Where is he??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
Where is he??
23
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 1:49pm

I'm sort of new to this board, but I'd like some opinions on whether I'm doing the right thing or not...

I started seeing this guy about 4 weeks ago. We've had a couple of dates that have gone great. I think we have a lot in common and both seem headed in the same direction in life. Our last date lasted pretty much all night long and he ended up staying over merely because he lives 45 minutes from my place and it was 3:30am. He got up early, kissed me goodbye and left the next morning.

I didn't hear from him until 3 days later when he called me to say he wanted to see me over the weekend, but wasn't sure if had the time as he had a ton of work to do around his house and didn't know how long it would take him. I said to call me when he knew what he had going on.

Saturday morning came and I hadn't heard from him so I emailed to see if he'd be available or not because I wanted to make plans with my girlfriends if he wasn't. He emailed back and said Saturday was not good, but Sunday "might" work or we could get together Tuesday for some drinks. Both Sunday and Tuesday I was busy so I emailed that neither of those nights were good but offered reasoning why and said I was free Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. Well, I haven't heard from his since. I called him on Tuesday night and got his VM. Left a short message saying hi and to call me back when he had a chance. Still no reply.

Not to defend him or anything, but he's a HUGE sports fan and baseball has been on almost every night this week. He warned me of the sports addiction right up front so I could see him being busy with that the last couple of days. I'm just annoyed that, if he is still interested, why can't he write me a quick email to say hi or something. I'm not a high maintenance girl and I understand being busy. I just don't think anyone is so busy they can't take 2 minutes out of their day to make some sort of contact, especially since I was the last to both email and call. The ball is obviously in his court.

In any case, I've decided to give him up until tonight to get in touch, if not, then hasta la sports fan! I spent too many years with a man who ignored me and I refuse to let it happen again. Am I being too rash? Should I give him more time or am I right to give him THE BOOT!?

Thanks for listening ladies!
Meg

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2005
In reply to: meghanvl
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 12:19pm
Yeah...this situation is going backwards.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
In reply to: meghanvl
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 1:05pm

i am getting in this a bit late but wanted to add my 2 cents.

first what were the r'ship goals that you both had? were you looking for more of a longterm r'ship or just casual dating.

I ask this becasue if you get those defined and out of the way right away , you will know how things should proceed.

if he says casual dating then what he was doing was just fine

if he is into long term r'ship /then what he was doing was the mere fact of "he's just not that into you".
a guy that does want a long term r'ship will put his best foot forward, plan dates in advance and make sure you don't get away.. those action speak pretty loud

a guy that isn't calling or is putting sports before you is just not that into you or is just into casual dating and that is purely it.

if you are not, then you have to say next and not just be around when he feels he is free or wants to make time for you.. this kind of person may never change or want the same things WITH YOU. so i say NEXT...my thinking was he was just into casual dating/ and that was it, and just wants to be free and maybe he wasn't as into you as you were him in that way..

you deserve someone that is putting YOU first!!! that means they like you and want to spend time w/you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: meghanvl
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 3:56pm

I admire the fact that you let this guy know you aren't going to wait around for him forever. I'm also glad to know that the experiences I've had with OLD are not unique. I continue to hear the same type stories over and over again. Some are not exactly alike, but there are similarities that continue to play repeatedly with different men.

I think it is plain wrong for a guy to show you a lot of affection (which means "interest" in my book) if they aren't serious about wanting a relationship with you. If it is casual dating only they want, they need to make that pefectly clear on their profile...so NO ONE is mislead to believe otherwise. What has happened to me is that I find men who say they want a long-term, committed relationship when they either don't truly want that or live in the delusional world that there is always going to be someone better out there online--no one will ever measure up to their expectations. They don't give the woman a chance before "bailing" on her. That is what happened to me. But if they continue to waffle or use us, we don't need them to begin with. Chances are very good that they won't change their ways with someone else either. Sad thing is that another woman will get hurt much in the same way that we were--that much I can almost guarantee.

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