Why is it so hard?!?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Why is it so hard?!?!?
27
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 2:30am
Ok, there has to be something that I am either missing or doing wrong.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:29am

Oh, yeah, DON'T use winks or quick contacts. Generic is bad! I would assume you are lazy, shy, lack confidence, etc.

When you find a profile that catches your eye, write her a brief email stating WHY it caught your eye. Maybe a comment about something you think you have in common. Then ask her to contact you if your profile interests her. Simple as that. You have to start out on a personal level.

To me, getting a wink is like standing in line at the deli...

Susie

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 1:58am

Thank you guys for your responses.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 8:03am

Sounds to me like you are doing everything right. Your numbers sound about right to me. Men and women can be doing everything "right" but it can still take time for your path to cross with someone special. I agree that OLD sucks more for men because there are more men than women online. But believe me, it's no picnic for women either.

The photos are very important, and not always for reasons you may think. I'm in my 50s, and am uninspired by men my age who look like my grandfather, big gut, out of style clothes/hair/glasses, or way too conservative. I'm sure they're nice men but they're not for me. I'm not looking for the best-looking man, nor a man who is ripped. I keep my looks up and am reasonably fit, so I expect the same, that's all. But it's more than that of course. His profile needs to be interesting to me, and a particularly engaging email earns huge points. But it all comes together in a certain je ne sais quoi...and naturally, until you meet, you can't gauge the complete picture. But I've been on enough dud meets that I'm more selective about who I will meet. It just exhausts me and it's awkward when it doesn't work out.

The other thing to consider is that a woman may be kinda of burned out on the whole OLD thing when she gets your email and just isn't feeling in spired to meet anyone at the moment. (She probably should just take her profile down for a while). But, don't take these "rejections" personally. I know it's hard not to, but it all becomes much easier when you don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2010
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 12:35pm
I am on Match and I wouldn't mind taking a look at your profile for possible improvements.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 12:20am
My handle on Match is seattleman76.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 9:17am

your first photo has three men. Which one are you? You might want to crop it.

Your second photo is not at all flattering due to the light. get rid of it ASAP!

Third photo is okay. You look friendly and relaxed.

Your profile itself is fine. IMHO your ethnicity is going to limit your responses. Nothing personal. I was just reading an article in Time about how online daters respond to various ethnic groups.

Consider adding a few pictures that contribute to an image of you as an Asian American instead of just an Asian.

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 5:06pm

My experience with OLD is 10:1 where it takes 10 emails to get 1 response.

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