bought a house that needed major renovations"

3 guesses on what he did with his time on the weekend. Major renovations are a major time commitment.

If you want more affection from this guy I suggest you have a frank but nonconfrontational discussion with him. He may not know that this is your desire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 9:49am
I completely agree with you. But my question is how..... I am a little shy, I am used to telling a guy to slow down, instead of "hurry up"... =)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 9:53am
Hi,
I would try to sort out your words and make your expectations clearer to him. Let him know that you wouldn't think he would let the entire weekend go by without contacting you.I would also say that if he intends to be 'friends' that's fine, but you want to know how he feels. A suggestion........try to get him alone, no kids to have this discussion. We all know how hard it is to concentrate with little ones around. Good luck.
E
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 11:31am

Oh, we do not hang around each other's children. That is not something we wish to do right now.
I just don't know how to do it, and honestly, part of me doesn't want to. The old fashioned girl is coming out, and I can't help but feel that if "he's not that into me"... Gosh that book was a blessing and a curse! =)

I know he's into me, but I guess I am just being lazy, and want someone else to tell me what to say and how and when..... =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 11:44am
HI again,
I pictured him with a toddler at his feet while you are on the telephone..I think you are wise not to meet each other's kids too quickly. I know how it is to feel shy, but you gotta get past that. If you are both too shy, you could both walk away for all of the wrong reasons. Find a way....maybe on paper, in a card or a gift? Be creative..
If you don't let him know what you want, he will never know, and I am quite sure he hasn't revealed his mind reading super powers yet, right?
Have fun.
E
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 11:52am

It's been a while since you first started seeing him, so I can't remember if you did this: did you ask him what type of relationship he was looking for, in general? If you did, and assuming he gave you an answer that indicated he was looking for a serious romantic relationship, then you could use that as a basis for your discussion now. Something like, "when we met, you indicated you were looking for a serious LTR but our relationship is feeling more like a friendship to me. Is that how you see it also?" Then let him talk.

If you didn't have that conversation, then it's time to do so, for sure.

Sheri