Where have all the good men gone!?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Where have all the good men gone!?!?
6
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 12:41pm

Ok, I need to vent some more... Why is it that when you put your thoughts and expectations down on your profile that men think that it's not true??? I mean, if I put down that I'm looking for along term relationship, why in the hell do they think that they will get a casual encounter from me???? They spend hours,, and I mean HOURS on either IM, E-mail, or the phone talking about all sorts of things, what they want, their family, kids, jobs, complimenting me, talking about similar interests..blah, blah, blah..

WHY in the WORLD would a man waste that much time just to get into a pair of pants?!?!?! By god, wouldn't it just be easier to just 'take care' of things and get on with it?? gezz man. I'm so sick of dealing with the incredible BS that goes along with OLD! I can truly respect the people out there who are putting down that they want 'casual' relationships.. At least they are being honest and up front so they attract the right kind of person, ya know? I really hate it when men say one thing then expect the other.
Everytime I meet someone things go great, we connect, have fun etc..BUT if they don't get the sex that time, they totally ghost..I"m so sick of that.. ya know?

Where are the men who stick by their word, whatever it may be, and just be truthful??? They're certainly not on POF and I'm starting to believe that any one of these sites are just a huge waste of time and money (paying ones). *Sigh*

Well, thanks for reading..any thoughts, opinions, agreements.. feel free.

Lisa

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 12:52pm

I hear your frustration!!!

IMO, guys will spend that much time because it's not nearly as easy for them to find someone to sleep with as it is for us. There are just not that many women who are ok with casual sex so at least some guys feel they have a better chance of getting sex if they pretend they are open to "more". And they probably figure that at least some of the women who are looking for LTRs will either change their mind about that, or be ok with having sex right away. I'm not justifying the behavior in the least of course, that's just one possible explanation.

And there are some men out there who truly believe that sex right away is the thing to do, even if you're looking for a serious LTR...I don't get that, but I have talked to men who geniunely seem to believe that.

You're not going to avoid this issue, either IRL or in OLD...it's just part of dating, unfortunately. My only suggestion would be to reduce the amount of time you invest in these guys before meeting, and limit the meeting to coffee. That way, at least you won't feel like you wasted a ton of time on nothing.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 1:09pm

Thanks Sheri!

And I can totally agree with what your saying about finding someone to sleep with. One of the guys I met said that I was 'holding all the cards', meaning that I made the decision whether or not to sleep with him. NOW as true as that was, I wasn't in the least playing that way or any way for that fact. It truly didn't cross my mind that I HOLD THE POWER lol over him that way.. ya know? Please. I have more important things in life I would rather control or manipulate than a man's penis.lol..( I hope that doesn't come across the wrong way, but I think you know what I mean)

Yeah, I know I'm not going to avoid the issue, Hell, I've even had this happen IRL as well with guys who I've met through friends and such so I know it's all over. It just happens that I'm only meeting guys through OLD, so here is where my outlet is.;)
I usually only meet for coffee or lunch for the first meeting, and time invested is usually only a week of talking. So I guess its not the time, it's the content of conversation that gets me.. ya know? I guess I will have to limit time and content of conversation before meeting.. ohhh who knows..;)

Thanks for sharing Sheri!!

Lisa

boston.png Boston Girl image by EmmaLee192

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 1:22pm
Haven't had this in a while but there was a time I'd meet a series of guys that used the "but your playing a game by not having sex to see if I'm for real" I'm more of a living in the moment person.
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 3:09pm

They're out there....I have been pursuing this man I work with for a while now. He is special to me and the thought of sex isn't even remotely a part of our friendship. He was cute the other day when he said he thinks about us watching a movie together and he would rub my feet. He is so refreshing because of that. He has taught me great patience in regards to moving fast with a man. Will I ever get my feet rubbed by my handsome friend? Not a clue..............but he is definitely one of the good men in the world.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 3:17pm
My sentiments exactly!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 5:51pm

IMHO:

Quite honestly there are all kinds of men, the good men saying they are looking for a long term r'ship will usually tell you right upfront, the ones that have issues will be negative and tell you negative things about you.

now the good men, some will def try to get you into bed even if they really like you, and some won't try a thing.. not saying it will happen on date one, but from my experieince and what i have heard from men's mouth they will try if you let them.. not saying they are bad guys, they just are plain and simple horny.

now on the other hand if they tell you they are looking for an ltr and it seems they are not courting you and only looking for you for one thing , my philosophy is that yes they are in deed looking for an LTR BUT not w/YOU.. i know it hurts to hear this or face reality, but guys know right from the get go, and he figures since your not the "one" , hey why not at least try and get something else in the mean time.. (while he is shopping BBD or just one time.. either way)

but a man seems to know if your the one or if he wants to pursue you for the LTR or just for casual.

NOw , regarding females, I hear from men all the time that are looking for LTR's and say the opposite that women are all about casual ...se.....x....and from what ih ave gathered from the get go w/these women that after a few dates they are just not into the man that much and just figure why not and go for that instead of an ltr w/ him.

soooooooooooooooo ... I think my theory if a man or woman is into you they will want to get to know you, mentally, physically everything.. and it won't just be about the "one thing"