A woman's opinion requested

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
A woman's opinion requested
11
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 7:11pm

I'm a guy in his mid 20's and have been lurking here for the past few days to get idea of what women think about OLD (where better to get a woman's opinion than here...lol). I just posted my profile a week ago (with pictures)on Match and sent out 6 emails (4 of these women I guess could be considered average looking by men's standards). I haven't heard anything back from anybody. I've used everybody's opinion to carefully word my profile, yet keeping it personal. So my questions are how many emails do you get lets say in a week? How many of those do you just outright dismiss? How many do you respond to? And how long do you normally take to respond? After reading this board, I got a good vibe about the quality and intellect of women here, so I value your responses. I'll post more questions later.

Thanx
TR

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 8:13pm

It varies - depending on the city, age, location and overall package of the person you're writing.

 
 
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 10:35pm

So my questions are how many emails do you get lets say in a week? Totally agree that tends to come in waves - average maybe 3-5 a week.

How many of those do you just outright dismiss? maybe half... see the post titled "creep alert" for an example of spam junk... some are just way incompatible or it's obvious they didn't read my profile. For example, someone religious, looking for a match of the same faith, while my profile states I'm an atheist. These get no reply.

How many do you respond to? uh, the other half... ;)

And how long do you normally take to respond? If I'm going to reply, I usually do so within a couple days.

I somewhat disagree about the "numbers game" thing, there is something to it, but I think quality is more important than quantity. But it IS a little bit of both, I try for quantity so as to not much too much hope on any one person.

Here's hoping you get some replies back.... :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 8:03am

I am not currently on match or yahoo - I hid my profiles because I was getting frustrated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 9:30am
I also think it's a numbers game; the more people you meet and go out with, the more likely you are to find your match. Just out of curiosity, I have to ask, are you looking for something long-term? It seems like most of the success stories I have heard about were people in their 30's and 40's--ones who were ready to get married or be in a long-term committed relationship. You don't run across many your age who are wanting long-term with anyone. Then again, you will probably find a good number of women your age who are wanting to casual date only. I have always tended to believe that you have more choices in the dating pool when you are younger, but the flipside of that is that it might be harder to find someone wanting a committed relationship at that point in time. I guess it depends on what you are looking for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:06am

Hey TR,

First off, I just want to say it's nice to see a guy come in and ask the questions you just did...so welcome.

I'm on a bit of a sabbatical from OLD right now but to answer some of your questions:

I used to get anywhere from 2-5 icebreakers/emails a week in my most flush period.
I'm in my 40's so my numbers are smaller and my #1 problem was with men who were way out of my age range. The next biggest deterrent were the smokers, and then the superficial side of me deletes the short guys;-P

Biggest word of advice is to read the profile and make sure you're within their specs. If you're not and want to take the leap anyway note that in your email...something like "I may not be what your looking for but..." and then make specific references to things from her profile that made you want to contact her. There's nothing more off putting than the spam or form letter intro.

If I like someones profile I'll write back within 2 days. Just keep on doing what you're doing and add that personal touch if you haven't done that yet. Remember that some of the women you write to may not be paying members and can't reply and don't take anything personally. It IS a numbers game but all it takes is just one.

Good Luck to you,
Michele




Edited 3/17/2006 11:09 am ET by cheleinsf
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 12:21pm

I also think that it is largely a numbers thing and six is not enough. Beyond what everyone else said a few things to bear in mind:

*If the recipient is not a paying subscriber she cannot respond to you (unless you put your real email address in the message which I think some of the sites now try to prevent).
*Women do tend to get a lot of responses, but women in your age range in particular get bombarded. So if you can come up with something that distinguishes you from the herd - a funny line perhaps- you are more likely to get a response.

Wish you luck!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 7:26pm

It may well have something to do with the women you wrote to not being paying subscribers...my understanding is that on match now, if you're not paying, you can even see who emailed you!

That's one of the reasons I no longer use that site.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 7:44pm

Thanks for all your advice. I live in central/north Jersey so there's a fair amount of women, however, I only have the time to sit down to read and write one email specifically to one profile (though I will find more time to shoot off more emails). I'm a "normal" guy that's fairly attractive and stays away from putting sexual innuendo in my profle/email. After studying the men my age, my profile tends to be a lot longer than theirs (Although sometimes I think it may take that "mystery" that women my age tend to enjoy)I tend to lean toward women about a year or two older than I am (I just find them to be more grounded and I'm a little more mature than 23, gotta thank the parents for raising me properly). I don't mind casual dating, but would be all for something serious if it was right. I also try to stay within specs maybe I'm a year outside of what some of the women want, but a year isn't a lot. It's not like I'm asking a 28 or 29 year old out because that's out of my age range. I'm looking between 21 and 25. What stinks about OLD is it's hard for me to tell jokes since I heavily rely on voice inflexion, hand gestures, and facial expressions to get my light hearted sarcasm out. Sometimes I tend to think that women my age tend to be more superficial (that's my realistic side) but like to think that the average woman is a lot less superficial than the average guy(that's my optomistic side).

Again, thanx SO much for your advice

TR

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 8:19pm

You're kind of at a tough age b/c you don't want to go too young or too old and that limits your dating pool.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2006
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 12:56pm

Hi there..

Hmmm now let me see...when reading profiles I tend to follow my gut instinct...the way the profile reads gives you a little impression of that person but as we all know its all been glossed over and women being women know this but men being men think we dont...the (and I use this term loosely) "genuine" guys tend to have more of a chance...post your profile and maybe I could help further...you also have to realise that the girls in your age group have the world and his dog open to them and they know it..its unfortunate but its very hard going for a young man in this day and age...you cant seem to win, you have to come accross as caring and genuine in a profile but we women are attracted to the b*****ds in life....good luck!!

take care and have fun
Sue..

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