When to ha ve him over-your thoughts
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When to ha ve him over-your thoughts
| Thu, 04-19-2007 - 9:44pm |
Met a guy from Plentyoffish.com, we have enjoyed each others company 2 times so far. I tend to take these too quickly, so I want to take it slow now, he asked to come over, but I think it's best to wait for at least 2 or 3 more dates. HOw soon did you invite him over or he invite u over? I am not trying to be a rules girl, but i am once bitten twice shy. Plus, it's been a while since i have dated, so you know I have a lot of cleaning to do in my "natural habitat" before I can have over anyone! lol I don't want to over think things and he says he wants to also take it slow, but I want feedback from the field. Do tell!!!

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I tend not to invite a new guy over to my house until I'm ready to accept the possibility that sex will be involved. So I generally wait until we've been dating for a while--6-8 weeks or so.
If I were looking for something on the serious side, I'd be a bit leery of a guy who was asking to come over so soon--do you know what type of relationship he's looking for?
Sheri
I would agree with Sheri in that first you want to find out what kind of relationship he's looking for. What does his plentyoffish profile say? Does it say looking for "long term" or just "dating"?
My experience with a guy that wanted to come over my house was that he wanted sex and *nothing* else from me. He would always suggest we hang at my house. Always. Later on, my suspicions that he was only after sex were confirmed.
The guy I'm dating right now, invited me over to his house for our second date. Actually, I brought it up because he said when he's in a relationship that's his preference for Saturday night-a movie, food and his specialty drink-just a cozy night. He's not into the club scene. He said it would be perfect, so that's where I went. It turned out great. No sex, no pressure, just a nice time. But, I did take a risk. For our next date, we're going to the botanical gardens.
But, anyway. I wouldn't let your guy come over just yet. Like it will be awhile until I let this guy come over my house. But, I went over his, so I guess it depends on what you're comfortable with.
My last serious relationship (Carlos) I beleive we had known eachother about a month & 1/2 & seen eachother about 4-5 times b4 he came over. Yeah, it was actually date #5, i had a little dinner party ... & that would be the 1st nite we had "Sexy time" too
I think putting "activity partner" when you're actually looking for a potential romantic partner is a big mistake. An activity partner is someone you play tennis with, or whatever. They could be the same gender as you.
Here's the acid test- an "activity partner" could even be the opposite sex and married to someone else. There's absolutely nothing romantic/sexual about the relationship- it's just someone that likes the same activities as you.
If, and that's a big IF, you wouldn't feel comfy hanging with an "activity partner" of the opposite sex who was married, then you don't really want an "activity partner". You want a DATE.
Just my opinion, but I think a lot of people are kind of trying to fool themselves with the "activity partner, just looking to start real slow" bit. The honest truth is that most of the time, they really want someone to date, they're just not the "hop into bed within the first few dates" type of person.
There's nothing wrong at all with that, or with wanting to take things really slow and easy; just say so. :)
hjntiy: "I think putting "activity partner" when you're actually looking for a potential romantic partner is a big mistake. An activity partner is someone you play tennis with, or whatever. They could be the same gender as you."
Jerseygyrl, I agree with the above. I think a lot of men looking for serious relationships will pass you up by you stating you're looking for an "activity partner". Say what you want. I've noticed that the majority of men do. Like this poster said, that doesn't mean you can't take things slow. If a guy really likes you, he will appreciate that and respect your wishes.
edited to add: I personally pass up all profiles that say "activity partners" "e-mail only" "talk" and that sort of thing.
Edited 4/20/2007 6:45 pm ET by purity2007
I totally get where you're coming from as I've been in that same boat before... But I'm also seeing a potential glitch. You can still go slow and not hunt the guy down by stating what you ultimately want. To be quite honest with you, what I'm getting from your posts is that you're afraid to say you ultimately want a relationship with someone. And again, I understand that you want to start slow and let things build, but if at the end of the day you want to be in a relationship, you have to state that. Otherwise you'll get into a situation where you start falling for a guy and he may turn around and say "well all you wanted was an activity partner." KWIM?
I'm not telling you to change the way you're going at things, just to get really honest with yourself about what you ultimately want and to not waste time trying to build something else into it. Does that make sense? I hope so.
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