When?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
When?
17
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 11:24am
What is the earliest you would become engaged to someone? Remember you could always have a long engagement to figure out things before you get married...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 11:57am
I have never been engaged before, but I don't think I agree with this: "you could always have a long engagement to figure out things before you get married..." Engagement for me means that two people are ready to commit themselves to marriage, and long engagement is only acceptable if, for some reason, marriage at that time is not an immediate option. If they're not sure they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other, then why make such commitment? If the change of heart/mind comes after the engagement, that's a different story... but I believe that the moment two people are engaged, they're sure that they want to marry each other. One of my ex was engaged for 7 years with his ex-fiance, and then one day decided that she wasn't the girl that he wanted to marry so he broke the engagement. That for me was immature behavior and was beyond my comprehension - his later infatuation/obssession with me, claiming that he wanted to marry me after two months, and then falling for another girl 4 months later showed his instability. That was of course only one sample that I cannot rationally make any conclusion from, but in general, I feel that testing compatibility with engagement is not the way to go... I haven't really answered the question about "when" but I guess for me it's the same as asking "when" you'd feel like ready to marry someone.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:00pm

At my age, 6 months would be the absolute earliest, but a year would be more comfortable, I think. When I was younger, a couple years, minimum.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:03pm
yea, i didnt quite word that the way i wanted to. but i know someone that is engaged after a month but says that they can always wait a while until they get married (more a long the lines of a year). she knows she wants to marry him thats not the problem. but planning a wedding takes time i guess or something like that. and people are angry with her for getting engaged so fast too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:14pm
I would say six months with marriage several months away. I'm not interested in having a long engagement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:28pm
Would anyone get engaged after a month?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:29pm

>yea, i didnt quite word that the way i wanted to. but i know someone that is
>engaged after a month but says that they can always wait a while until they
>get married (more a long the lines of a year). she knows she wants to marry
>him thats not the problem. but planning a wedding takes time i guess or
>something like that. and people are angry with her for getting engaged so fast
>too.

Sure, if waiting means planning a wedding, then that's perfectly reasonable. But one month is definitely too soon because they're still in the infatuation period and are controlled by the chemicals/hormones that brought the two of them together. It's scientifically shown that you cannot think rationally during that period; everything will seem perfect about the other person (as was what happened to me and my ex...). I agree with the other posters that 6 months to one year is a reasonable length of time before you REALLY know that you'd like to marry that person.




Edited 2/27/2006 12:37 pm ET by jjjj2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:31pm
As soon as all the background investigation and medical reports are in.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:38pm

Definitely NOT!!!!

You don't even really *begin* to know the real person until you've been dating for at least 3-4 months. At a month, it's all about infatuation and projection.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:40pm

I wouldn't. I don't think it is possible to know someone well enough to know that you want to spend the rest of your lives together so soon, and moreover to see things clearly enough to be sure you aren't missing red flags. Let's face it, at the one-month mark hormones are still running the show.

Six months is the minimum for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: nicki8705
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:45pm

I wouldn't but it really is a hard call when it comes to affairs of the heart! It's been so long since a man has WOWed me consistently. I introduced a friend to a guy and she proposed to him after the first few weeks of dating. Mind you they spend 4-5 days a week together (alternating between each other's places)! Yes, she proposed. No ring, just basically they both are feeling the connection and she already knows he is the ONE!

It's funny, the majority of couples usually will state that they knew he was the ONE after the first date!

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