Who goes next? After girl set 1st date..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Who goes next? After girl set 1st date..
2
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 3:33am


So I've posted this same question elsewhere, but thought I'd see what you gals thought. I emailed a guy on Match, he's the only one I've contacted myself. He responded back and we chatted via email for about 2 weeks. I suggested we meet for drinks and so we arranged to meet...

So Friday we went out for dinner & had a great time! Wee clicked right off the bat. Conversation was easy and the night went great. Hugs and smiles at the end and he says we should do this again...I agree and we both mumble something about calling each other. He states he has guests in town next weekend and is busy, but... and that's how it was left.

So, no 2nd date set at that point. No clear understanding of who was going to call who next.

Rules rules rules. They say I shouldn't call him, so I haven't which is fine. But I'm struggling with a good reason why I shouldn't? He's super busy with work and isn't much of an emailer...and we've chatted by phone a few times and he was usually just getting off work at 9pm. Busy guy with a big career.

So is it THAT bad if I call him tomorrow night? I'm not desparate or crazy, and a confident person...so why do I care who goes first? My only thought is that some men are traditional and like to lead...but so far, I've been doing the leading and he's seemed quite happy with it? :)

Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 7:29am

I think it depends on how important it is to you to have a guy who initiates activities in a relationship vs. you doing all the initiating.

This dating a period is a trial run for what it would be like in a long-term relationship and if you are the one who always calls and makes the plans, then I would expect it would be that way... forever. Maybe not. But past behvior does indicate future behavior.

If this is ok with you, then call him. If you are looking for a guy who calls and makes plans, then sit back and wait for him to call... see what happens.

He may be genuinely interested and looking for a woman who does all the planning. It is just a question of style and comfort levels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 11:21am

You've been chatting on the phone so I don't think there is anything wrong with ONE call on your part to say hi and see how his weekend was.

heather 5-18-10