who is right and who is wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
who is right and who is wrong?
12
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 8:03pm

I am curious to see your comments about an email correspondence I had.  I live 40 minutes north of New York City and this guy from eastern Long Island emailed me (Mineola).  I think a car ride will be almost 2 hours between us, not to mention a bridge and toll.  So this guy emailed me and all he said was "You have nice profile in everyway."  I just replied thank you because I have manners.  He replies back and says this:

"I admire that you read ~ that's great ... Did you get much snow up in ABC town?"

Now to be honest, I got a lot of emails today from guys 2 hours away.  Do they not even pay attention to where women live?  The thought has not occured to them to check google maps or mapquest?  I guess I was in a bad mood but this is what I replied:

"Yes I love to read. I have also read on your profile that you are from Long Island. Do you like to read map books? We are hours apart. Sorry, but I am not interested. Good luck in your search and happy holidays"

His reply "All I said is you have a nice profile and you read that I was interested from that??? If I was I would of said I find you georgeous let's get together ~ but I did not ~ Merry Christmas and an extra good luck to you!"

My reply:  "why bother emailing someone then? to waste your time and the recipient's time?  Ok, extra good luck to you too"

What do you all think?  Do guys email women if they are not interested / want to be pen pals?  Did my reply catch him off guard and that is why he said what he did in his reply?  Just curious.  Thank you.


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Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 8:27pm

  There are so many reasons.  Many women do the same thing.  Some keep thinking like they were teenagers an some one would trave 3 hrs to see them.  Most are not interested in someone who is geographal undesirable.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 8:58pm

I think many men email women when they aren't interested in ever meeting (and I suppose women do it too--all I can go on is my experience with men).  I don't see why you had to be rude about it--there are some people who wouldn't be against a relationship where the person is 2 hours away--heck, there are people who would fly across the country to meet someone.  Recently I got an email from a guy in southern NH and I live South of Boston so we are 1.5 to 2 hrs apart--but he did say that he comes to Boston sometimes for business.  I just wasn't that interested.  Oh and the primary subject of his emails seemed to be what kind of music I liked (cause I said that I sing & play the piano).  I think when you responded the way you did, the guy just had to save face so that's why he said he wasn't interested.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 9:37pm

Well, my daughter met & dated a man while he lived 2063 miles, a 4 hour PLANE RIDE, away.  She married him after he moved a mere 900 miles away.  I think your replies were rude and ignorant, and a clear indicator of why you are still single.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 11:27pm

sabrtooth wrote:
<p>Well, my daughter met &amp; dated a man while he lived 2063 miles, a 4 hour PLANE RIDE, away.  She married him after he moved a mere 900 miles away.  I think your replies were rude and ignorant, and a clear indicator of why you are still single.</p>

Trailgirl-

I am a man living in NYC and I have travelled long distance to meet women I met online. In January, 2003, I flew off to Sydney, Australia to meet someone. We were a couple for a year. I spent a month in Australia with her and she then came to NYC for two long visits. In January, 2007, I flew out to the Midwest to meet another woman I met online. We got married that May and are still together.

I would only travel long distance for a likely soulmate. With both women, I IMed, emailed and chatted by phone for weeks before buying the plane tickets. Also, although I have lived in a big city, I wasn't happy with the ladies close to home I was meeting. Likely one or both of these factors motivate the guy from Mineola and other guys. He may be sick of Long Island women or your profile indicates you may be the woman of his dreams.

I am more diplomatic than sabrtooth, but if a man is otherwise a good prospect, I wouldn't write him off just because he doesn't live close.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 12-11-2013 - 12:36am

As the others have already said, two hours is NOT such a great distance, but if you think it is, fine.  Why was it necessary to be rude?  Doesn't sound like "manners" to me!   He said you have a nice profile, he didn't say he wanted you to drive to his location.  All you had to say was "sorry, but I'm looking for someone closer to where I live".  I think in future profiles you need to specify that.......no more than two subway stops away, or in the next block!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 12-14-2013 - 11:25pm

I don't blame you for being irritated. I have had similar scenarios on OLD.  I remember one guy emailed me and said something to the effect that "so many lovely ladies from your city are lonely".  I emailed him back to the effect, ok, are you interested in getting to know me, or is this just a random waste of time email?  I have limited tolerance anymore and my bs meter  has long ago gone to overdrive.  He wrote me back with some snide comment.  One more reason I am so turned off by OLD.  Why write someone if you really aren't interested?  What a colossal waste of time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 12-14-2013 - 11:27pm

Wow, judgemental much?  Bully for your daughter.  Sheesh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 12-14-2013 - 11:29pm

Sigh.  It is tough to be the soul of decorum on OLD.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 12-14-2013 - 11:31pm

Agreed.  But you stated it so much more diplomatically, as you generally do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Sun, 12-15-2013 - 2:26pm

original poster here. I thought about this alot since I last made the post.  Long distance relationships (LDR) need time and money.  I don't have time and money.  I mean I would assume.... or just to be logical, anyone in a LDR has to take off work, therefore use their vacation time, and spend moeny for air fare......  My employer allows me only 22 days per year - I have PCOS and bad acne as a result so I need my vacation time to see a dermatologist once a month.  I also have bad kneesfrom being a runner/jogger (on the trail near my apt. hence my ivillage name here.  I also had knee surgery a while ago and now they are startring to hurt again - so I need to take time off for doctor app'ts.  I guess given my lifestyle or how I choose to live my life, has an affect on my attitude towards money, time, and  LDR's.  

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