I''m not going to allow you to twist my words around to fit your needs.
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Where did I ever say that I did not want uplifting posts? In fact, I stated that I did appreciate them because it gave me a shred of hope that things CAN work. What I am saying, is that we have to take the good WITH the bad. Uplifiting WITH the problem posts. Please read my posts before putting words in my mouth I never said.
I've said my piece. I am only saying this for the others on this board lest they think I can't defend myself.
I can definitely see your point, but I ask you to keep something in mind... When people come to this board, most come become because they're having a problem. The same thing goes on with the other boards in iVillage. The OLD board tends to be a closer community because there's a core group that's always around. I also think that people in general tend to want to help (hence give advice on the bad situations) rather than cheering the good ones... This happens in regular day life as well. Don't we all focus on changing the bad and not patting ourselves on the back for the good?
Just my 2 cents. I wish my keyboard had a cents sign! Argh.
That was actually one of the reasons I stopped contributing to this board a while back. I've been more of a lurker ever since.
Though I consider myself an open minded, good humored sort who just happens to enjoy gleaning wisdom from others, it was pretty off putting when, on the few occasions I did share a tidbit of my life, a few of the 'all too knowing' posters jumped on my back.
There really are times when all a person really needs is a little "Hey, I understand what you're saying" and "Boy, that must suck". Instead, getting skewered by a few of the folks here (and repeatedly within the same post- mind you) really turned me off to posting about pretty much anything at all.
Oddly enough, these same folks seemed rather keen on the antics of my ex-boyfriend, also a board regular. Yet, and oddly enough, his posts were rarely flambeed. Double standard?
Way I see it, we're just human beings finding our way. We're not perfect. Most of us know that. We make mistakes, some worse than others...but hopefully, we learn from them. I realize everyone has as different approach to giving advice, but there truly are times when a gentle hand gets the point across more effectively than a slap on the back.
As for the people who could benefit from the smack down approach- they very likely aren't listening anyway, so why waste the effort. LOL
I realize everyone has a preferred method of giving feedback- this is just mine.
Whenever possbile, I've tried to put myself in the other person's shoes (no matter how impossible). But isn't it easy to tell someone else what they're doing wrong with their life, or how stupid they are. When the person isn't YOU, that is. A little compassion every now goes a long way.
Just remember it could be you on the other end of the whip.
For what it is worth.....Something that I have noticed that in the last couple of weeks the number of posts per day have decreased. But on days that we have a "controversial" post or one that people are extremely negative about then we have a flurry of activity. So I would think that means there are a few of us who check the board regularly but don't contribute unless we have strong feelings one way or another or its a hot topic.
so maybe all of us should make it a goal to contribute or start one thread a week.
I know I visit the board because of the wealth of information and life experience....(eeww that sounded like a bad lifetime channel moment!) and it is interesting to hear different points of view. I may not always agree but that's the fun of an on-line community.....
Kae, whether you like it or not, the majority of the posters on OLD aren't going to find much good to say about a boyfriend who has just been arrested for assault.
If you want to date this guy, go ahead. Nobody is going to stop you. You were the one that came here for help, we gave you all the help we could. Yet, here you are complaining that we aren't sunny enough to find something good about your man.
I've posted questions on this board and a few other boards on ivillage. Quite often I haven't really liked the answers I've received but I do know that the consensus opinion on ivillage is usually the right opinion, and the advice has always been completely on the money. The posters here have already been through a number of dating situations and speak from experience.
If you want to continue seeing and loving your physically abusive boyfriend, you go right ahead. I think there is a board on ivillage for abuse victims so you will have someplace to go once this man inevitably turns on you.
thanks for your feedback- I have reported your post as a personal attack. That was uncalled for and very rude. I hope that your obvious show if insensitivity gives other posters a glimpse into who you really are.
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I''m not going to allow you to twist my words around to fit your needs.
<>
Where did I ever say that I did not want uplifting posts? In fact, I stated that I did appreciate them because it gave me a shred of hope that things CAN work. What I am saying, is that we have to take the good WITH the bad. Uplifiting WITH the problem posts. Please read my posts before putting words in my mouth I never said.
I've said my piece. I am only saying this for the others on this board lest they think I can't defend myself.
sorry wrong post
Edited 1/31/2006 8:51 pm ET by emdeesea
Edited 1/31/2006 8:51 pm ET by emdeesea
I can definitely see your point, but I ask you to keep something in mind... When people come to this board, most come become because they're having a problem. The same thing goes on with the other boards in iVillage. The OLD board tends to be a closer community because there's a core group that's always around. I also think that people in general tend to want to help (hence give advice on the bad situations) rather than cheering the good ones... This happens in regular day life as well. Don't we all focus on changing the bad and not patting ourselves on the back for the good?
Just my 2 cents. I wish my keyboard had a cents sign! Argh.
That was actually one of the reasons I stopped contributing to this board a while back. I've been more of a lurker ever since.
Though I consider myself an open minded, good humored sort who just happens to enjoy gleaning wisdom from others, it was pretty off putting when, on the few occasions I did share a tidbit of my life, a few of the 'all too knowing' posters jumped on my back.
There really are times when all a person really needs is a little "Hey, I understand what you're saying" and "Boy, that must suck". Instead, getting skewered by a few of the folks here (and repeatedly within the same post- mind you) really turned me off to posting about pretty much anything at all.
Oddly enough, these same folks seemed rather keen on the antics of my ex-boyfriend, also a board regular. Yet, and oddly enough, his posts were rarely flambeed. Double standard?
Way I see it, we're just human beings finding our way. We're not perfect. Most of us know that. We make mistakes, some worse than others...but hopefully, we learn from them. I realize everyone has as different approach to giving advice, but there truly are times when a gentle hand gets the point across more effectively than a slap on the back.
As for the people who could benefit from the smack down approach- they very likely aren't listening anyway, so why waste the effort. LOL
I realize everyone has a preferred method of giving feedback- this is just mine.
Whenever possbile, I've tried to put myself in the other person's shoes (no matter how impossible). But isn't it easy to tell someone else what they're doing wrong with their life, or how stupid they are. When the person isn't YOU, that is. A little compassion every now goes a long way.
Just remember it could be you on the other end of the whip.
Who's your ex? I can't think of any men who are currently "board regulars" so I'm really curious ;-)!
Sheri
For what it is worth.....Something that I have noticed that in the last couple of weeks the number of posts per day have decreased. But on days that we have a "controversial" post or one that people are extremely negative about then we have a flurry of activity. So I would think that means there are a few of us who check the board regularly but don't contribute unless we have strong feelings one way or another or its a hot topic.
so maybe all of us should make it a goal to contribute or start one thread a week.
I know I visit the board because of the wealth of information and life experience....(eeww that sounded like a bad lifetime channel moment!) and it is interesting to hear different points of view. I may not always agree but that's the fun of an on-line community.....
Be happy to tell you in private, Sheri.
And thanks for the help you've offered me in the past. I've very much appreciated it! :)
Kae, whether you like it or not, the majority of the posters on OLD aren't going to find much good to say about a boyfriend who has just been arrested for assault.
If you want to date this guy, go ahead. Nobody is going to stop you. You were the one that came here for help, we gave you all the help we could. Yet, here you are complaining that we aren't sunny enough to find something good about your man.
I've posted questions on this board and a few other boards on ivillage. Quite often I haven't really liked the answers I've received but I do know that the consensus opinion on ivillage is usually the right opinion, and the advice has always been completely on the money. The posters here have already been through a number of dating situations and speak from experience.
If you want to continue seeing and loving your physically abusive boyfriend, you go right ahead. I think there is a board on ivillage for abuse victims so you will have someplace to go once this man inevitably turns on you.
Pages