Why do I do this!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Why do I do this!!
5
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:37pm

I met this great guy through an online dating site. The first two dates he was all over me. We both were enjoying every min of it. He made sure to repeat that he shares the same values as the ones in my profile, same interests... I could tell he was really interested and kept saying he will delete his profile and he does not want to meet anymore people. The second date he came up to my place and we made out for about an hour and he told me he really wishes he can spend the whole night just chatting... but I had to sleep so he left.
On our third date, he was v. excited to meet me and he is always well groomed and smells great...
I was planning to have a fun evening but suddenly things looked more serious to me and I felt that I m falling for him and this is when I freaked out!
I m usually v. flirty and fun to be around when I m among friends but I got so distracted and nervous and did not feel like sayin one word!!! Not a single word!!!

Obviously he was turned off. Kept asking me if anything was wrong and insisted nothing was wrong. so he drops me off at my place with a very distant kiss on the cheeks. 2 days pas no calls/chats although we are both more than 8 hours on MSN.
yesterday I IMed him and we started chatting he was a bit cold and uninterested but as we spoke of different topics he got more and more interested and he suggested it is better if we chat on the phone so he calls me and we chat for about 40 min and then he tells me Hey what the hell was wrong with you on Wed!! I made up some execuse but really nothing was wrong with anything he said that night.. I just froze and felt so uncomfortable and wanted to just disappear. My guess is he is still interested and he would be asking me to meet him again. Now I m really worried I will do it again. I prefer if I can meet him with someone else but then it will look like I m interested in him as a friend!! I dont know why this whole thing happened. I m pretty and very fit also confident that people enjoy my company. I just freaked out when things looked a bit more serious than what I would expect myself to feel on a third date. So i m not sure what this means and whether I should not be seeing him anymore. I would rather find out the bottom line of it b4 dating anyone and ruining their night...
Anyone had this happen to them b4?
What a weirdo I m becoming!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:49pm

IMHO - Why would you get so physical so soon? That sounds like that is more of your issue than anything else. If you hadn't gotten so intimate with him, would you feel this freaked out?

I think anything more than a polite kiss or hug before a series of dates and discussion on the "relationship" is appropriate. If you are all over him on the first few dates, imagine what he thinks of you.... He probably thinks you do that with every other guy you date.

It's like another poster said, "you teach people how to treat you"....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:58pm
no he asked me b4 about the people I met and I told him the trth I met 8 people and not one made it to second date. And we had spent a lot of time together on the first and second date. About 4 - 5 hours each time and we spoke of our previous relationships and he was v. open about how hurt he was from his Ex... I was more discreet and said things did not work out for me and my Ex and we felt a great connection. The thing is I know he really likes me and I do like him a lot but I think I will freak him out with another fit of silence!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:47pm

Is this a pattern for you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 1:21am

thnx for your reply. It made me aware of another solution. I m not comfortable feeling so close to someone I just met. I ve been in long term relations so this is not an issue for me but I m more careful and I dont want to fall for the wrong person again and so fast.
I mean usually when I meet people I always keep a 50/50 chance in the back of my mind. But with this guy I really wanted so bad to move to the next stage but I m aware it is wrong and I may regret it.
I m thinking of introducing him to my friends so he can join us when we go out as a Friend of mine and see where it goes from there.
Not sure how his reaction will be as introducing him to my friends may sound like moving him to the BF status which is the opposite of what I want.

I will see how it goes and I really hope I can be myself around him!!

J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 8:37am

I say be honest with him.

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