Why can't some guys take the hint?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Why can't some guys take the hint?
13
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 10:33pm

OK, HERE'S why I hate sending "no thanks" emails. A guy that is WAY not my type sent an email on matchmaker. I sent a reply saying "thanks for the email but I think we are looking for different things." I didn't feel the need to elaborate, why should I point out the "flaws" and the specific reasons that he is not a good match for me (OBVIOUSLY one that did not read my profile very well). So he responds back with "Really? What are you looking for that I don't have?"

I didn't answer and blocked. Whatever. When you get the nice rejection letter, please just stop at that!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 1:46pm

Your mistake was in leaving an opening for him to discuss something- by saying "I THINK we are looking for different things" you leave an opening for him to simply change how you THINK.

Just stick with "we are not a match. Good luck."

That will reduce the number of people who want to discuss/argue about it quite a bit, IMO.

The other thing to do is to simply block 'em once you send the "thanks, no thanks" note. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 1:56pm
No matter what, some guys (or gals)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 2:02pm

True That Vex!

I have two that Keep popping back up; I have blocked them everywhere, but they get different email addresses and write again....I have actually Tried it in Two languages--neither worked. I think it might be best to ignore them completely, as they see Any contact from you as a postive sign, even if you say "Get Lost". Dumb as a box of rocks.I would be Too humiliated to write to someone who told me 'no thank you', wouldn't you?!

Best one yet, that I got from Match recently: "I recently wrote to you. I did not get a reply of any kind, and am interested in why I did not. Please give me your feedback. was it based on...", and he went on with a laundry list of looks,personality, his profile, photo, and all other variables! Man is either an Engineer or he is a glutton for punishment. "They called him 'Target', because everyone took a shot at him".

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 2:11pm

I agree; that happened to me more often then not when I was doing OLD. I tried to be nice; once a guy said the least you could do is let me know and when I said we’re not a match he demanded to know why – yes, they will even change email addresses when you block them – they can’t take not knowing why – I don’t and never will get that. I’m not going to be rude and say well, you look like my father or guys with a body covered with tattoos (I don’t mind one or maybe two (although I prefer none) but some dudes, good lord, you’d think their body was a canvas for Van Go, ha) and chain smoke aren’t going to be a good match for me. Then they’d really get mad! Most can’t handle the truth so why bother?

SP

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 3:09pm

I agree with everything out here! You're very right CGUN. I have a feeling he would have been one of those that would have been argumentative/questioning no matter what I said.

And NGOL, it SHOULD be enough no matter how it is worded to get the "thanks but no thanks". Why would someone want to suffer the humiliation of having someone LIST the reasons they don't even want to converse with you such as: you're not attractive, your older than I like, you don't drink, you are not looking for a serious relationship and your sense of humor annoys me? The fact that it has been said should be enough!

But leads me BACK to the original idea of THAT is the reason I don't send them to original winks/emails.

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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 4:21pm

I don't know... if someone really wants to know the reason, why not give it to 'em? My theory is don't ask if you don't want to know. Maybe they really could use some constructive criticism.

Which is not to say be mean about it. But I think there's no harm in stating a reason, like, "You seem very intent on having kids but I don't want any (more)" - "You look too much like my dad/brother/ex and it weirded me out" - "You seem like a good person, but I didn't feel a spark and I don't want to lead you on." Whatever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 4:29pm
It was more the way he worded it that bugged me. If he'd sent a "Hmm, that's strange. I think we have X, X and X in common. What makes you think we're looking for something different?" instead of "What are you looking for that I haven't got?". His reply is condescending and arrogant and personally not worthy of a response IMO.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 4:35pm
I agree, some people are going to argue... which is why you block 'em as soon as you say "thanks, no thanks". :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 4:39pm

>>And NGOL, it SHOULD be enough no matter how it is worded to get the "thanks but no thanks".<<

I agree, it should be enough. But remember- half of the population is below average in intelligence. :)

>>Why would someone want to suffer the humiliation of having someone LIST the reasons they don't even want to converse with you<<

Ahh, now you're talking human psychology. Why do some people wear a "kick me" sign? That's basically what we're talking about- this guy is just begging for someone to write back and say "well, you're uglier than a pile of dogcrap and you sound psychotic as well".

Why do people do that? Beats me. Why do people run red lights, or stay with someone who abuses/beats them, or watch reality TV? No, wait, I do that last one, pretend I didn't say that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 5:15pm

>>Which is not to say be mean about it. But I think there's no harm in stating a reason, like, "You seem very intent on having kids but I don't want any (more)" - "You look too much like my dad/brother/ex and it weirded me out" - "You seem like a good person, but I didn't feel a spark and I don't want to lead you on." Whatever.

The problem that this may create is the person could reply that they really don't want to have kids (or whatever the issue was) and then put you on the spot to go out with them. From what I hear discussed it really seems like some guys are overly persistent.

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