When do things get too old??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
When do things get too old??
3
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 3:08pm
Hi everyone: I was surfing the net, and when I found this board I thought.. wow! This is just what I need at this moment! I will come here often!! So here's my story..

I met a guy online about a month and a half, 2 months ago, we've been chatting almost everyday since. At first I wasn't too much into it, it was more him... but then I started to get to know him more, and I really like him now. OK, so here's the thing: he's in another country, but I'm moving to his city in about 2 weeks (not because of him.. my move was already planned.. plus, I know people there, won't be alone). Anyway, we already agreed on meeting, and he says he really likes me, and that the worst case would be that we'd end up being really good friends. I have to say, I agree.. I guess I really like him too!

SO, my question is.. what if it's been too much time just chatting? I mean, 2 months? What if it just gets monotonous, and when we meet we won't have anything to talk about?

He hasn't been online for the last couple of days.. maybe I'm paranoid, but maybe he got bored of me? (Am I making any sense??) PLease help!!!

Thanks a lot,

Andrea

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 3:41pm
Well, in my experience, if you are really meant to be together, you will never get bored or run out of things to talk about.

I've had a different experience on here than most. I met my guy online last summer, we emailed for 4 months before we could meet in person (no choice, he was deployed), and after we met it was like we had known each other forever. It was completely natural. We've been long distance for nearly a year now, but every phone call and every visit is great. We never run out of things to talk about and usually end up staying up way too late. So, the thought of our relationship becoming monotonous or boring just isn't conceivable. We both have far too many interests for that to happen.

I do think that your attitude about meeting is great. We decided long before we met that if there was no chemistry, at least we had made a great friend. Fortunately there was chemistry, but it took a lot of the pressure off.

And, I wouldn't worry too much about him not being online lately. Maybe it is just because I'm with a military man, but I know that things come up and he gets busy and it isn't that he doesn't want to talk to me, he just can't.

Hope that helps,

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:24pm
If you are meant to be together there is no such thing as running out of things to say - especially because you will enjoy comfortable silences. In a new romantic relationship (in person, as I don't consider on line chatting to be a romantic relationship) I try to limit phone and email contact to a few times a week and to see the person about once a week for the first month - I like getting to know someone slowly so I can realistically integrate him into my life and me into his - too much talk talk talk feels intimate but often is more of a fantasy and too much too soon and overwhelming in a bad way. You have to see the person through events - colds, job issues (good and bad), family issues (good and bad), PMS, birthdays, holidays - impossible unless you are together 3-6 months with consistent in person time together.

This week I met two men in person that I had talked to only on the phone - once or twice each - and exchanged a few emails with - from a dating site - once again I proved my point to myself - that on line or even phone interaction will not tell you essential information about whether you click in person on a romantic level - nothing to do with looks - with both men, while I found a hint of an effeminate side (a turn off for me) on the phone - in person I was able to notice mannerisms and qualities that would have never ever come through on line - for example - you would never know on line that the man would sit next to you with his arms folded (that sure is a sign) - that when he hugged you goodbye it would be a sort of friendly hug only, and you can never see real eye contact - even on a web cam - all of these things are essential to me - and gritty reality.

So my advice to you - chat once a week tops until you meet him in person. Why get a fake or false sense of romantic attachment and get your hopes up?

Avatar for crystalgirl32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 5:02pm
Dear Andrea,

I went through a similar situation when I met John.We talked for 4 months before we met and when we did we never ran out of things to say.We also agreed if there wasn't any chemistry we would remain friends.So I wouldn't stress about it if you can.Atleast when you two meet you will be closer to each other if things hit it off.

I too used to worry if I didn't talk to John for a few days that he was losing intrest but I think it was my own insecurities because it just wasn't true.Look at where we ended up.Not saying that it will for you but just try not to stress too much about it.Things have a way of working out,Hugs,Crystal