where have all the good men gone???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2003
where have all the good men gone???
15
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:06pm

I apologize in advance if I sound bitter but I guess I need to vent.
I am finding it to be more and more difficult to find men in my age range (46-53) that are truely looking for more than just a passing fancy. Or maybe it is my area (MA/so. NH).
I met a guy, did the obligatory few emails, quick meet and have been on 5 dates in the last 4 weeks. He seemed like a good guy. we "clicked" on many levels. I had no expectations...just was going with the flow, so to speak. We talk on the phone every couple days. I called him a little while ago, got his VM and just said "give me a call if you get a minute and feel like chatting". He called back a bit later and the entire time I was on the phone with him I could hear him typing and could here the "bling" of an im coming in to him. How rude!!! I ended the conversation pretty quickly as I could tell he was very distracted by the im'ing. When I said i was going to go he asked why and I said that obviously he was busy and he said that no he wasn't he was just sitting relaxing. Does he think i am an idiot?? NEXT!!!!
There have been other guys that have done similar things. I guess it is time for me to give this OLD thing a rest. I just took a parttime job in a store. Maybe I will focus on looking IRL for someone.
I did, tho, want to say that this message board is such an awesome place. I love coming on here and finding that I am, by no means, alone in my frustrating search. That there are others like me going through a number of frogs before someday finding our prince.
Thank you all.

Polly

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 8:18am

Hi Polly,

I can imagine it is difficult. I imagine a person can get disappointed a lot on OLD. I am in my 40's and I have barely gotten my feet wet in OLD.
I think you may be right about the area that you live in making a difference. Don't give up. And about that guy with the IM'ing...just to insert the Devil's Advocate thing....It is possible he was talking/IM'ing with someone other than a woman friend, no? Just an outside chance, but a chance. ;) Good luck! Hope to see you here more!

Sara

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 8:36am
Polly I am honestly thinking it's our area, I too am in the MA/so. NH area and it's the same thing, no guys put in any effort, they are lackodasical (sp?) at best of the whole process. It's pretty disturbing especially when you read about other people who have great success in the online dating arena especially, I am really starting to believe that the laziest men live in our part of the country when it comes to dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2003
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 8:40am

Hi Sara,

He could have been im'ing a woman, a male friend, his mother. It makes no difference to me who he was im'ing. It just bothered me that he was doing it while talking to me on the phone (and he called me). And the fact that he said he was just sitting relaxing doing nothing.

Don't get me wrong...I have met my share of "good" guys on OLD. They aren't all bad. I guess I am just in a slump right now. Time to take an OLD break.

Good luck with your search.

Polly

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2003
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 8:44am
Ok, good. At least it isn't just me finding this. :)
We do live amongst a bunch of lazy-datering (how do you like that word) men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 9:01am

I use to search in the same age range and I'm in CT. And yes, the pool can be very shallow.

I have to ask, if he seemed like such a great guy why did that one incident anger you so much? Maybe IM'ing with friends IS his form of relaxation? Also, does he really owe you any explanations at this point? JMO. If it always happened, then it would bother me. I think it was good he returned your call.

A little story...After my first date with my current BF, I went home nad got on to email him and thank him for a nice evening. He immediately IM'd me but said he was talking to his friend at the same time. (I think his friend was feeding him lines..he he he.) It did not bother me at all. Just a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 9:26am

I think the point is it's rude to the person you are talking with on the

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2003
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 9:43am
Thank you...that was my point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 9:50am

You're welcome, I thought you made your point pretty clear, I knew what you were saying.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 9:55am

Well, once again, I guess it's a matter of personal preference. I really don't have a big issue with that.

My life gets very hectic and I really do have to milti-task. And with kids it can include having several conversations going at once! LOL

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And mostly I agree. However, perthaps he felt a quick response to her VM was more important?

I've seen people complain on this board way too often, and I'm guity too, that they didn't call back quick enough...are they still interested? I'm just saying cut the guy some slack. I would have continued to see him, but kept this on file as something to watch for and repeat occurances would not be tollerated.

I think, sometimes, we're just too quick to say "next" over the slightest infraction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 10:33am
I understand multi-tasking and also being too quick to judge.

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