Why bother?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Why bother?
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 10:29am

Well I contacted a guy on a free online site last night which I hardly ever do.  I haven't really done OLD in quite some time and I don't really ever expect it to work out--in fact I forgot that I had even contacted some people until I got a message this am.  but when I read the message, it was disappointment.  It was something like "Oh I just met someone & I want to see if things work out with her before I start dating someone else."  Now my first reaction is if you are dating someone else, why are you on the site that day?  I do suppose they could still be communicating through the site email, but I doubt it.  Usually after you start actually dating, you have the other person's phone number, right?  so I assume the guy feels it's a nice white lie, better than saying nothing or sorry, I'm not interested in you.  

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 11-08-2013 - 8:17am

I don't understand why peopl even respond when they're not interested. Yes, why bother? And such a lame reason. I'd rather someone just sock me on the jaw.

You know you can't take it personally, but I know it's hard not to. Yet another reason I quit OLD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 11-08-2013 - 10:20am


Hi. It's actually pretty rare online to say something when not following through. Most times, when someone is not interested you just don't hear from the person(again). That is annoying also. Furthermore, rejecting a stranger gracefully is hard, since people can be very different. As to whether he is telling the truth, you really don't know what is going on his side. I could see myself going online one final time, letting other women I've been in communication with know what is happening, and then suspend my account immediately afterwards. The test is whether he is still online today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Fri, 11-08-2013 - 4:00pm

Say “I just met someone and want to see how it works out first” is the same as telling someone they can sit and wait on the back burner.  Um, no thanks.  A no reply = not interested. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 11-08-2013 - 4:04pm

I don't even take it personally any more.  I generally don't respond if someone has contacted me first & I'm not interested.  Rarely I will repond if there is something that makes it seem like it's not the guy I'm rejecting, like if someone from another state contacted me, I might say sorry, but I'm not interested in a long distance relationship.  I don't even know if that makes it better but at least I'm not rejecting the person.  But I wouldn't bother saying the "I think we're not a match" type stuff.  When someone doesn't respond I just understand they aren't interested, esp. when I've seen that they have viewed my profile.

At least this is the free site and I'm not paying for the constant rejection any more.  lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 9:18pm

yeah, I don't respond to someone to tell them I'm not interested either but I just got one that asked me to let him know. I also got two other ones with similar questions. I know rejection is difficult. I myself prefer the guy not to say anything if he's not interested although I haven't written to any guy for a long time.

I only tell the guy I'm not intested if I like him but there's a deal breaker thing on the profile. I got one recently from a pretty good candidate actually. His profile said doesn't have kids (great!) and don't want kids (deal-breaker). I know I'm at the age where it may not happen but I'd like to have a kid if it's possible.

So I wrote back "your profile is great but I'd like to have a kid if God's willing". Never heard back from him.

I got another one from a guy who wanted "an obama voting" woman. I wrote back I didn't vote for obama but I hope you will convert. No response back either.