why is it so hard?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
why is it so hard?
1
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 6:31pm

when I meet a guy, I either think he is SOOOOOOO good looking or I say "he's cute."  Did anyoone ever see that Seinfeld episode where Elaine meets this guy (at the diner?) who was in an electronics Whiz store commercial where at the end of the commercial the camera zooms in to his face and then with computer graphics his eyes sparkle when he smiles? (or something like that)...  whenever I meet a guy who just really turns me on, he makes my stomach do flip flops just by looking at him or I imagine his eyes sparking when I talk to him.......

So with this in mind:  whenever I end a relationship with a guy or he ends it with me first, and it's the one who I said was SOOOOO good looking, I find it's always twice as hard to move on.....  I don't know why......  it's just hard sometimes, ugh....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 12:21pm

I think i know why although solving the problem is a different issue.

To you good looks must be in the top 3 attributes in a partner. When you meet someone with that matches so well with your top 'requirements' you quickly become infatuated, from there, attribute other qualities to the person and build up a beatiful fantasy-image of the person and fall in love with it. Once you're in love, it's hard to get detached. I know, I've made the same mistake. Many years ago, I met a tall, dark, handsome, and smart man. When our eyes first met, he smiled, and like in the Etta James Song At last 'you smile, and then the spell was cast'. Then we began a professional but emotionally intimate R/S. Alas it wasn't love on his part. It took me a long time to get over him. Yes, it's addicting to feel fluttery all over and often time you want that feeling so much you build this person up to be someone that you're in love with ignoring all his flaws. And it's these glaring flaws that make them bad partners. That's why the R/S doesn't work.

I'm still guilty of this bad habit. The person with whom you can have a real R/S with is not the hottest looking guy with Einstein's brains. It's the guy who's 'enough', smart enough, attractive enough. Most important of all, cherishes, values, and treats you like the most treasured God's creation in the world.

Whenever you find yourself too discouraged to move on. Write down all the reasons why this guy is not a good partner. It helps.