WHO does he think he is

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
WHO does he think he is
17
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 6:12am

This kind of goes back to the "Doesn't call when he says he will" post. I posted a reply to that and gave an example of a guy from OLD that said he would call and then didn't.
Well, I teasingly gave him a hard time about it via instant messenger, and he "promised it wouldn't happen again." So after chatting for a few minutes he said he had to sign off, but wanted to know if he could call me. I said sure. And call me he did...FOUR HOURS LATER (at 12:30 A.M)...I was sleeping!!! I heard my phone ringing, and when I saw what it was I was so frustrated I had a difficult time going back to sleep. I felt that to be horribly inconsiderate, and extremely rude!

I'm not real sure how I'm going to handle this one, other than at some point in the near future telling him that he doesn't need to attempt to communicate with me anymore.

I'm getting back to that point where I've about had it with OLD for a minute. The Mr. Wonderful I met a week ago turned out to get on my nerves after three days. He wanted to spend every minute of my free time with me, and I can't handle that after being single for so long. And then when HE didn't call when he said he was going to, and made up a whole STRING of excuses the next day, it was a huge turn off.

Sooo, that's my vent. Thanks for listening!

M


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 10:18am

You know, I'm also torn about this one. If the guy doesn't call, we get mad yet when he does, we get upset because it's not when we thought he should call.


And this is definitely not a criticism of you because I battle with this myself. I had a friend who wouldn't call back when he said he would. And after I talked to him, he did, but a few times he did so really late. So I let him know that I appreciated it and gently told him that if he wasn't going to call me back by a certain time, to just let me know. I think the trick is in not making the guy wrong.


In your case, the guy listened to what you said and though it wasn't within your timeframe, he did call back. I would try not to get upset and focus on the fact that he did call back. Now it's up to you whether he's worth trying to work with or if you just want to let him go... that's obviously something you can decide. But what I'm learning more and more is that people just were not all raised in the same way and when we start placing our expectations on them about certain things, it can lead to frustration.


Just my 2 cents.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 10:47am

I think calling someone at 12:30 am is extremely inconsiderate.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 1:09pm

I'm torn on this also, because the first thing I thought was, "Well, he did call me back!" lol Good for him for that. It was just 4 hours after I thought he was going to. He did call me at 11 this morning also, but I didn't answer, because I just didn't feel like dealing with it right now. I was a bit irritated when he called as late as he did last night, so I think I need to get over that before attempting to talk to him about it. And of course, neither time, did he leave a message. I kind of get irked about that also, especially when you're calling me at 12:30 a.m. He doesn't know me well enough to know that I usually am up at that time. But he did know that my daughter was sleeping and my brother (18, special needs child) was spending the night with me, so common sense seems to tell me that 12:30 a.m. is a little too late to be calling.

Who knows. I'm finding that with all of the men I'm talking too, I find myself just wanting more and more solitude, and becoming more and more fussy about what I want/expect from a man.

I'm hoping I'm not getting bitter and turning into an old maid at the age of 30, even though I DO have two cats!! lol

Thanks for the thoughts!!
M


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 2:32pm

I agree.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 8:33am

To avoid problems like this in the future, I would suggest letting a man know when is an appropriate time to call. I'm sorry but I'm not buying the "oh, we want him to call" and now we must act as if he doesn't know what is a respectable hour to call. It seems as if we make too many excuses for men!

When I'm chatting with someone and we take it to the telephone; I let them know the best time to reach me and also that I prefer no phone calls after 10:00 pm. This particular guy in the post is a jerk! He didn't call when he said he would; and then to call her at 12:30 am. He needs to be thrown back in the lake!

That's BS about people not being raised the same way when it comes to things like this. The bottom line (and I have friends who allow it) is that women are being way too accommodating. We give second chances and/or compromise right from the onset and these guys seemingly NEVER do! Yes, we all want relationships but I don't think we have to accept calls after midnight and men who don't stick by their word initially. Ironically, it never fails, these men who display this type of behavior from the onset usually get worse or ghost!!

The poster should NOT waste her time with this one.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 10:12am

Who wants a man THAT clueless (well, downright RUDE, IMO, but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here!)??? No thanks!

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 10:14am
We posted at the same time...hear, hear!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 12:34pm
I agree completely. I usually tell a new guy when we start dating to call before __ and that works wonderfully, the expectation is stated upfront and guys always meet it. But, anyone beyond college age who needs to be told that it is not okay to call someone you don't know at 12:30 am just to chat is clueless!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2006
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 12:38pm

Vent away girlie..you are entitled..

They say "its a mans world" but..only if we let it.. men only dish out on the people that they think they can get away with, a lot of men will try to see just how far they can push that button..its up to the individual to draw the line believe me they love it!!
My moto is if they do something that I dont like they jolly well hear about it loud and clear..I used to take it all on the chin and keep quiet but it got me no where so I did a complete turn around and now I dont have any problems..

Take care and have fun
Sue..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 12:40pm

I agree and want to add, forget this guy, seriously - you two are on different wave lengths. For me if I have to tell a man not to call after a certain hour of the evening (to me this is common sense) then he's not someone I want to get to know. I've had guys who emailed the next morning saying "hey peanut, I got in after 10:00 and didn't know if you'd be asleep and wanted to apologize for not getting back to you,

 
 

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