Why do guys...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Why do guys...
4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 4:29pm
Think it's OK to send you an email in the afternoon and suggest getting together that night? I had a guy (seems perfectly nice) who asked me if I wanted to get a drink tonight. Even if I didn't already have plans, I still hesitate accepting last minute invitations. It happens to be a busy week for me - activities every night through Saturday (probably another reason I shouldn't have posted an ad on CL - I got ahead of myself) when most weeks are not quite as busy, but even then, I still have to plan around my running schedule (training for a half marathon) and other things. That and I'm not a very spontaneous person who just says "yeah, sure, I'll meet a perfect stranger that I have exchanged one email with tonight for an alcoholic beverage..." Hmm.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: vexer_hw
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 4:40pm

Honestly, some of the best first meets I've had have been spontaneous and spur of the moment after only an email or two, so I don't think it's a bad thing, necessarily. And I'm a *total* planner type. It's fun to go against type sometimes though ;-).

If you can't go, you can't, but if you didn't have plans, then at least consider it next time. But if it's not in your comfort zone, it's not, and that's ok. Just let him know tonight doesn't work and maybe you can talk about getting together sometime next week. I wouldn't say there's something wrong with asking though.

I hear you on the getting ahead of yourself--I'm trying to work through the list of possibles from my latest CL ad and I sent one guy an email saying "I'm sorry, I'm just too busy right now--I thought I had time to do the dating thing but right now I don't, so I'll be in touch later, probably after the holidays". He's someone I'm only lukewarm interested in though--I'm not NOT interested, but I don't want to make time for him right now over other guys I'm more interested in, if that makes any sense ;-). And if he decides he's no longer interested because I'm putting him off, that's ok, I can live with that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: vexer_hw
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 4:53pm

You are right. I probably DO need to be more spontaneous sometimes and go against what I'd normally do. Makes things a little more interesting! But it's scary! ;-)

I just sent him an email saying that this week was really busy and asked him to give me a call on Saturday to see if it made sense to meet next week. We'll see.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 1:19am

I dont really see anything wrong with it - spontaneity is a good thing. BUT, if you are someone who really wants to get to know someone via eamil 1st, then thats fine.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 7:27am

One of my Craigs List guys suggested our first meet being me going for a ride on the back of his motorcycle. Oh, and this was his first email to me. I declined. Sometimes I do think I should be more spontaneous (and Sheri, that's interesting that some of your best first meets have been spontaneous) but the idea of getting on a motorcycle with a stranger was a bit much.

I think CL especially encourages spontaneous "dates". I often see ads posted by people looking for someone to hang out with that evening and I always wonder if they get any takers.