Why less winks & emails than before?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Why less winks & emails than before?
7
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 12:24pm

I tried match.com last summer, took a few months break from it and posted a new profile the other day to get out of my recent dating slump. The funny thing is that I've gotten way less winks and emails than I got last time, though plenty of men have viewed me. I adjusted my profile by getting rid of a shot that showed some skin (arms and nothing too low cut) and replacing it with a more covered up shot to fit the winter season, and I state specifically in the profile that I'm looking for a relationship whereas before, I didn't. Do you think that might be the reason why?

I'm looking for someone who is relationship material and want to filter out those men just looking for a fling, casual dating thing or who don't know what they want so I think this is a good approach. Before, I had lots of losers emailing me and commenting mostly on my looks, not even taking the time to read my profile, I'm assuming because I did not state that I want a relationship and because my shots were not as reserved. I also state in my profile this time that I'm pretty conservative on my outlook on things and I want shots that mirror that. I hope men aren't equating being coservative with being uptight because that is one thing I am not. Do you think that may be why, and if so, should I post a more flirty/fun photo? Also, I live in New York, and the majority of people here are liberal, followed by moderate but relatively few conservatives, so I'm thinking this may be the reason why. Thank you so much for any input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 12:32pm

You are right, there are many men that are looking just for a quick fling. I think you have eliminated them.

If you want more winks and emails, put back your short-sleeved pictures and tell everyone that you are open to a casual relationship. I hope your email box can handle the flow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 1:32pm

Well, I got two emails since last night so I guess that's not too bad. No, I like my new shots and they make me look more mature than before. Though I still got a couple of men older than I requested who are obviously looking for sex based on their profiles so I can't get rid of all of them!

I also am confused with men who request that they want someone Christian/Catholic. I'm baptized so technically, I'm Catholic. However, I'm half Christian and half Jewish and I'm not very religious but I think I'm a very moral person because I was raised to be. I don't like the term spiritual because it's vague and it really makes no difference to me what someone's religion is or lack thereof as long as they're a good person. How do I convey that without turning off men who request someone Christian/Catholic while still being honest?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 3:57pm

Are you talking about the check the box part of the profile, or is that actually in their text? If it's just in the check the bx part, I wouldn't worry about it at this point--if it's really important to them, it'll come up in the dating process. But if they make a big deal in their profile about wanting someone who goes to church regularly, then I'd just pass on the match altogether.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 4:16pm

Yeah, the check box on match. I picked Christian/Catholic though I'm not sure if I fit some very religious types' definition of what being Catholic is. I don't really feel like explaining in my profile so I will save it for actual conversations.

I have to admit some of the profiles I looked and wanted to respond to kind of irked me. Like why would you say you're having a hard time meeting someone who is right for you but then you only pick certain types of color hair or eyes, one kind of body type or a specific job and set amount of income or level of education not exceeding yours? It seems like either a lot of men on match are picky or they just didn't put any effort in even communicating and thinking through what they're looking for.

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 4:43pm

The previous posts answered your original question - but I'm gonna chime in on the religion thing. Match lets you check a button and write a paragraph. So to be fair, why not check Other and briefly explain just like you did above. "I was raised by a Catholic mom and Jewish dad (or vice versa, whatever) and educated in both traditions. I'm not very religious, but I think the important thing is to be a good person." Or something along those lines that gives the general idea.

>>How do I convey that without turning off men who request someone Christian/Catholic while still being honest?<<

Seems to me if someone requests a specific faith, it may be an important factor for them. So if you are not religious, you're probably not a good match for that person.

I will NOT date someone who calls himself some particular faith but doesn't practice or live it. I say if you're not religious, why pretend to be, you'll get further with honesty and avoid giving someone false impressions.

On the same note though, it really does irk me that you can only check one button. I'm kind of atheist-Buddhist-pagan, so I use Other and explain it. That was actually the easiest part of my profile to write. ;)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 4:46pm

Yeah...I pretty much skip those profiles. I figure that I'm not going to get along well with a guy who is picky about what I would consider superficial things. I can't imagine eliminating someone based on *eye* color, for crying out loud, yet there are plenty of profiles that do exactly that. I just say "next".

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 5:33pm
Thanks. I said something similar to what you suggested. I always have a problem with that question, even in person and especially if the person is religious themselves. I wasn't intending to mislead anyone but I don't fit any of the boxes that they give you to check off and I've met people who equate morality with being religious. It's funny though that one of my closest friends is very religious as are several of my other friends while I on the other hand am still wrestling with the whole religion issue like I have been my whole life. It works for my friendships since I don't discuss it but I've never attempted a relationship with a very religious man because I feel inept even discussing the subject. Yeah, I'm sort of an agnostic/Catholic/Jew though sometimes the agnostic in me is stronger than other times if that makes any sense. But thanks for the advice. And yeah Sherri, limited profiles like those just tell me to stay away so that's what I'm doing. Thanks!