Why oh Why am i attracted to Bad Boys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Why oh Why am i attracted to Bad Boys?
8
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 1:39pm

Sheesh! You'd THINK i would have learned my lesson with my X!


Yeah, still in touch with C from CT, but i am losing interest a bit. He IS a bit geeky, lol.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 4:52pm
Ummm yeah I'd stay away from Dorchester, there has been tons of shootings there this year. LOL
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 5:11pm

He (Dorchester guy) sounds bitter and angry. Have you explored your attraction to that type of man in counseling in connection with your divorce? I saw some of your posts on the abuse board (I had directed someone to that board and just wanted to see if she'd posted) but don't remember seeing if you'd gone to counseling. Breaking that pattern can be very hard from what I understand.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 5:54pm

Abolutely - more counseling i bet than anyone on this earth! lol


I guess the good thing is i RECOGNIZE it at least. That its stupid, ridiculous. And I at least have opened myself up to "not my type" of guys ... the nice ones, lol.


Basically i had an ass for a father, an alcoholic & unavaliable. I had a nurse for a mom - a "fixer". So of course, even though i SWORE i wouldnt, thats what i grew up to be. You know "Save the world". A nurse as well.


I am actually VERY gald i posted this b/c i was sort of just toying w/ the idea of saying it, as sort of a joke - but obvioulsy there is attraction - & there SHOULDNT be. For God sakes, it makes NO sense. My Match profile has all these "high expectations" for education, income, NICEness, etc ... yet i am attracted to THIS guy? Sh*t, i need more therapy! lol

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 6:16pm

More counseling than anyone on earth, eh? That's a lot of counseling, LOL! But joking aside I'm glad to hear that you're going.

And yes, to a certain extent, recognizing it is half the battle. I still struggle with being attracted to unavailable men but at least I understand why now and have been able to walk away from *some* of them ;-)...not *all* but I'm working on that!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 4:17am
We did so much marriage & my individual, & him substance abuse, counseling, over the years - i used to say "we are keeping the psychiatirc community in business!"
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 10:27am

That is STILL the type of guy I'm attracted to. Even though I am in a fairly stable relationship with a really good guy, I oftentimes think of the "bounty hunter" guy I met and communicated with last summer. He instant messaged me the first of March, but that is the last time I have heard from him. Since then, I have removed him from my messenger list as I know there is no point in even talking to him now. If he had had any real intentions towards me, he would have made more of an effort to see me than he did. Now that I'm with someone, I don't feel right even talking to him anymore.

I think I was partly attracted to bounty guy because of his looks and partly because I thought his job was exciting. The guy I'm dating now is a decent enough looking guy and he has a really good job, but his work schedule sometimes makes it hard to have a relationship. Bounty guy was literally "on-call" 24-7, so that would have been a lot worse, even if things had progressed with he and I. Deep down, I could see bounty guy and I arguing a lot about things if we had become a "couple". I knew he was not the best choice for me, but I continued to talk to him as long as I thought there might be a possibility for a "relationship" with him. Looking back, I can now see what a waste of my time he really was. Why he ever had a profile on a dating site to begin with if he had no time to date and was not serious about a real relationship anyway is anyone's guess. He eventually removed his profile and I never found it on any other dating site after that. However, I still had this "thrill" of getting to talk to him whenever he instant messaged me. He called a few times and came up to see me, but that was the extent of whatever we had together. After almost a year of that, I see no point in continuing contact with him. So, now he is blocked from my list. I doubt that he will call me either.

Yes, I am still attracted to "bad boys", but they don't usually make for long-term relationship material in the end. Try to remember that when you find yourself wanting to connect with or contact one of them. They are heartbreak for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 1:44pm
Very true! I will REMIND myself as needed! lol
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 9:51am

Ummmm...yeah. Dorchester. No way. TOOO many killings in that area.

Bad boy. YES. And I bet they ARE gang tattoos.

Even for the sex, think about your DD, and what could progress from this. That's what I do at least when I'm attracted to someone 'bad'....I think, what would happen if ......

Shuts me down everytime.;)

Good luck!
:)
Lisa

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