Who should pay on first meet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Who should pay on first meet?
7
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 3:55pm

I recently signed up on Match.com. After a couple of emails with this guy, I suggested getting together and meeting if he was interested. He gave me his phone number. I called him and talked a bit. He listed some places and asked me what what I'd prefer. We're meeting for drinks/casual dinner (wings, sports bar type of food) on Monday night.


When I did OLD a couple of years ago, the guy always paid on the first meet or the first few dates if we wound up going out more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 1:10pm
The guy always pays and sets the pace of the relationship. That way you know where you stand because his actions speak louder than words. You can choose to stay or leave based on those actions. I wish I had learned this lesson when I was younger!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 5:04pm

I appreciate all the replies.


Floridagirl52, I have read "The Rules for Online Dating". I haven't read John Gray's book yet or the other one. Thanks for the tips.


I've had sort of hit or

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 11:58am
I don't really consider a first meet the same as a first date where a guy you already know asks you out. I would always offer to pay on the first meet, but I do think that most guys will refuse, esp. if they like you & want another date--they don't want to seem too cheap.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 12:34am
Nearly always, but I always make sure I have enough to pay for it anyway. Sometimes when a guy is super creepy you don't want him to get it in his mind that you "owe" him something for it. KWIM?
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 1:33pm
Incidentally, there is a very HEATED debate about this right now on askmen.com.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 11:52am

I would agree that the man usually pays. I haven't been on a date yet where he hasn't! I would expect him to pay on the first couple dates before I offered. First few dates are usually not at elaborate, expensive places in any case. But that is generally because the man does the asking. If you asked him out, then when the bill comes you might offer to pick it up or offer your share, because you did the asking :)

I invited a man to golf once, and when we got there I tried to pay, because I asked him. He said no, he'd get it. But I felt I had to offer, since I asked.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 7:20am

Yes, the man pays. And it's not so much about the money—after all, coffee/drinks/wings is not a lot of money. It's more about showing the woman a good time and being the "host" if you will. It's like a man opening the door for a woman: of course she can open it, but isn't it nice that he does?

I used to be very liberated when it came to men--I'd ask them out, I'd pay, I'd call them, but I don't any more. Things have gone so much better. I just think it's better--in the beginning--to allow the man to pursue.

Have you read "The Rules for Online Dating"? It's not quite as gag-y as "The Rules." I think some of what they say is really silly, but by and large, they've nailed it. You may also enjoy John Gray "Mars and Venus on a Date." Another good online dating book is "Fine I'll Go Online."

This is a much-debated topic on this board, and many women will disagree with me. All I can say is being more "traditional" in this regard has paid off.