Well, if I remember right, we had this discussion with this same person a while back when she didn't like the "negative" feedback she got about another issue. At that time, we said that it would be a good idea that if anyone prefers NOT to get feedback and comments on a post but is looking more for support, that they state that clearly by saying something like "Hey guys, I'm giving an update here and I would appreciate it if no one would offer advice. I've decided how to handle this and I'm moving on." Or if you are coming out to share a success story, say something like "Hey, I wanted to share my good news with everyone! Please keep any negative comments to yourself as I'm happy with where things are!"
Sorry, but this is an ADVICE board. You're going to get advice good and bad, positive and negative. Unfortunately, we see only a little bit of the whole picture which is the info we are given from the poster her/himself. We can only react to what we hear and if someone is posting that her boyfriend was thrown in jail for assault but she is choosing to stand by him no matter what, some people WILL be alarmed. As for me, I don't sugarcoat responses and am a straight-shooter. Should I gloss over what I SEE to be alarming details because the person might not agree with me? Why bother of gettng different points of view?
Anyway, this is not targeted to you or anyone in particular, I just don't have the premium membership so I can't reply all. ;-) But I say go back to that - if you don't want comments and only want cheerleading, say so.
I also noticed that some posters don't come and give advice to others they only come to post their problem/or good news. Any other time they aren't found here contributing advice to the community as a whole but only pop in when they need help for themselves. So should we shun them?
I think if you don't like the advisor, put them on ignore, it's much easier than posting that you don't like the advice you've received.
I agree Sally. We all come to this board for a variety of reasons, but we are all dealing, in one way or another, with probably the most volatile part of our lives: romantic relationships. Not just that but budding relationships. The part where we're at our most vulnerable and really need an outside opinion from an objective source...someone who can comment on the situation with out a personal stake in us or the problem.
I find this board extremely valuable because of it's diversity and honesty. This is a part of our lives where the bluntness has far more value than coddling. If I'm obliviously walking toward the edge of a cliff, I'd be grateful to the person who snatched me back and said "Wake up!"...even if he/she dislocated my shoulder in the process;-)
To the OP: I respectfully disagree. What you call negativity, I call constructive criticism. Nobody bashed you. Nobody knows you. Your SITUATION raised some huge alarm bells. You originally posted about his behavior irritating you because he blew you off. When people responded with "Red Flag...beware", that was negative to you? I don't get it. Then it's revealed that he was jailed for a domestic dispute? You honestly couldn't have expected "Kudo's for standing by your man" coming from from everyone...did you? I still don't get what you're looking for here.
Oh..and to sisfox: that trainer sounds a lot like one of my grad school professors. INVALUABLE!
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Well, if I remember right, we had this discussion with this same person a while back when she didn't like the "negative" feedback she got about another issue. At that time, we said that it would be a good idea that if anyone prefers NOT to get feedback and comments on a post but is looking more for support, that they state that clearly by saying something like "Hey guys, I'm giving an update here and I would appreciate it if no one would offer advice. I've decided how to handle this and I'm moving on." Or if you are coming out to share a success story, say something like "Hey, I wanted to share my good news with everyone! Please keep any negative comments to yourself as I'm happy with where things are!"
Sorry, but this is an ADVICE board. You're going to get advice good and bad, positive and negative. Unfortunately, we see only a little bit of the whole picture which is the info we are given from the poster her/himself. We can only react to what we hear and if someone is posting that her boyfriend was thrown in jail for assault but she is choosing to stand by him no matter what, some people WILL be alarmed. As for me, I don't sugarcoat responses and am a straight-shooter. Should I gloss over what I SEE to be alarming details because the person might not agree with me? Why bother of gettng different points of view?
Anyway, this is not targeted to you or anyone in particular, I just don't have the premium membership so I can't reply all. ;-) But I say go back to that - if you don't want comments and only want cheerleading, say so.
I also noticed that some posters don't come and give advice to others they only come to post their problem/or good news. Any other time they aren't found here contributing advice to the community as a whole but only pop in when they need help for themselves. So should we shun them?
I think if you don't like the advisor, put them on ignore, it's much easier than posting that you don't like the advice you've received.
I take the advice I want and leave the rest.
I agree Sally. We all come to this board for a variety of reasons, but we are all dealing, in one way or another, with probably the most volatile part of our lives: romantic relationships. Not just that but budding relationships. The part where we're at our most vulnerable and really need an outside opinion from an objective source...someone who can comment on the situation with out a personal stake in us or the problem.
I find this board extremely valuable because of it's diversity and honesty. This is a part of our lives where the bluntness has far more value than coddling. If I'm obliviously walking toward the edge of a cliff, I'd be grateful to the person who snatched me back and said "Wake up!"...even if he/she dislocated my shoulder in the process;-)
To the OP: I respectfully disagree. What you call negativity, I call constructive criticism. Nobody bashed you. Nobody knows you. Your SITUATION raised some huge alarm bells. You originally posted about his behavior irritating you because he blew you off. When people responded with "Red Flag...beware", that was negative to you? I don't get it. Then it's revealed that he was jailed for a domestic dispute? You honestly couldn't have expected "Kudo's for standing by your man" coming from from everyone...did you? I still don't get what you're looking for here.
Oh..and to sisfox: that trainer sounds a lot like one of my grad school professors. INVALUABLE!
JMHO...and I do wish you well.
Michele
Nevermind... Corrine said it all! :o)
Edited 2/1/2006 2:39 pm ET by cl-bklynchik
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