When should the phone convos begin?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
When should the phone convos begin?
6
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 6:18pm
Hi,

Its been a month of contact through emails.Its not that serious yet,but we can see great connection between us...Just taking our own sweet time as neither wants to rush in.But he hasn't asked for my number yet and he is in a different country.I am not putting my hopes into this,but was wondering who asks for the number first and usually when is the ideal time?I know it is a relative thing...but one month seems too soon to me.We are just getting to the names and proffessions,likes,dislikes.food habits etc.There isn't anything to say on phone yet...as there are no romantic exchanges between each other yet.We plan to meet first before knowing where this is going.I give myself a year atleast(or more) before setteling down again.

So is my pace all right or am I wrong?

Thnx in adv for ur responses.

Anya
Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 6:59pm
I honestly like to try and talk on the phone as soon as possible, even if it is just for a few minutes. In some respects it helps ease my mind that this guy is for real b/c he's willing to give out his number and such. I have a "friend" (no relationship yet!) and we've been talking for about a month now and started talking on the phone last weekend. It takes things to that "next level" and makes it more personal. BUT...you need to make the decision to talk to him when you are comfortable giving out that personal info and such. Good luck and let us know w hat happens!

Lindsay

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 11:44am
Well, Anya. You know what I think. I would just politely mention a phone conversation may be in order and see what he thinks. Just ask him if he would be interested in you calling him. Or, if you would like him to call you. I would suggest you get his number, and if he says no, well you know he is not ready and you should keep in mind that he declined. I would ask what his intentions are since you two have met. Clarify the status so to speak. Ask him what he thinks of the situation. Are we a couple? Are we just friends? Would you like to be more than friends? Do you want to take things to the next level? I think after a month, you two should speak on the phone. I am not saying you need to start phoning all the time, but once a week would be a nice start. A 30 minute or hour tops call a week. Just my opinion. (wink wink) :)

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 4:27pm
Anya:

I say talk as soon as possible. Some guys are great writers, but once you have to talk to them live, it's sometimes very painful. It's like pulling teeth to maintain a conversation. Writing and talking are so different. With writing, you can take your time and edit your message and you can be witty and flirty, but talking requires quick thinking.

kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 6:05pm
I may have to call as it makes sense that ppl are diff in phone....Its just a month and we haven't met yet and no romance has bloomed...so I was pacing too....I mean there are other things on my mind this month and I thought this could wait.All june,I'll be dealing with lawyers and stuff...I wanted to resume this only after all the hogwash and headaches are gone....

He and I are planning to meet in sept..is that way far off?But he is busy and working and travels arnd to do work and will be able to make it only then...In june/july,I'll be travelling arnd too....So sept seems fine to me....We are in completely diff countries.

We both actually decided to see how it goes only after meeting each other...I am only begining to be interested in him,not passionate yet(plan to check that out on meeting him).....but talked to so many guys online and noone got past 5 emails....

We have no 'I love u' or even sign off 'with love'.I like it that way too.Saying I love u so soon without meeting is a little difficult for me.Besides I don't love him,don't even know him yet...Its like 2 good friends getting to know each other....Like I said I will not commit till I meet the person,even if its slow.

But even if we talk on phone,what do I have to say? I'm pretty lost here."Hi how are you?"and then? I mean should I ask about family in phone or in person or ask in email.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 10:01am
Anya, stop worrying so much. Listen, you will be surprised how easy it will be once you two get to talking. Just ask him the same things you ask on line. Or, sit down before you call and write down some questions you have for him. Just ask him how the weather is, or what ate for dinner or breakfast. What kind of movies does he like? Favorite color? I mean, just be light and fun with it. It will all come into play soon enough. Dont be so scared to jump in feet first sista!! Its fun!! Just go with it...hugs

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 11:59am
Yes I am overthinking as you say:)..been accused of it before too...I tend to think a lot...does that mean I have too much free time on my hands??lol....but I will just make a call and talk,the usual stuff...lets see.

anya