when to do status check

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
when to do status check
5
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 7:37pm

I've been dating this guy M for about 3 weeks by now. We've met about 5 times including 1 formal/romantic date. He came by my place this morning to give me advise on my career move. (which he offered over the phone while I was out of town the whole week this week when I learned about a job offer )

As soon as he came in, I told him I was trying to locate my luggage delayed from last night's flight then he grabbed the number and checked it out for me. I thought it was pretty sweet.
Also, as he told me over the phone, he did go over all the aspects I need to consider for taking a job in detail.

We haven't kissed yet but just hugs ( he said 'you are such a good hugger' not sure what meant by that ! ) And I've been really busy and not very interested in dating anybody else besides the fact there were not too many people interesting on Match.

I think I want to give a shot with him but not sure what he really thinks. Should I bring it up to him what he's expecting from us?

I appreciate your insights.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 7:52pm

Honestly, I think it's a bit too early now. I think the "right" time to do a status check would be before you have sex, after you've been dating for a few months. Just go with the flow and see where it goes, it sounds like he's a nice guy. Take it one day at a time and you'll know when the time is right.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 12:32pm
I agree it's too early to ask him to define what he's looking for from YOUR relationship, but it is perfect timing to ask what he's looking for in a relationship IN GENERAL. If you haven't already, you can ask him what he's looking for in a relationship partner and what he's looking to get out of the online thing. Keep you and your specific relationship totally out of it but try to get an idea if he's looking for a serious relationship that could potentially lead to marriage or if he's looking for a friend or looking to just date. Give it a few more weeks before you get into specifics about your relationship. Good luck!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 12:57pm

It's been my experience that I let the guy do all that and in the meantime I go about my life. When he sees I'm not stopping to wait for him to make up his mind, that's when he makes up his mind.

It works for me - maybe it doesn't work for others but it's worked for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 3:26pm

thank you for the input.
I did not have a chance to bring up about what he's looking for in a relationship. Things came out here and there while talking about other things. He did mention about him being "negotiable" for any kind of circumstance.

But it's a really good idea to bring up about "relationship" in general sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 3:32pm

That's what I've been doing with M. I guess I am just curious right now what he might be thinking.

A while ago, I told him about my ex boyfriend and the closure hadn't been done. Right before we got on each other's car, he said, "So should I wait till you do the closure with your soom-to-be-exbf?" Then I said, "no that's not necessary, it's just me making things clear"

I am wondering if he's waiting for the update on my exbf. There are just a few things he needs to pick up and thing I need to get back.

I will probably bring up what he's looking for in a relationship. Not only because I want to figure out which way we are heading to but that's also a good way to learn what he's expecting.

Thank you very much for the insight.