Who has the time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Who has the time?
10
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 11:16am

Last night I was just giving a glance at match.com to see who is out there. I have to say that there were probably 250 guys at least in my area (w/in 25 miles) and in my selected age group. I just kind of skimmed over since I'm not a paying member. Who has the time to search through all of those people? lol

Right now trying to fit in time to date is a little tricky. I still have 14 yr old DS at home. His dad does take him EOW, but since he works all day on Sat. (this is the 1st time in 25 yrs that he's had to do this, he used to only work 1/2 day) that means that my free time is only Sat. night & Sunday, plus there are 1-2 nights during the week, but then again, I would have time for a dinner, but nothing late since I would have to pick up DS from my ex's house at a reasonable hour since he has school. I could go out & leave him home alone but I don't like to do that too often. Meanwhile I also have to fit in time to see my friends & do other activities. Which is why I think I won't sign up right now. Maybe I'll have to wait a couple of years until he's a little more independent. :(

There was one person that I would have liked to have emailed since he mentioned that he went to the same college as me and based on his age we probably graduated the same year. I didn't recognize him, but he was very good looking. I just think it would have been fun to have that in common. But it seems if you're not a paying member, then no email privileges.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 12:41pm

Actually, I think you can email. I say this, because I was contacted by a guy recently who wasn't a member, but I was still able to send him an email. I don't think it's always been this way.

I wish there were 250 men in my search results! But, I have more free time than you do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 12:58pm

You don't have to look at 250 profiles!

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 3:46pm

What's funny is that I will leave DS alone for other things that I do for myself, so I have to think why not for a date? I think it's more that the other things that I do are like pre-scheduled events. Like last week I had a meeting of a club that I belong to (American Assoc. of University Women) that has a speaker once a month, so I knew plenty of time in advance. It turned out that he went over his dad's that night. But I could tell him "well, next Tues. I will be at a talk at the library that starts at 7:00 and should be over by 9:00." Or if I'm going to my dining out group meeting the dinners are all close by & it's the same thing. I think part of it is more that he is at that nosy age and I would like to keep him out of my dating life. It was easy when the kids were little and they weren't asking where I was going. I tried once this summer & got to the point of talking w/ a guy on the phone. I arranged a night when I knew the kids would be at dad's for dinner (my other child is a college student). Normally they wouldn't be home til at least 9:00, of court, this night they came home early so he was home when the guy called, I took my cell upstairs and then he was all nosy about who was calling & why. He is also anxious. I mentioned something about arranging to meet some women who are on a message board and he was worried that they would be murderers or something or that maybe they weren't really women--they were strange men pretending to be women, who would attack me! I mean, this kid really has some imagination. Then he said "well, does that mean that I could talk to a stranger on line and then arrange to meet him?" Of course I said no, that's different, you are a child, but ideally I would just like to keep him unaware of the whole situation until I am dating someone who is going to be around for a while. When I was doing OLD before, between the 2 DHs, the kids didn't meet anyone until I was dating 2nd DH. Yes, I know I actually could do this if I really wanted to, it would just take some arranging.

DS can't stay over his dad's on a school night because dad lives in a diff. town. It's actually not that far away but I would have to drive over there to pick him up to he could get to school in the am since dad goes to work at 4:30 a.m. That's why I can't go on any vacations during the school year. So unless it was a real emergency or very special event, that wouldn't really work.

I did think that because my ex now works all day on Sat., he should really be taking DS every Sat. night & Sunday, since I have him every Fri. night & all day Sat. That would even it out. Unfortunately last year our church decided to have religious education on Sun. a.m. even though no one really wanted that time. Before it was always one night a week at about 6:00 for the jr. high kids. This is because they want the families to go to church together and then do religious ed after that from 11-12. Luckily it's only EOW. And this is the last yr for him in 8th grade. The 9th & 10th grade confirmation class goes on Sun. night. If I had younger kids, I think I would have to send them to another church. It doesn't really sound like much of an effort to bring them to church for one hour EOW but the timing does interfere w/ other things that the family might want to do. This week he skipped it because he was over dad's last night for a party and he wanted to stay to babysit his nephew. I just figure that eventually I will get through this time and before I know it, he will be in college and I'll have every night free and might wish he was here to watch our TV shows together. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel of child raising.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 8:17pm

I hear ya...I have similar logistical issues and have my girls way more than is fair.

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 10:28pm
This is funny--I was driving him home from his dad's tonight and out of the blue he said "I think you should get out there & meet men." And here I am so worried that I have to spend every minute w/ him. Of course, my #1 job is still to drive him wherever he wants to go so his social life won't be interfered with. lol And I know all the details of his social life because he tells me. Like he told me that his GF's dad caught them making out. When I went on a kind of date a couple of weeks ago, his GF made me this funny drawing of me & the guy going to a disco. Yeah, my disco days are long over, but I told her I'd keep the drawing cause it was funny.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 7:51am

My kids are 14 and 17. My dating 'rule' is: one possible on a school night, but I have to be home by 10, and one weekend night, home by 12.

I have my kids 24/7, no visitation unless their father shows up for an overnight, but that only happened 5 times in the last year, so it's nothing to count on.

Fortunately, the person I am seeing now has custody of his (younger) kids, so this works out really well, and he puts no pressure on me to go out more or do things too spur of the moment. If he has the weekend off (no kids) he lets me take the lead in doing something more spontaneous (but it usually doesn't happen!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 10:12am

Heaven help us, we thought we were divorced but it still feels like the old ball and chain!


sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 2:33pm
If dating is truly that important to you....you'll find the time. Best of luck to you!






















































iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 11:22am
Hi Musiclover12,
When we want to get out and date, will find the time. All it takes a maybe a few hours a week at the least to get out and a little phone time here and there to get to know the other person. I am also a single mother, widowed 9 years, two boys 17 and 15, and I agree with you in not leaving them home alone late at night to be on a date. I will go run errands or other things in the evenings, not later than 9:30 pm. My biggest fear is to be on a date at 10:30 or later and have something happen to my children. My boys have gone through the motions of questionning me quite a bit about different men I have talked to on the phone or gone out with, which is why I dont' involve my boys unless I have to. If they are going to be gone or doing something with others, that's when I take advantage of dating so that I don't have to get the neverevending questions of my children about me marrying the man or having more children, believe me it does not end. I understand they are young, afraid of the unknown, and what could happen in the future; but at the same time they make all kinds of assumptions that don't end - LOL. If we really want to date, we will find the time and it's a matter of priority of what we want for ourselves. We will always have something to do or be busy, especially as a single parent. It's important for us to have time for ourselves as an individual and time as a parent, a mother to our children. When the timing is right for you, I am sure you will find the time. As far as signing up for online dating sites, it may not be worth the cost to correspond with one person for a 3-6 month or one-year contract agreement. The reason I don't sign up is because I don't want to commit to 3 or 6 months, the service providers get you when you pay monthly because the fees are higher. I did try the online dating several years ago, every now and then I go back to look to see whose new to the site because there are still many men on the sites that have been there for years. I wish you well.

Anna


Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 1:59pm

Dear Anna:

That's why I figured that if I tried OLD I would start w/ a free site just to see how things go. I realize this won't be forever cause DS is getting older. But now I just found out today that my ex is going to Florida for a week starting tonight. DS was supposed to tell me, but he forgot. I am supposed to go to a meetup dinner on Thurs. I will probably still go to that cause it's only for a couple of hours and not too far away. Then next weekend is Halloween on a Sat. night. The weekend after that, which is supposed to be his weekend w/ his dad (which only goes from Sat. night to Sunday anyway, so it's more like 24 hrs w/ dad), he already told me that Fri. night is the 8th grade dance and Sat. night he has been invited to a BD party. So that's my life right now--kind of trying to fit in my social life in between what he is doing. Ironically the other day he told me that I should get out & try to meet someone! But he is probably like your kids--when he knew that I went out to dinner w/ a guy who is someone I met thru OLD years ago, he was full of questions. It was so much easier to do this when he was little & wasn't interested in what I was doing.