Will I scare him away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Will I scare him away?
8
Sun, 04-13-2003 - 12:07am
Can you like a guy so much that you will eventually scare him away? The guy and I haven't even met yet but I am afraid that I will scare him away before anything even gets started between us. We dont talk every single day, maybe like three out of seven days on-line and maybe once on the phone during the weekends. I am starting to think that maybe this is too much and I am being to forward or maybe pushy with him. I do think about him all the time but I never let him know that. I just show it the same way he shows it. I mean we are going to try to meet atthe end of May but I am not pushing him to do it.

So I wanna know... will i scare him away?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 11:24am
Yes, you can like a guy too much and scare him away. If you haven't met him and he hasn't mentioned having all the feelings you feel for him to you, then it is likely he is not feeling them. One thing about distance romance guys will tell you if they are growing attached to you, in some cases not all. But, if you are worried this soon and feel it is not right for you o feel this way towards him, then step back. Start doing things you use to before meeting him to give some slack into. Don't feel that well we talk every night that if you can't talk for a few nights he will just up and leave he should understand. Do what you have to, follow your instincts when it comes to this.

Marie

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 1:41pm
You can only "scare off" men who aren't right for you. Someone who is right for you won't be scared off, because he'll be on the same page with you and want the same things.

I think if you're mostly reacting to his overtures, you're fine. However, I would urge you to meet ASAP, as my experience has been that talking online too long before meeting leads to a false sense of intimacy with the other person. I've had deep conversations with people, only to find that in person there was NO connection! Now I insist on meeting for coffee after exchanging a few emails.

Sheri

Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:12pm
I totally agree!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:49pm
When I am in the beginning of a relationship (in person, have never done an OLR, just met men through on line sites) I let the man do almost all of the pursuing and I react with warmth and friendliness and a healthy eagerness. If I feel it is too much too soon I back off a little. In that way I don't really risk scaring away someone who would otherwise like me. I have heard people say that if he is the right one you can't scare him away - I entirely disagree - I have met men who seem like the right one for me in the beginning but when they started calling too much, emailing too much an being overly gushy in the sense of trying to seek my approval that was a big turn off - I need someone who is confident enough that he doesn't need to be reassured every hour of the day as to my interest - or if he feels like that to understand that subjecting me to that will be a turn off romantically. You're doing fine, sounds like - so relax and see what happens when you meet!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 8:20pm
But Deena, that's just the point: those guys may have *seemed* right for you, but they clearly weren't! The type of guys you describe need to be with women who WANT that level of attention. You weren't a good match for them.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 11:52pm
Yes, but I have met no stable reasonably intelligent women who would like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 7:29am
I agree with Sheri....I think a woman should be herself and only herself. If she wants to call a man, call him. If she wants to write him, write him. Just be the person you are and if he cares for you he will respond accordingly. I personally wouldn't want a man more if he didn't call me much or write because he thought I'd like him more..... Of course, people have different ideas of what works and what doesn't, so you have to make your own choice. But I'm in my 30's, and I have learned that I ONLY want to be with a man who accepts me as I am and in turn I accept them the way they are (as in, no thinking I can change them later). I don't believe in the Rules or any of that sort of thing. Be yourself....if you feel uncomfortable with the level you're at then back down- but if you are only feeling uncomfortable because you're worried about what HE thinks, then re-evaluate things. And DO meet him as soon as possible........Good luck! Jemma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 12:21pm
I agree with some of the other posts. If you are feeling as if you may scare him away, just back off alittle and see where it leads you. Meet him when you can and just play it out. I would say these little doubts about whether or not we should be doing something, are signs to tell us we need to take a step back and look at it from a different angle. Dont worry about it, just go with the flow. Let it happen. Goodluck!

Gail