Why look to the web for love?

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jen_nv16
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Why look to the web for love?
8
 Tue, 06-10-2003 - 2:58am
Saw this article and thought i'll post it here...any comments?? Meeting my online love happens unexpectedly, we are there at the right time and at the right place. LOve grows each day, deeper and more meaningful. Everyone can look for love on the net but not all will find the real love.

Why Look To The Web For Love?

by Bob Narindra

Why look to the web for love? Can the web be trusted to deliver to you that Mr. or Mrs. Right that has eluded your life so far? Well, for a lot of people that have found Mr. Right on the web, the answer is a resounding yes! Others, however, are far more skeptical. So we examined the pro's and con's of online dating and came up with the following:

PRO'S

NO INSECURITY

For many people the thought of going out trying to meet someone in real life is simply daunting. For them, even if they met somebody they liked the look of, the thought of actually going up to talk to them is simply too much. What would they say to them? How would the other person react? For a lot of people, the web is simply a godsend. They can simply log in to a chat room or personals site and be themselves. You are not meeting someone face to face, there really even does not have to be any verbal communication. It is all done with text through a computer, or through the online personals.

GET TO KNOW A PERSON

Through the web, you have a great chance to get to know a person for who they really are before the physical aspect is even in question. With online relationships, there has to be communication. This interchange of ideas is that allows people to really get to know another person.

NOT LIMITED BY TIME

On the web, you can log on at any time and find someone to chat to. For people that are extremely busy and don't have time for the bar surfing or socializing, it is much more convenient to be able to log on when they have 30 minutes or so to spare.

NOT LIMITED GEOGRAPHICALLY

It is a big world out there and there are a lot of people searching for love. In looking for love online you are not just limited to friends of the girl next door or your workplace.



CONS

NOT LIMITED GEOGRAPHICALLY

One of the biggest pros for online dating also happens to be one of its biggest cons. Geography! With the web, it is very possible that you will meet and fall for someone who lives an incredible distance away from you. The chances of this happening can be reduced if you look for love in the personals rather than chat rooms.

ARE THEY AN "AXE MURDERER?"

How do you know the person is being real on the other end of the computer? We all hear stories about people that went out and met their Internet lover who turned out to be an "Axe Murderer" The simple fact is that you can meet some nasty people out there so be careful. However, if you take your time and talk to someone for long enough, it is very difficult to totally fake your feelings. Also, whose to say that the person you met at the party wasn't the same?

So, why look to the web for love? Because it allows you the freedom to find someone on your own terms. You don't have to be fake to impress someone. The more honest you are the better your chances of finding someone that loves you for you. As always, there are risks, so be careful.

Signatures On
deena33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jen_nv16
Why look to the web for love?
 Tue, 06-10-2003 - 7:17am
I cannot disagree with this more and need to laugh at the internal inconsistencies- there is no "insecurity" and yet you can get to "know" a person - ok, so you know how a person types and perhaps the sound of the voice - but that person who is afraid of rejection from dating - is still going to be afraid when you meet - and then all that seeming confidence and bravado and witty banter will disappear when he has his hand covering his face out of nervousness, when he can't even lift his coffee cup because he's so nervous, when he starts calling you three times a day after the date to be reasssured - extreme examples yes but real life from when I read someone's emails compared to when we met in person. I of course disagree that you can get to know someone in any relevant way with respect to whether that person makes a good love match (as opposed to a wonderful email penpal friend). Communication is key of course but you miss out on all the non verbal communication - which has nothing to do with (laughs) or (sighs) that is typed out on a screen. I have had some of my deepest communication without speaking - and I'm not talking about sex. Being silent together, for example and yet still feeling connected - is an essential part of communication and one that just cannot be replicated on line. Talking/chatting can be used to cover up emotions, to hide nervousness by filling the silence with chatter -

Just my humble opinion - yes I believe in finding love on the web - so long as you can meet in person after a few emails and withing a few weeks so this whole fantasy of who he/she really is never has time to grow.

cl_survivingdivorce
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: jen_nv16
Why look to the web for love?
 Tue, 06-10-2003 - 9:48am
I agree with this article over all. On line dating or meeting, is on your terms. At any point you can say, I am done with you, or this. It is a way to keep yourself guarded and make sure the person you are talking to, getting to know, is who they say they are. Personally, I have had no problems meeting people in person, but the one reason I liked dating on line so much, was the fact that you know them mentally, before the phsical. Now, yes, this can back fire as it has many times for me. I just would rather someone know me for my spirit, instead of my looks at first. I am glad you posted that article. Thank you. It helps to confirm on line dating for most of us. I just think it is sad though, that some people use the net to harm others, or for sexual purposes. That makes it unsafe for the real people using it to find someone special.

Gail :)

cl_survivingdivorce
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: jen_nv16
Why look to the web for love?
 Tue, 06-10-2003 - 2:26pm
But Deena you didnt answer the question...lol WHY look for love on the web? You agree with looking on the web and have ideas to why the article is wrong, but WHY do YOU look for love on the web? Well, I guess since you are seeing someone, you arent really on the web right now, but you know what I mean. Why did you look for love on the web?


Gail :)

P.S. By the way, how are things going with your guy?? Gimme the scoop. lol

deena33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jen_nv16
Why look to the web for love?
 Wed, 06-11-2003 - 12:30am
Oh - why? Because it is an alternative way of meeting men. Also, in the Jewish community in Manhattan it is a popular way to meet people so often I either know the person or we have mutual friends, which helps a lot. I have been doing very little searching - it is true - and have not been on a date other than with the new guy - in over a month - and have no desire to. Things are progressing nicely - as of now I've met about 20-30 of his relatives, including Mom, twice, and dozens of his friends including his best friends - I am supposed to meet more family this weekend and in the coming weeks. The only seeming inconsistency with his eagerness to have me meet everyone came up tonight when he said he is invited to an out of town wedding (midwest) in two weeks for a close work friend - at that point we will have been dating 3 months he said that since we have not yet gone away together and since he will know everyone there and I will know no one he does not feel comfortable having that as the first time we go away - and that it is too soon to attend an out of town wedding together. I feel fine about it and think he is right - had he invited me, I would have gone. I told him it was fine, he didn't need to check with me and I plan not to discuss it again (nothing to discuss).

I continue to basically stay grounded . .. . . he and I are independent people - we probably are in brief contact every other day and have been seeing each other about 3 times a week - he's not the hours on the phone type or the clingy type, which I like. Thanks for asking!

cl_survivingdivorce
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: jen_nv16
Why look to the web for love?
 Wed, 06-11-2003 - 9:25am
Oh, Deena. I am so happy!!! He sounds like just the kind of guy for you. Well, it was nice that he mentioned the out of town thing. Probably to get your take on it, indirectly. I would say there will be another out of town trip coming up with you two, very soon!! Can we say some fireworks might go off at that point? giggles. IM so drama, arent I? lol I live for this stuff!! Goodluck with him girl. Hope things continue to go so well!

Gail :)

deena33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jen_nv16
Why look to the web for love?
 Wed, 06-11-2003 - 12:51pm
Gail thanks SO much for your lovely post. Hope things are going well for you too.

Best,

Deena

sunshines20032003
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: jen_nv16
Why look to the web for love?
 Wed, 06-11-2003 - 1:24pm
I looked to the web for love after divorcing my high school sweetheart (16 years married, 22 together). I was under forty and still had a lot of living to do. Since I grew up in a small town I knew most people and they were all couples (so it seemed). I am very involved in my kids' sports and again all couples - where was I going to meet people? I went out with my one single girlfriend quite a bit, but not to pick up guys (how do you do that after so many years?), just to have fun. I took over a year to get myself together, then my girlfriend convinced me to try on-line dating. I was terrified! I chatted with a few people on-line, some quite nice and some kind of scary. I eventually met one man and went out for coffee to meet him (middle of the day, told my girlfriend everything I knew about him and where we were meeting). I saw him a few more times, but it just didn't click. I emailed one man for about 8 months. We had no intention of meeting, but seemed to develop an on-line support system for each other (his spouse cheated/left him as well). The second person I met had a picture posted and I honestly didn't find him that attractive (that's not that important to me). We chatted on-line for a couple months, then he finally convinced me to send him a picture of myself (never done that before). As my luck would have it he saw me in a bar shortly after and came up and asked me to dance (being as backwards in the dating field as I am, I never danced with people I didn't already know!). I didn't recognize him because he's very good looking (his picture was quite deceiving). He emailed me the next day and let me in on his little prank! I was shocked, but got over it and we arranged to meet the next week......we've been together ever since - that was over a year ago!

So to answer your question of "why look to the web for love?" - WHY NOT?

cl_survivingdivorce
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: jen_nv16
Why look to the web for love?
 Thu, 06-12-2003 - 10:31am
I agree with you!! Looks have never mattered much to me either, so when I finally meet mark, Im sure he will be even more handsome than I seem to think he already is! That is a wonderful story, and I am very happy you found love on line!! Thanks for sharing!

Gail

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