when you're lonely, do you miss your ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
when you're lonely, do you miss your ex?
8
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 7:32pm

It's crazy, I left this man because we could only get along on a casual basis. Once things got serious, we started fighting, and several deal-breakers surfaced. I am fully aware of this, and nothing has changed. But with all the frustrations and bad luck of OLD, I find myself missing being in a relationship...sad to say, even a bad one.

It doesn't help that the break-up was unhappy for both of us, and I know that he would get back together if I called him. However, because of this, I have no intention of contacting him in any way....but I'd be lying if I said I don't think of him when I've spent too many nights by myself.

I'm going to pull myself together...make some mulled cider, clean my house. I'm having people over for dinner tomorrow, so I'll plan what I'm making and distract myself. I just wanted to know if anyone else ever finds themselves in a weak moment, & thinks about calling someone they shouldn't. let me know if so!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 7:38pm

According to my therapist, it is very common and normal to think of your ex when you are lonely.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 7:42pm
Yes, it's normal to miss an ex when lonely. I agree, keeping busy is the best thing, try to stay active with your friends. There's a reason he's an ex, remember? That's what I try to focus on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 7:42pm

Thank you for the reminder, and *blush* it would be a fourth time extracting him from my life. It took me a long time to learn with this guy. He wasn't (isn't) a bad person, he just isn't for me, and I kept trying to make him someone he isn't.

I'm glad to know it's normal, and I'll take your advice and stay busy. maybe start baking the christmas cookies early??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2005
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 7:43pm
Absolutely! I've struggled with the same thing myself. A friend of mine tried to talk me down by saying that our brains long for the familiar, even if we know it isn't good for us, at least we know what to expect. But that's the good part, you know what to expect, so you can try to talk yourself out of calling him. Good luck, and no, you are not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 12:06am
Actually, no. I dated this same guy for years, and he caused me so much humilation and embarrassment that I honestly remember more of the bad than good with him. I can see him in a store and say "Hi" with no malice in my heart now, but I do not miss him. It's been over 6 years ago now since we broke up and looking back, I have to wonder why I stayed with him for as many years as I did. I didn't have much of a backbone for years and thought that I could not get anyone better than him. I still have a lot of insecurities because I've had such a hard time in meeting anyone even remotely interesting (who is also interested in me) since then. But, in my case, being lonely is a much better place to be than being with someone who zaps all your energy and is so needy that you lose your sense of dignity and self-respect in the process. And while I'm still lonely and not very happy with some things in my life, I would never want to go back to my old life with my ex-boyfriend. Someone once told me that there are a lot worse things in life than being lonely. And, in reality, I was very lonely when I was with my ex during those last few years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 9:40am

After I broke up with Ricky, I started thinking a lot about my ex before him, DJ, my first love and the man who I thought I would marry someday.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 2:56pm
When I get lonely I just miss being a couple, not necessarily one person and especially NOT my exhusband, I miss the snuggling on the couch, the kisses in the morning, and the romantic playfullness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 12:34am
I thought I ve been enjoying my single life until I was waching a movie and the gay couple in it had their first fight n then made up and kissed. I thought I could settle for the fight!! This is when I realised it I miss being in a relationship!!
Do I miss my ex!! NAH. I cant be thankful enough for being out of his life. I do miss my future man lets put it this way :)