What's important to you when you date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
What's important to you when you date?
4
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 10:28am

Thanks to sisfox for being the inspiration for this post... I was reading one of the threads on the board and it made me wonder--what's an important attribute in another person if you're looking to date them?


For example, I used to be very lax on a literacy requirement, meaning if a guy couldn't write or didn't like to read I would look past that. But now my thinking has changed. Not that he has to read as much as I do or write perfectly, but I think it's important for him to not loathe reading books and at least be able to express his thoughts on paper.


What is important to you?


Kerry


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 10:52am

We all connect with most people, some more than others and all on different levels. I think as you get older you realize what's truly important. Maybe you meet this guy that shares your love of hiking, cooking or spending time with family but he reads the Harvard Business Review for pleasure -- I don't think that would be a deal breaker as "good guys are hard to find with the right chemistry and values right"....

For me right now, I think once I meet someone, have chemistry, shared values and goals (or so they say) is "consitency" and "time"...I'm so done with guys telling me what they think I want to hear only to find out 3 weeks down the road it was a smoke screen.

I'm convinced especially with OLD no matter how great of a connection ladies you need to take TIME and see if their words measure up with real life actions. I know some guys that like the hunt and once they are done they move on, happens more often then not.

The only true way to know if a guy or gal is into you is to pace yourself, see the consistency and spending TIME with them. The first week or two of dating is a cloud .....

However, I remain optomistic in spite of my dating scars :-)

Ms. Peanut

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 11:11am
i look for a guy that either shares my interests or can atleast tollerate them. if he cant stand country music (which i love) and hes going to constantly nag about it, then hes not the guy for me. i know sometimes some people don't like things, but if hes going to constantly complain... im probably not going to like everything he likes, im and probably going to say something but im not going to complain constantly. we dont have to be the same exact person, because sometimes i like my guy to be into things that im not into, but similarities are nice. and i totally agree on the literacy thing. i cant stand it when guys cant spell even the easiest words correctly. it really gets on my nerves. i also look for good conversation. if he cant keep up with me, i cant stand it. im a talker, ususally i dont make much sense lol, and he cant handle that then, again, not the guy for me. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 11:33am

I think one of the most important things is that he's educated to some degree. It doesn't mean that he has to have a four-year degree, but it does mean that he has some education beyond high school. Military, technical school, or something that helps him be a bit more "worldly" is a big factor for me. Otherwise, their perspective on life is sometimes limited if they have never been around anyone different from themselves.

I also think regular communication/contact between two people is a top priority when you are dating. I see a lot of posts on this board about men not calling enough or staying in contact. To me, that is something that I would expect in a relationship, whether it turns out to be long-term or not. I do not mind doing my share of the calling, but when it starts to seem one-sided is when I start to wonder if the guy is really as interested as he once was. If they are making less effort, then I start second guessing everything.

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 5:18pm

1. An actual, mature, employed, autonomous, responsible, GROWNUP (LOL)
2. Educated beyond high school, for the same reasons as posted above
3. Witty, puts some creativity into their profile & email
4. Ready for LTR/marriage, does not want (more) children
5. Similar view on politics and religion

The trickiest thing for me, is that I have a son and I'm looking for someone who would accept the total package - but most men in my range (26-36) either want kids of their own and I cannot have any more... or don't want kids at all... or already do have their own, but for various reasons I've had to NEXT the few single dads already. :(