Why is it so hard?!?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Why is it so hard?!?!?
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 2:30am
Ok, there has to be something that I am either missing or doing wrong.


Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 6:56am

First off, I think it's harder for men on dating sites in that there are a lot more men than women on the sites.

Unfortunately, many women view "winks" as lazy and will not respond. Women, including myself, want to know that a man has read her profile and not just looked at her photo and hit "wink." You don't have to write a long email (in fact, don't). Just let her know what you found interesting about her and that you'd like to get to know her better. Once she responds, email a few times then ask to meet.

You could look at the old posts of this message board and find a wealth of information...find out what women like and don't like. It's all here. And, I've seen many online dating books geared towards men on Amazon. You might want to read a few of those.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 12:29pm

You might look at a OLD site called OKCupid. It's a free site and has many commendable features. At the top of the page is a section called "Treasures". The folks who run this site are very interested in statistical analysis (sometimes I wonder if they run the site to gather large amounts of data) and they publish some of their findings in this area (specifically what works and what doesn't work).

Regarding what you've written here, next time you post you might actually want to avail yourself of the spell check feature. Words like "shere" and "grammer" don't exist. Your use of "tee" doesn't help either. I'm not trying to be unkind here, but blowing it with the simple stuff (like spelling) doesn't put you in the best light. When you read a profile that is loaded with simple errors, what do you think of the writer? First impressions mean a great deal and you're just diminishing your message by neglecting the fundamentals.

As you've mentioned, you're not the best writer (nor are you a terrible writer). Do you have a close friend (maybe a female for the perspective) that could proof read your profile and possibly your emails before you send them? Another thought would be to write your profile and emails in something like MS Word so you can take advantage of the grammar checking tools.

When I receive a wink (I am a man FYI) I just think that the sender is being lazy or lacks the imagination or self-confidence to send a simple email. I find that so off-putting that I've placed a line at the end of my profile that indicates that I won't respond to winks. Yet, the winks still come occasionally and I just delete them. If you're trying to send a message to someone that you're interested, SEND A MESSAGE, not a wink. Compliment something that you find interesting in her profile (I wouldn't suggest complimenting her on the hot pictures in her profile). It doesn't have to be long, just nice.

OLD is difficult and it requires a thick skin. That said, until you can come up with a better alternative just keep those fingers tapping across your keyboard.

Good luck

Edited 2/7/2010 12:31 pm ET by njmx3
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 2:46pm

Thanks for your responses guys and gals.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 9:11pm

In addition to what the others say remember there is usually 3 to 6 times as many men as women. Your picture should not have anything or one but you (except as background or a conversation piece). A face and a full body work well.
Writing about your hobbies (if Germaine, not your model railroad)
Your work if it is high status is to be hinted at. And do go out with friends especially women friends and BE SEEN at various social places around town.

Get a look at your wardrobe. You may work in old jeans or slacks but unless you have a very good idea of fashion there is the chance that may be off putting.

Hornycomments.com for myspace adult comments
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 2:59pm

With OLD, I look at it as a means to actually meet the person in order to determine the compatibility and the mutual desire for a second date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 12:38am

Thank you guys so much for your advice, nothing has worked yet but its only been a week so not enough time to tell.

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 8:57am

I find that

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 12:25pm

I don't respond to winks because I think they are lazy.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:53pm
If you want good photos, go onto craigslist and find a photographer wanting to build up their portfolio and willing to do pics for you for free. There are usually many on there. I did this several years ago, and even thought the guy was just a student the pics came out gorgeous. Not like fake, posed, glamour shots, but real, candid and they actually looked like me. I've actually picked up a bit of photography since then and done photos for a few of my friends' profiles and they turned out great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 1:38pm

Wow, I am sorry did I do something to you in a past life that I am unaware of as you seem to be coming at me with some nasty tones.