Why get married?
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Why get married?
| Thu, 03-31-2005 - 6:20pm |
iteach brought this up in another thread. It seems like it could generate some interesting discussions so I though it deserved its own thread.
If you are online to potentially meet a marriage partner, why is it you want to get married?
What are the pros and cons of getting married or staying single but in a long term relationship?

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"If you are online to potentially meet a marriage partner, why is it you want to get married?" I am not on-line directly seeking this as I am just completing the termination of my 9 year marriage - we split up after 7 years together and finally am filing the final papers next month (finally got the money - yay!!). I am not so jaded though that I am not open to the possiblity and maybe someday if I meet the right person I might get remarried (boy I ramble sometimes).
"What are the pros and cons of getting married or staying single but in a long term relationship?"
Pros: (1) Companionship on many levels - friendship, love, sex (2) a life partner to share everything with who you can support during their ups and downs and who can help you through yours (3) someone who can augment your life with their theirs and who life you can also augment (4) children (if you want them - I have two and I treasure them more than anything in the world) (5)someone to grow old with
Cons: (1) Giving up a sense of freedom only single life can offer (2) having to put such total faith in another person and hope that they won't betray that faith (hey, I'm been burned by infidently)
If you stay in a long term relationship but do not marry it is far easier (financially, legally, etc.) to walk should things go south; however, being married is more of an incentive to try to work out problems or differences that may come up.
That's my 2 cents worth I guess,
mom of 2
Hi Mo2,
I feel you have pretty much covered all of the ideas I have about marriage, as well.:) As for my 2 cents worth, it is based on my being 48 years 'young'.
I do not NEED to get married, so if I do, it will be with a man who truly is my ally/lover/friend. I am lucky to have 2 teen sons I adore (and do not want more kids), 2 jobs I love, great friends, and all I need as far as possessions go. It would be nice to share my life with a great person, as soon, my boys will be off to pursue life on their own, and I am thrilled they will have that chance to soar.
I also have something else on my side in this decision: Time. IF I find someone, and currently Tall Man is doing Wonderfully,then I will surely take it slow and walk to the decision with my eyes wide open. I have the luxury, too, of having quite a laundry list of desires where that man is concerned and like You,Fidelity is at the Top of the page!! You can get to trust again, it takes time and the right person. But, DO trust your intuition.
Marriage gives you a solid base to build on, so it is favored over just living together, to me...but Only if the two of you are willing to work at it and respect each other.
Amen.
Truly,
Cupcake
I'm definately NOT online to get married! I'm not opposed to marriage... but it's hard to imagine wanting that, again. It had lots of con's, few pro's.
*******PRO's to being married:
always a buddy around to do things with--even if it's just to yell, "honey, come watch this!" when something interesting shows-up on TV.
someone right on hand to run for cough syrup or cold medicine when you feel like death.
Someone on hand to help with four-handed operations (like easy-to-assemble projects)
frequent sex.
better car insurance rates.
much easier to send geek stalkers on their way when you wear a wedding ring.
you get to do the dress-up in white, have a party, get presents, go on a honeymoon thing.
*********PRO's to staying single while in a long-term relationship (not living together):
always have your own space to sink into
no frickin' in-laws!!
don't have to: share bedcovers, compromise on TV/movie choices, endure his family on a regular basis, have him underfoot when you feel ill.
you aren't expected to do his laundry, shopping, cooking and cleaning.
able to participate in both couple's activities, and singles stuff (girls' nite out)
no worries about combining finances, credit or property
you're not expected to handle his "thank you" notes, or buy presents for his family for him.
when he cheats on you, you don't have to move-out
if you break-up, it's cost-free
no frickin' in-laws!!
it always seems like something special to get together, as opposed to like "everyday lovers"
your home still says "you"
when he wants to have his buddies over for The Game... you don't have to endure them or leave.
The toilet seat is down.
always enough hot water
the last piece of pie will still be there when you get home.
When one of you is in a bad mood, grumpy, smelly, whatever... you don't have to LIVE with it.
If you live a fair distance (across town) apart, you have somewhere else to go when the power's out, pipe's busted, etc.
no frickin' in-laws!!
Oh, yeah... when you're NOT married... there's no frickin' in-laws!!!
Barb
honestly, i don't believe in marriage anymore because of the divorce rate. i refuse to get married if I dont feel 110% certain I will love the person thru thick and thin. Meaning I wont divorce the guy if I hit a tough period in the marriage.
i just want to find a darn boyfriend I can stand more than two months ;) seems thats the time I usually end my dating senarios.
If you have ever been involved in a loving marriage before (regardless of how short or long) then you would never pose the question.
Love ya Barb...Thanks for making me smile. My biggest worry about getting married is gaining their bills. Always thought it would be nice to split the mortgage, etc., then I started thinking about "what happens if he comes with bills or racks them up after marriage?"
I take it your biggest worry would be...the in-laws!
I have thought about the benefits including the lower insurance rates, as well as, being able to walk away with $500,000 without paying taxes after the sale of property. I guess my biggest pro would be being able to wake up next to someone every morning...but then it just might be more difficult to get to work.
If you are online to potentially meet a marriage partner, why is it you want to get married?
All in the name of love, ha!
small peanut...
I know the healthcare issue worries some. But, all that has to be done is a little forethought!
Anyone can make anyone else a healthcare power of attorney (which can be made so it's active only if the person cannot make their own decisions), or even simply give them rights to healthcare information. It's a pretty simple legal document. (I'm a nurse... I see it all the time). Gay and lesbian couples do this, frequently, since most of the world doesn't recognize their unions (which I think is ridiculous).
Most things that occur legally with marriage can occur legally without it, too. Wills, life insurance, healthcare, co-property ownership, financial power of attorney, etc. I would never suggest someone marry simply for paperwork reasons. About the only thing that doesn't transfer over without marriage is health insurance from an employer... I guess some states will in a common-law marriage, but not all recognize that.
Barb
I agree with what you say. I know it seems that way by my posts, but I'm really NOT against marriage. I'm just in such a post-divorce, living single honeymoon phase that I can't imagine wanting to marry again! I had a bad experience, is all.
"And I can tell you that if someone is moving his crap in and expecting me to pick his dirty socks up off the floor, he darn well better be putting a ring on my finger." I TOTALLY agree! Although, if he possesses an expectation of my picking his socks up... he's never going to live with me! I don't expect him to pick my panties up off the floor, after all! ;-).
Barb
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