Where is this Going????
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 10-06-2005 - 5:51pm |
I meet this guy online we clicked right away, he called me and we speak on the phone and computer almost everyday, finally 2 weeks ago I met him while visting some friends out of town. We live about 3 hours away from each other. We instantly clicked not just mentally but we were both extremely attracted to each other.It would be easy to say we were drunk but we werent and we ended up getting a hotel room and having the most incrediable sex.
But then I had to leave and he had to get home to get ready for work. We spent approx 5 hours with each other.
Were both busy people so late night talks and sparse instant message chats are about the extent of it. The other night he called and it got pretty heated on the phone about 2 AM, lets say reminsing on our encounter. Then last night he called about 11 pm and said he was hoping the train and was coming to see me. He had been drinking and was getting very cute affectionate on the phone and then via Text messages. So I went and meet him at the train station and as soon as we meet, it got all intense and heated, ended up at another hotel and had crazy animal sex most of the morning, then it turned to cuddling and caressing, we were both tired since we hadent slept much or at all the ngiht before. He became very passionate and sweet, I started to feel relaxed, feel very confortable and safe a little with him but given the circumstanses I pulled back a little (not wanting to appear emotional/clingy) He had an engagement he had to get to by 12noon and after missing a morning of work, I had to get back. So we parted ways, with the usual I'll call you. We've made plans to meet me (half way) next week becuase I have a meeting to go. Obviously I got a hotel room for the night. And if our past behavior is any indication, we'll hook up again.
Today on my way home I started thinking about where this is going... I have no clue...Right now were just hooking up when we can with our schedules and the distance. I can sense sometimes that he's happy and relaxed with me and were into each other, obviously. I'm just not sure what he's looking for or from me at this point. I'm in my late 20's and he's in his early 30's, we've both been in serious/marriage relationships, so we know how to committ. Obviously we like each other, we've both made the reference of "friends" but I dont sleep with my friends, theres more going on. I keep thinking on his last text message to me early this morning "U miss me" when I replied is that a statement or a question and I didnt get a reply. He's made a remark about if we lived in the same city we'd both be in a lot of trouble. I'd have to agree with him, I think if we did live in the same city, there would be alot more encounters, which in the current state I'm not sure if that would be a good thing or not.
I've read people saying that if your sleeping with him your in a relationship, thats not always the case. I've had casual relationships before but it was communicated clearly upfront about what the expectation was. This is so unclear. I like him but I'm not emotionally involved at this point, which is a good thing, but on the same hand, I do like to know where I stand, some clue or hint as to where its going. But since its so new I'm not sure how or when to bring it up. He's smart, funny, extremely handsome and sexy..But he's a little guarded and I can't tell where he is with all of this, outside of the bed. I'm fine with keeping it casual or even exploring if it could lead to something more, but I have not idea how to bring it up
Does anyone have any advise on how to bring it up without making it sound like I want it one way or another? I typically go the blunt way about things, I've always believed that you should get right to the point then beat around a bush, but in this instance I'm a little hesitant to be so matter of fact and put him on the spot. I've thought about asking on the phone, instead of in person,giving a safe out for the both of us, it seems a little too romantic to have that topic while were in bed together. I want to let him know that theres no wrong answer, not in this instance.

<<< I've read people saying that if your sleeping with him your in a relationship, thats not always the case. >>>>
I tend to agree. There is the term "Friends with Benefits". But why bring anything up to him now? You've only seen each other a couple of times. Just have fun and see where things go......
If there's truly "no wrong answer" (which to me means that you don't care what type of relationship he wants), then why even bother asking?
I guess I'm skeptical that you really mean that, because if you didn't care, why would you even be thinking about it?
Sheri
I do like him as a person and as a adult, I'd like to think on some level, its only fair to ask, because we all think it.
(does she like me, does he like me, This is really great, could this go somewhere, do they want it to go somewhere, is this a one night stand or."friends with Benifits and if so whats the ground rules).
If he's really into me and I'm just having fun,then were not on the same page....theres a potiental for it to end on a uncomfortable note and possibly not be friends later (something I'd like to avoid). Since we've only slept together twice and its still new and we dont have much vested into it and no ones is emotionally involved, if we want different things. I dont want anyone getting hurt if possible, so I think the line of communication needs to be opened, just not sure on the most tackful way of bringing it up and letting him know that since it is so new that I'm ok with it and make sure hes on the same page, without freaking or weirding him out.
In that case, what I've found works best is to say something like, "I just want to see if we are on the same page. I'm looking for , how about you?"
Sheri
I doubt there is any doubt what the relationship is for either of you. Both times you've gotten together it's consisted of hotel rooms and hot sex. So I would imagine that's what it is.
If he's taking you to dinner, out to a show and then hot sex in the hotel then maybe it's dating, but if it's just hotel rooms and sex and hot phone sex and IM's when you aren't together, that's pretty much the jist of it.