Since When?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2008
Since When?
2
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 3:32pm

Did it become OK to:
Text people instead of phone people?
Treat people as " you're ok for the time being but I'm looking for something better"?
Not speak about actions or behavior that bothers you, instead we just drop people like they never existed?

These questions are not gender specific they happen across both genders. I am just blown away though, of how rude we have made the dating game.

I currently am clearly( I think so anyway) dealing with a case of "he's just not that into you" We did initially hit it off, he expressed interest in getting together again I agreed. The hitch being that there's a 4 hour distance between us, So making a second date has been difficult understandably. This past weekend he texted me to say he and a friend were coming into the city.(spur of the moment) he wanted to know if I wanted to meet them for coffee or a drink later I say sure. I hear nothing from him until 6 ( again by text) saying that he and his friend are at the mall. ( No concrete plans are made at this point that's all he texts me) shortly , after that I get a phone call from a friend of mine who needed to vent so we talk.. then at about 9pm I get another text saying that they are going to the bar and that I am welcome to join them. I say actually can we do coffee the following morning instead? (I always like to put my fresh face forward in the early stages of dating..at 9pm I wasn't feeling so fresh) He agrees and says he would like that very much..

In the morning I give him a call to see what the plan is, He texts me at noon to say he was hungover and going to eat, he'd let me know about coffee later.. I say cool. I get another text at p.m. saying he was leaving the city in an hr and if I was up for coffee that would be cool. I respond by saying it will take me an hr to get ready and get to you.. he says bummer..

I haven't heard from him since.. I don't feel like I was out of line for thinking that a guy who is REALLY into me, will take the time and CALL me to set up plans(he has my numbers there should be no reason why he can't have a 3 minute conversation with me).. If on Friday he said,"Why don't you meet us at p.m. at such and such a place", that would have been different.. I however do not sit around waiting for anyone. People who want time with me make plans.

If by chance the guy is pissed off at me for bailing on him, then he needs to speak up and say so. I am not a mind reader. I have enough respect for myself to know what I expect when a guy is interested in me. Dating these days feels like a light switch, one moment it's on the next it's off. I really wonder if we( as an entire dating race) are doing each other a disservice by not speaking up about what bothers us?

Maybe I'm at fault, for expecting too much, who knows, It all just seems a little too ridiculous for my 30 year old mind to wrap itself around...

Anyway, thanks for the great board, it offers some great advice..:) Thanks for reading, I appreciate it!

Take Care!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
In reply to: mynameism
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 2:00pm

I don't think you need to "speak up" somehow; you just need to not accept this type of behavior. Cut off talking or texting or emailing or whatever; he's not into you and you know it, so any more time/energy spent on this dude is wasted.

Move on to find the guy who IS into you. He's out there somewhere, you just haven't met him yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2008
In reply to: mynameism
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 5:14pm

Thanks hjntiy! My thoughts exactly... onward and upward..;) The right guy will do all the right things and it will be pretty effortless for the most part..:) I think that's how it should be when someone is into you...