Will it be too soon yet?
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| Mon, 08-29-2005 - 6:29pm |
I met a guy online, much younger than me. We have been IM each other and phoning each other since April. Even so, we dont phone each other daily or weekly, it could be every 3 weeks or so. Sometimes we chat online too but not everyday either. We dont know each other in person yet. My IM him or phoning him, he has told me he feels very very attracted to me, he wants to meet me in person soon because it has been almost 5 months now and it is time to meet in person, he wants to meet me in person, he feels desires for me. Before he brought that subject to me, we IM each other and he looks like a nice guy, funny one,althoug I have to tell, in his physical part, he is cute. But I guess since he is a man, first he is interested in the physical part then he is interested in the innner part of the person.
Should I wait more time to meet him in person, if I feel comfortable to meet him or 5 months is a lot of time and I have to meet him now? I mean he is the one who wants to meet me soon because for him 5 months is a long time and we should meet, if it was me I wait more. At this moment, he is only thinking in teh physical part of me that is why he wants to meet me, although he says I look like a nice, polite girl.
I mean I have never ever met in person a guy before. I mean a guy I have met first online then in person, that has never ever happened to me before. If I meet him, only if, he will be the first guy.
Red flags here or not?

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Huge red flag.
Ok. The thing is Im very esceptical about meeting a guy I have never seen in person before and at least treat each other as friends first and all of a sudden meet him off line just like that. Also this guy and I dont chat everyday or phone each other everyday and besides he never takes the initiative to call me on his own, the times we have spoken each other on the phone (not very often either in 5 months I only have called him like 5 times and he never calls Im the one who always call) is because I call him, he never calls me, he says he does not like to call, his cell phone bill could get expensive that is why he prefers I call him. What is that then?
I know that If I meet him in person it should be in a public place, I was thinking like in a food court of a mall and in the afternoon of course.
But the thing is that I dont know in my concience whyI keep chatting with him, the little time we chat and why I have phoned him, he is 13 yrs younger than me and also he has told me straight that he does not want to be just a friend he wants to be more than that and we dont even know in person, he wants to get intimate with me. That I totally disagree- But I continue to chat with me or interested he calls me, but I dont want to get intimate I just want to be a friend, but his intentions are more than a friend. He told me he feels very attracted to me, he has never felt that before with other friends he knows in person (not met them thru internet though, from neighborhood, group of friends, etc)
He has desires with me.
That is what Im very afraid to meet him for the first time after 5 months. I just want to be friend, but his intentions are a little bit more than that.
Im very confused... Perhaps Im just a stupid, naive, fool lady. The thing is that I have never had a boyfriend before in my life or dated anyone in life either. I mean I dont want to have a boyfriend now or date someone now, just be a friend to someone that is all.
and he knows I want that first, he insist on the other thing? Are men like that?
He may acknowledge that you say you just want to be friends, but he's probably thinking that he could get you to change your mind. You are probably reinforcing that thought by pursuing him (i.e. you call him, he never calls you). He probably thinks he has you wrapped around his little finger & can easily manipulate you.
From your description of the situation it doesn't sound like he's showing any genuine interest in you as a person. If he was HE would be calling you. High cell phone bills are a lame excuse!
I'd keep him as an online friend if you don't want to be anything more than friends. He can't or expect anything you are not wanting to give that way. Especially if you don't live in the same town (you didnt say) or think he is being pushy beyond your comfort zone. Usually I say meet, but you may not have that comfort zone. Be prepared that this internet friendship might wain a bit if he does find a g/f to hang out with that cuts down his computer time.
Be careful and Smart Ana,
Lizzie
I am late responding...and I didn't read the rest of the responses yet, but am wondering why you waited 5 months already to meet him. Why were you talking to him if you didn't want to meet him? I am confused.
Sara
edited to write: Okay, I read the rest. Still not sure why you were talking to him....but that, of course, is your decision. Maybe you just like being email pals???
Edited 8/31/2005 4:08 pm ET ET by saralm
This is long sorry....
I mean I havent met the guy yet in person. I have waited that long because Im very esceptical when it comes to meet for the first time a guy I met online since I dont have that experience of meeting guys I met first over a computer screen. He could turn out a ral jerk or dangerous, he might not, that is why I have never met ever guys I have been only email pals or chat pals.
The way we met it was just like that, he responded an ad I post on a friendship website (not romance websites) . There he told me I was very pretty and he would like to know me more, so he gave me his email address, his cell phone number and his chat username on Messenger. I replied to the ad because at first he seems like a nice guy, at that time he was not very forward with me at all, he did not talk to me anything intimate at all. So days after he sent me an email to my email address and he told me he would like to know more about me and chat.
I mean that is not a unusual thing at all, I mean chat and that is it. So then when we first saw each other at messenger I was not sure to even chat with him, I dont know why, for days he try to chat when I was online too and I never talk to him, I even log off everytime he log on, and that he noticed, because he noticed that he sent me an email address saying me, that please dont play with him, everytime he was trying to chat with me, because he did not like to play games, if that was the case, so it was better not to chat at all, but he wanted to know me more.
I replied to that email address (5 months ago) and I apologize for my behavior, I mean I know it was not a nice thing to do, but at that time I was not interested in chatting or know him. Then he replied back and accept my apologies and say that lets start from the beginning, our hobbies, names, what do we do for a living, etc. That was where all started. As the time went by, he seems to have a lot of interest in me, not the other way around, I just want to know an online friend to talk about anything, like normal email or chat pals, he seemed like a nice guy back then, that is why I continue to chat with him but the problem of him being 13 yrs younger than me, another thing why I hesitate so much in starting an email friendship.
Even one month after we start chatting, he said he was infatuated with me, my photos were so pretty that he started to like me. At that time I freaked, common only a month after and he had already feelings for me..... He acknowledge at that time he was very young and even told me that he knows that If I ever find a guy in my life who I want to have a serious relationship it has to be someone around my age, he was just an email pal and he believed that for me he was just a kid, he was right in that but he told me that age is not an important thing to have friends with. The time pass and he call me for the first time to cell phone (I made a mistake in the very beginning to give him my cell phone number, but since he gave me his when he was introducing himself, I did the same thing) because he really want to talk to me. I thought at that time, "Gee th guy is serious" That was just like one month or so after we first online met. In the very first call, is where he was honest (I dont know if that was true) and told me that he really liked me, he wanted to meet me, and he even mentioned me I was a "hot, attractive, sexy lady". I mean he said that just by the photos I put on the friendship ad and the only ones he saw of me. I mean the photos I put on the profile are not naughty photos at all, nothing like that. They are just photos of being me. Photos of trips I have taken, photos at social gatherings, nothing abnormal about the photos, but the photos made him a big impression of me, I guess.
In that first call he told me that because of the photos and becaues of the way I behave and he was starting to know me (only one month after) he told me he wants to get intimate with me, he wanted to make love to me, caress me, kiss me and treat me like a lady because for the way I am and look, there he told me why dont we meet. Of course I said no and told him the reasons why I dont want that, he told me that why if there was nothing wrong. That was the first time he talked about getting intimate, one month after. I told him I only wanted him as a friend, because he seemed like a nice guy (that was before he said what he said that is why I continue to chat with him and I was starting to think he was a nice guy indeed) no more than that.
He insist he wanted to be more than friends with me and even up until now, he wants to be more than friends with me and after all this 5 months, he continues to talk me into meeting him, becaue he continues to insist Im an attractive hot lady. So durng the 3, 4 months, like I said, he phones me barely, I was always the one who call him. We do not call each other all the time or always, it could pass weekds before hearing from each other and the same happens when we chatted online. But now we talk more openly, not like a total strangers,even if we havent met each other in person yet. I mean he is still a stranger I know, but we now chat each other in a different way, like friends.
Last week he told me over the chat he desires me and he even told me why dont we meet each other for the first time now, it has been 5 months already, why should we wait more he asked me.
Im still very escepctical like I said, one side Im afraid to meet him for the reasons he has becaues I dont want to get intimate with him and he knows that, he knows I want us just to be friends, but on the other hand I want to meet him, just to feel the experience of meeting for the first time I guy I met online, since that has never happened to me before. But I dont know that me wanting to meet him it is just about feeling the experience of meeting a guy offline, I dont know if what is happening to me is that I like this guy (besides his photo is cute), I think that is why I want to meet him, but I dont want to meet him because he wants me like a woman and I dont want to get intimate with him.
Im very confused...
You sound very "young" and if he is 13 years younger than you.......mmh, interesting!
How old are you? Do you both live in the same state?
Personally, it seems you are seeking just a pen pal and should let him know that!!
Why you say I sound "young"? No, Im not young. Im a grown up woman, but the thing is Im unexperienced when man issues come, because I have never ever dated in my life or had a boyfriend before. He is 21.
We live a little far from each other and he comes to downtown capital not very often just if he has to or if it is really necessary he travels all the way to the capital, because he lives away from downtown capital. I live close to the downtown capital.
He knows I want him as a friend, he even acknowledge that. He told me once "pitty you only want us to be friends".
Do you think im confused because I like him even If I dont know him?
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