Why I hate talking on IM!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Why I hate talking on IM!
3
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 10:32pm

I rarely talk on IM to guys from the online sites, but this afternoon I decided to when a guy IM'd me that seemed interesting and now I remember why I quit doing that!

We talked a bit and he didn't have a pic and said he could send one, so he did. Well he was way older and didn't appeal to me. So then I had the dilemma of how to get rid of him gracefully without being rude! Yep, that's why I quit talking on IM to people who IM me, now I remember!

Has anyone had this happen and how did you handle it? I couldn't be honest and hurt his feelings. I gave an excuse that I had a call I had to take.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 11:39pm

HI SS,

Yeppers, it happened to me a few times, when I was on OLD. Simply choose your poison and write him a quick im that says that you prefer to date men that are what he might Not be, ie, "6 feet tall and above", "lacking the social skills God gave a duck", "fluent in ancient Arabic". Just lol, but I do mean that you should pick something he obviously is Not, and not being critical, just having your preferences, as we have the right to Do. I used the height thing. Write it and then throw up the cloaking device(block) and move on.

I did not feel this was rude, as we all have our 'laundry lists' of what we are looking for, and it was kind, and to the point. You are not saying "you are not"...tall/handsome/a Cubs fan; you are just saying that is what You like in a mate. Do it soon, as that is only fair, so he can move on, and you will too. "Stringing along" is for Christmas lights.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 2:57pm

Hi Cupcake,

Yeah stating the height thing could work, but then I'd hate for him to feel discouraged about his height. I guess I have too many feelings sometimes and still need to toughen up some for OLD! But I don't want to become rough either.

But my coffee meet last night went really well and we did talk on IM later after that. Now if I've met the guy face to face and there is interest between us, then I don't mind talking on IM with him. But the funny thing is that this guy IM'd me first and I usually don't answer those, but he said something that caught my attention, so I started talking to him. We laughed about that last night that I usually don't answer the IM's on Yahoo. So I guess it worked out well this time! We'll see....

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 4:07pm
SS, it is not your problem to worry about this guy and him getting discouraged b/c of anything. I know you are just being thoughtful and nice, but you don't know this guy from any other schmo on the street. So while you do owe him common courtesy, don't be too worried about his self-esteem. That is his thing to worry about.

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