Why do they Just Have To....?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Why do they Just Have To....?
9
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 7:44pm

Hi Everyone,

Well, a man winked at me and he seems to have quite a few 'oars in the water' per the kind of man I am looking to date. Replied to his wink with a quick email. He wrote me back within about 5 hours;a long, nice reply,UNTIL....cue 'Jaws' music Again (horrors!)...here it came...like the anvil dropping on Wylie Coyote with that whistling noise...closer, closer..."I joined just so I could reply to you, there is a compliment in there for you!"

Oh, No, He Din't!!!!!!????/

Awwww...man, why did he just Have to drop one of what we KNOW to be one of those "keys to OLD" I have talked about?! A Sure Thang that spells...P-l-a-y-a-h.

Shoot, and I was Sooooooo close to a decent date! NOW what do I do?

Truly (snif...),
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 7:58pm

Hi Cupcake,

I actually came back to Match one time because of an email and wink that I had received from a very interesting guy - although I didn't tell him that I had rejoined because of him! We had 3 meets, and they definitely were NOT dates as he always wanted to meet at a bar for happy hour after work, just to drink and chat. He did get the tab every time though... but it was mainly his alcohol!

So I mentioned in an email to him after our third meet that we should have a "Date" date like dinner or something - and - you are guessing it I am sure - yes he ghosted! But I didn't like how much he drank (and I am a social drinker), so I think that I actually knew that when I emailed him with that suggestion that that would be the end of things. I had expected it! It makes me laugh now!

Is there the remotest possibility that your guy could be sincere in what he said? It's the "look on the bright side" of my personality trying to sneak out!!!

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 8:11pm

I did that. I paid to respond to someone I thought would be a good fit for me (hardly ever happens) and I told him so. POOF! Ghosted. Just like you're about to do. LG told me the minute you pay is the minute they ghost so apparently it's tried and true.

I was honest and it bit me in the butt. Won't do that again.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 8:38pm

Hi Y'all,

I do want to continue to be positive about this, and I have not seen his profile here before. I have seen his face as he is a successful insurance man locally, though. Hmmmm....so, it Is possible that he paid to get to chat with me..he said the email address I put on my note back to him was stripped--is that what you are talking about LG, when you say that happens? If they are not paid members, they cannot fully benefit? Please advise.

Being the Cupcake, I am gonna be the hard=headed little brat I Always am, and give him the bene of the doubt and write back....as we say, it will be Interesting, if nada else!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 8:48pm

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for your reply too. Is it just SO sad that we are learning Not to be honest ,at times, on OLD? And I spend SO much time teaching my teen sons HOW important honesty IS!

But...true that..when it comes to OLD, you have to temper it to the situation at hand. Never can you say "I am not dating anyone right now", or "I really want just ONE good man to act like his brains are NOT So few that they are lonely and rolling around in there, like a BB in a boxcar".

Too honest? yep!

TY for to everyone who responds, it is a great help!

truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 8:53pm

Match has stripped address@email.com but left addressatemaildotcom -- we tested this before with a few non members. However Match is always changing and what worked today may not work tomorrow.

I am starting to think of OLD in terms of cost per meeting. If I pay $20 for a month and meet two people - -then that's $10/each. Must cheaper than real world dating services.

I wouldn't necessarily ding the guy for the "I signed up for you" -- I'd just ignore it and see if his words and actions stand on their own. It's entirely possible that he did sign up because many people hover on the dating sites not paying until they see someone they want to contact.

Never sign up just to contact one person though. That's a sure guarantee that they'll disappear...

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 9:30pm
I wouldn't necessarily take it as a sign of a player... maybe just new to OLD. Maybe he was lurking and didn't want to pay until he found someone worth contacting, as some of us have done. Often it bites us in the arse... but don't just bite him in the arse for being honest! Or maybe he's fibbing but you can take it as a compliment anyway. Either way, he recognized that you are Da Bomb and wants to get some contact going, I say go for it. You know enough about watching for red flags, your gut will let you know if he turns out to NOT be the "one". I'd give it a shot & see if anything comes of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 8:51am
That happened to me in November. I got that same email "I just had to sign up to meet you", blah blah blah. We had some very nice phone conversations, met for lunch after a week and then...poof. Never heard from him again. Well, he did meet me, so he got his moneys worth!!! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 9:01am

I had that happen to me TWICE! Still haven't met the second dude due to conflicting schedules.

Here's my take on it. If the person TRULY DID join because of me, which I assume to be true, then I back off for about a week, or at least a few days, because we all know what happens when someone first joins, right! SAY IT WITH ME!!!

K.I.S.S.

Kid in store syndrome.

Wait for it to wear off. Then see if there's potential.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 10:49am

That is not always a correct assumption. I've been OLDing for over 4 years now. I like to think I've figured out when it's worth it to pay the money....but I learn something new all the time....lol.

Probably the best thing is not to ever say that in the first place. But people do and learn not to.

Lisa