Why I'm quitting for a while....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Why I'm quitting for a while....
31
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 8:14pm

Sorry I have not been around the board much lately. I am going to hide my profile and take a break from everything to do with dating for a while.

Today at lunch I had a coffee date that was not online but actually just a blind date that a friend set up for me. It's a girl my friend works with. We met and seemed to have a nice conversation, and I thought it went pretty well. Tonight I get home and I have an email saying she "really likes my personality but I am not her type as far as looks go". Wow -- at least she was honest, huh?

I am so down on myself now I am considering seeing someone professionally to talk to this about. Maybe that would help.

I am just so tired of it all right now. I have seen two of my coworkers get divored and find a great girl only months after. They are both in serious relationships now.

I will try to visit the board more often. You guys are great company and always make me laugh. I will also try to make chat tonight.

Eric

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 12:55pm

I think a dose of LP and PM is just what you need. Will you please consider that? I promise you'll feel better and you won't get an ego boost just from us.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 12:56pm

The best self-medication for any type of depression is exercise. Get into the gym and after a week of 30 minutes per day you'll be very surprised at the results. The more you can change your focus off the equipment and onto doing something else like listening to books, music or watching TV - the faster your time will go and the easier it will be to stick with it.


And the best side effect is you lose weight and are healthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 1:03pm
>>I think a dose of LP and PM is just what you need. Will you please consider that? I promise you'll feel better and you won't get an ego boost just from us.

Would there be a video subsequently available of that and how much? I only have DVD so that format would be preferred.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 1:12pm

Just had to chime in, Eric, even if I am a little late...
I've posted before that I think you're a great guy and like amjay I can't understand why you haven't been snapped up. I'm totally convinced it's not you; it seems to be the limited availability of single women in your area. Taking a break is a great idea, as is getting counseling. I'm with CGUN that your date really didn't have to add "looks-wise". That's just mean; I would never say that to someone, esp. since I know if someone said that to me, it would bring up every looks-related insecurity from my past.

You are much too good for the likes of her, and I'm not a violent person, but I'd really like to slap her for saying that to you.
Maybe I should be the one in counseling, or at least anger-management classes :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 2:16pm

I love how I feel after four hours of dancing.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 3:13pm

<>

I'm with you on that!!

Only a very small minded person would do something like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 5:39pm

Eric...

Dude. Do you like every chick you see? If you like girls with some meat on their bones, then do the skinny ones turn you on? Or if you prefer blondes, do you reject redheads?

Way I figure, you can look at this gal's email two ways. You can get bummed because you think she's saying you're ugly (which, BTW, you're not- if you were in my city you'd be scoring plenty of dates, because you're better looking than I am and I manage somehow) or you can figure you're on the right track, because she liked your personality.

Me, I'd take the second way, if I were you. :)

I'll tell you something else. As long as you depend on others for your own happiness, you're going to be disappointed. Even the people that make you happy eventually go away- they move, or die, or change. So then where are you left? Unhappy, that's where.

(Don't get me wrong- getting out of that pattern is a real tough thing to do. It takes a lot of work to undo the thinking of decades, but it can be done. Been there, working on that.)

Definitely hit a shrink type. Don't be afraid to try a couple until you find someone you're comfy with. I went to three before (on the third one) I found a guy I felt at ease with. Did the counseling thing for a while, go back for occasional tune-ups and oil changes.

It's a guy thing to be all tough, stick it out. Well, that's crap, and we're just like anyone else. So don't be ashamed to go. If your liver wasn't functioning right and was making you feel sick and unable to do things you wanted to do, you'd willingly go to a liver specialist; same thing for mental health.

I know that tired, aching-in-the-soul feeling. It completely and totally stinks. But there IS a little light at the end of the tunnel, and no, it's not a train steaming at you.

If you have a religion or spiritual mode of thought, get that sorted out, too. In fact, many ministers and priests have "book" training on counseling and can help you from a mental health professional standpoint in addition to keeping your spiritual thoughts straight.

There's lots of women here who would happily chuck looks for a good guy like you. Is that small consolation? Probably, but it beats nothing, doesn't it? :)

Hang in there, man!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 10:29pm

Eric, both men and women go through a dating slump; the hills and valleys are just a natural part of the deal. You know that.

As far as the blind date goes, I read your post stating you thought it went well... but did you think (while you were sitting there talking to her and when you were driving home) that it went so well that you couldn't wait to ask her out? I bet not. I bet she just beat you to the No Thanks email. You're just bummed that... again... you didn't meet someone that bowled you over... and her feel the same way.

I wouldn't compare yourself to your coworkers apparent dating 'success' after their recent divorces. These guys always get a Transitional Babe. It'll wear off for them when they come off their emotional high... or low.

Keep your chin up, your emotions low... and hit'em hard.

: )

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 12:42pm

There's always room for one more, lg.

LMAO

(BTW, I have NO idea what offer LP made to eric. I suspect it was an invite to my birthday, and if that's the case, I really hope he gets his rear on a plane!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 12:56pm

That is the deal indeed! I thought we opened it up to the whole board, too. It's the night of March 12th in Harrisburg, PA. PM is celebrating a milestone and it needs to be super special. It would be extra-special if Eric would put his butt on a plane and join us - no way would he feel depressed around us. Plus what a great birthday present - anyone else is welcome to join us!

Lisa